First date- who pay's?

Principia_2

paulineb wrote: »

Not the ones Ive ever dated

Gosh, I've had the complete opposite. In fact, years ago, one guy had made a big fuss about paying for the first date so I let him and we were on the second date where I was making a big fuss about paying when he just excused himself from the table and paid :mad:

I left the value of the whole bill on the table in cash and told that if he didn't pick it up then the waiter was going to get the biggest tip he'd ever received! I then walked out.

No more dates with him. I think he was looking for someone to look after and spoil (some people like that but it feels smothering to me) and I was looking for a more equal partnership.

Edited to add - I didn't walk out in a huff, I walked out to save him the embarrassment of picking up the cash in front of me, if indeed he did!

tinkerbell28

I'm really glad I never read too deeply into things.

When I met my oh, he used to travel to mine for dates on the weekend. I could not go to him as I had an ever changing work roster and lots of commitments, where as he had a rigid roster. So he came to me, which cost a fair bit.

I was earning more than him, he was on a very basic wage at the time, and still clearing student loans and things. So I paid a sizeable chunk on our dates, most of the time all of it. As I knew costs were not cheap and I earnt a lot more.

But he used to have to spend out a lot to even get to me, so I saw it as evens. It didn't put me off.

Now we're married and we've got children, the tables are turned, I spend it all and he earns it :rotfl:

Principia_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

When I met my oh, he used to travel to mine for dates on the weekend. I could not go to him as I had an ever changing work roster and lots of commitments, where as he had a rigid roster. So he came to me, which cost a fair bit.

I was earning more than him, he was on a very basic wage at the time, and still clearing student loans and things. So I paid a sizeable chunk on our dates, most of the time all of it. As I knew costs were not cheap and I earnt a lot more.

But he used to have to spend out a lot to even get to me, so I saw it as evens. It didn't put me off.

Now we're married and we've got children, the tables are turned, I spend it all and he earns it :rotfl:

Congratulations

I think your scenario was a bit different in that you were already in a relationship, that's a bit different to the first date when you don't really know if it's going any further and you don't really know what the other person is like or what their finances are like either.

Just because I'm an old romantic - how did you first meet and go on a first date if you lived so far apart?

I love how I met your mother type stories (but shorter!)

tinkerbell28

We met online. So the first date, set the precedent really. We knew pretty much all that stuff anyway.

I knew he'd be coming to me, so I paid the date without asking him.

I pretty much knew all about him before we met. So we knew it was a go-er from the off. As when we met the physical attraction was there. I think we were both relieved we'd used genuine pictures. Not face ache angles which make you look 10st slimmer than you really are.

It's not true all saddos and hunchbacks use online dating, phew!

esuhl

lics wrote: »

So if you offer and she does accept, do you also assume automatically she wants to sleep with you?

Absolutely. I thought that was the traditional way. The man pays in exchange for the woman's "availability". The man is the breadwinner who keeps the woman in the lifestyle to which she's become accustomed, and the woman just hangs off his arm, keeps the house tidy and makes the man "happy".

You know I'm joking, right? My point is that these stereotypes hark back to a less progressive age. Women can't demand equality and then expect to get more than they give.

But I do feel that women who routinely expect men to pay are essentially prostituting themselves. They're selling their "company" for the price of the meal/drinks.

Principia_2

tinkerbell28 wrote: »

We met online.

I met my bloke online, although through a forum where we shared a common interest

I honestly think that if I had first met him irl I think I would not have seen him as good relationship material

So vote two for meeting on the internet

DUTR

esuhl wrote: »

Absolutely. I thought that was the traditional way. The man pays in exchange for the woman's "availability". The man is the breadwinner who keeps the woman in the lifestyle to which she's become accustomed, and the woman just hangs off his arm, keeps the house tidy and makes the man "happy".

You know I'm joking, right? My point is that these stereotypes hark back to a less progressive age. Women can't demand equality and then expect to get more than they give.

But I do feel that women who routinely expect men to pay are essentially prostituting themselves. They're selling their "company" for the price of the meal/drinks.

And a bad investment.
In the case of my last date, I knew I wasn't interested in a physical or relationship with the said person, but it was a win win or lose lose, I was doing nowt that Friday so a few hours company that evening was fine without the 'pressure' of having to impress (I could even eat badly and have 2nd's) , oddly I have not had the dear john text yet

tinkerbell28

Principia wrote: »

I met my bloke online, although through a forum where we shared a common interest

I honestly think that if I had first met him irl I think I would not have seen him as good relationship material

So vote two for meeting on the internet

Oh same...I'd have thought he were a bit too "top gun" and probably a bit of a knob :rotfl:

Amazing how actually speaking before you meet, actually blows all the nerves and first impressions out of the water.

catkins

I haven't dated for over 30 years so a bit out of touch!

When I was dating I always offered to pay half. I just never wanted the man thinking if he paid for everything he would then be entitled to sex. I know not all men think like that but it seemed back when I was dating a lot did. I worked in an office with mainly men and they almost all thought that way. I remember one guy coming to work in a foul mood which he explained as being down to the fact that he had paid for a nice meal and wine and then "she hadn't come up with the goods"!

I am actually surprised that my now OH continued to see me as on our first date we had a bit of a row as he wanted to pay for the meal and drinks and I insisted I was going to pay half. Things got a bit heated but I did pay half and it obviously didn't put him off as we have been married over 30 years

Kynthia

I find it odd that some people are accusing others of being hypocrites and users when virtually every poster has said that they would take turns paying or split 50/50 from the second date. Hardly the actions of gold diggers! The only real debate seems to be the first date so I don't think most of us aren't that different at all.