First date- who pay's?

hgotsparkle

I would insist on going halves, yes if he expected me to pay the whole bill then that would put me off but I imagine a man might be put off if I expected him to pay the whole bill. If he paid before I could offer any money and wouldn't take any money from me then it would be nice, but I don't think I'd be all that comfortable with it.

DUTR

Kynthia wrote: »

I find it odd that some people are accusing others of being hypocrites and users when virtually every poster has said that they would take turns paying or split 50/50 from the second date. Hardly the actions of gold diggers! The only real debate seems to be the first date so I don't think most of us aren't that different at all.

What do you find odd? The topic is about the 1st date, there may not be a 2nd date, so those expecting to be 'treated' could be seen as users / gold diggers.

Kayalana99

I had a strange one. He paid for everything (saying 'everything' we went out for 2 weeks and he lived pretty far so we probally had 3-4 actal dates total)

I was 16 and didn't have alot of cash and he was 20ish and working so I was just kinda going along with it without questioning it really since he always offered to take me somewhere and to pay.

We went to the cinema with my friend and her boyfriend and he left his wallet in the car and you could actally see the blind panic on his face trying to find it and he said he would just run out and get it looking dead embarrsed and so I was like its ok I'll get this one...and the pure shock on his face at the offer I was abit ..put off ..to say least lol and he kept asking me if I was sure...if it was ok and even offered to pay me back but I said it was fine he had paid for XXX so its ok.

After the film he started going into GREAT detail about his ex gf (who was actally older then him so 22/23?) had never paid for one thing the whole time they went out and how it meant soooo much to him that I actally cared enough to pay and this is what relationships are supposed to be like not just one sided and it showed just how much I cared and he could see that I wasn't just going to use him like his Ex (Did I mention I was 16 at this point? )

Anyway didn't last... I broke it off partly because he was my friends cousin and she was getting abit to invovled and was getting upset about things and I didnt like him that much anyway I guess so I thought id rather not even risk her friendship at all... he sent me flowers then rang me about 2 days after and was asking me when I wanted to go out again and I was like...we broke up?

Apparntly whenever him and his ex gf had a 'fight' he would send her flowers and she would just magically forgive him and I was weird because I was saying that it doesn't change why I broke up with him and he just geninuly couldn't understand why I didn't want to see him again...because he had sent flowers!! :T

Sorry for long post but I just thought the whole thing was abit weird.

beckysbobbles1

Looks like I've missed a healthy debate here....

Anyway, the date was... amazing!! I had the best time, we got along very well. In fact so well I missed my last train home so I had to pay for a taxi which I completely didn't mind.

My date paid for dinner and drinks but it's funny as because we got along so well, I would have been very happy to split.

Now only time will tell if there will be a second date. Fingers crossed please.

burnoutbabe

beckysbobbles1 wrote: »

My date paid for dinner and drinks but it's funny as because we got along so well, I would have been very happy to split.

.

well glad it went well but why on earth should how well it went be a reason as to whether happy to split or not?

So if you didn't like him for some reason its his fault and he should pay? really odd logic.

fake_smile

I am a gay woman so I don't get to use the "The man always pays" rule

I am currently dating a girl who hates being paid for, it's frustrating.

My rule is if I get asked out I always take enough money to cover date and drinks, if she insists on paying for me then wonderful, otherwise I pay half.

When I ask her out I pay for both of us.

heartbreak_star

Whoever asks should pay.

Personally IMO I see a lot of sexism dressed up as being "gentlemanly" these days. I would never consider myself a militant feminist but I am a great believer in equality.

Enough ranting.

Beckysbobbles, I'm so glad your date went well and have everything crossed you will go out again

HBS x

System

I wouldn't ask a man out on a date as such but I might offer to cook him a meal. I think that's my equivalent of asking him for a date.:)

I wouldn't ask him to pay for it either.:D

Egg, chips and peas doesn't cost much anyway.:rotfl:

beckysbobbles1

burnoutbabe wrote: »

well glad it went well but why on earth should how well it went be a reason as to whether happy to split or not?

So if you didn't like him for some reason its his fault and he should pay? really odd logic.

Sorry that does sound pretty bad. I just meant that I would have definately been happy to split 50/50.

I would never expect anyone else to pay for me.

SailorSam

I suppose with being older i'm more comfortable paying, especially on earlier dates. I've noticed on PoF most women write on their profiles first dates should be short drinks/ coffee or a 50/50 thing. Some though i've read say they expect to be wined & dined in a good restaurant and perhaps go onto a show later. They say a man needs to treat them special.
I don't think i'm mean, but something like that puts me off meeting someone who's a virtual stranger.