First date- who pay's?

GwylimT

19lottie82 wrote: »

It's not about getting free food! Its about the gesture.

If a man invites a lady out, its the gentlemanly thing to do. Not every time but on the first date it sets a good impression.

Attempting to buy your date doesn't set a good impression not does allowing someone to foot your bill set a good impression. If you're not capable of buying your own meal and drinks, don't go on a date, its rude to expect someone else to pay for you.

silverwhistle

aileth wrote: »

It must be normal nowadays though, as she went 50/50 with her ex-boyfriend for the first date and then he made her pay for the rest. He refused to see her unless she was paying. It didn't last long...

I'll bet! But I don't think introducing the "feminist" word helps as it's often used as a put-down. It would be exactly the same the other way: expecting a bloke to pay for everything.

The problem with "the inviter" pays is that it's still the case that men are expected to do the asking. It's not an issue in the lesbian world, but even there there'd be agreement as where to go, since not everybodies' budget is the same. Much as I'd like someone to take me to the Fat Duck, it realistically isn't going to happen when I look at my purse. [Fit female, OHAC, GSOH, solar panels, no debt seeks...]

I think the issue arises from this horrible formulaic US idea of dating and the appropriate formal rules they seem to have. What's wrong with the English way of just ending up in a pub/restaurant/cinema in the bumbling, non-formal way we've managed in the past?

paulineb_2

Id be more than happy to go 50/50, certainly wouldnt expect someone to pay for me just because Im female

paulineb_2

I remember many moons ago dating when I was a skint student and so was he, hed pay for one round of drinks, id do the next, Id pay for a meal, hed pay the next time

No big deal to me as far as Im concerned.

geri1965_2

I'm quite independent and don't feel comfortable with people paying for me, so I would offer to go halves. However, if he insisted then I would accept, as it might appear ungrateful otherwise. I would definitely insist on buying some drinks, either later than evening or another time. I hate to feel as if I owe someone something.

19lottie82

GwylimT wrote: »

Attempting to buy your date doesn't set a good impression not does allowing someone to foot your bill set a good impression. If you're not capable of buying your own meal and drinks, don't go on a date, its rude to expect someone else to pay for you.

I'm not suggesting anyone attempts to buy me. Its just a tradition and a gentlemanly thing to do that's all. And yes, I'm sorry but it does create a good impression.

And I am more than capable of buying my own food and drink, hence why I said in my post I would insist on paying for the next meal. (And I would insist on paying half if I knew we weren't going to be meeting again).

JaneTalks101

If he wants to pay for the first date it is fine with me. I'd offer to pay but would not insist on doing so. I'm a bit traditional and find that as a gentlemanly thing to do.

paulineb_2

I dont think it is a tradition. This is 2013, Im 44, I work, if I went on a date with someone I am also more than capable of buying my own

I dont care about impressions or people being gentlemanly, because Im sorry, even thinking that men should pay because they are men when women can afford to as well is just backward

If I could pay for my own drinks in 1987 when I was 18, I can sure as hell pay my own now, including on a first date

I would never assume someone I was dating was so well off they could afford to pick up the tab for a meal, which wont always be cheap

Principia_2

GwylimT wrote: »

Attempting to buy your date doesn't set a good impression not does allowing someone to foot your bill set a good impression. If you're not capable of buying your own meal and drinks, don't go on a date, its rude to expect someone else to pay for you.

That's your view. Some men like paying for their date and think its rude if you insist on splitting.

tinkerbell28

Ohh, I've always hated men paying for everything, don't know why. I just hated it.

Used to make me feel really awkward.