Starting out in life

fay144

Dunroamin wrote: »

Misery guts yourself! It's perfectly possible to have a wonderful time with all your friends and family on less than a tenth of £6k.

If you can't see what's wrong in someone saying that the actually wedding is unimportant because "it's only a bit of paper" but what really matters is the venue/food/dress/favours/sweet bar/chocolate fountain, then I can only hope for your partner's sake that you aren't married.

Missed this when I replied...

I do believe that a wedding is just a party. That's got absolutely nothing to do with what I think is important about a relationship though! What's important about a relationship has nothing at all to do with whether or not you throw a party to mark a milestone. But what's important about a party is the food and drink really...

In my case, our wedding guest were pretty evenly spread across the country - no matter where we held it, 3/4 of the guests would have to travel several hundred miles. So we did think that if we were going to do it at all, then we'd need to show some hospitality. And I'm glad we did. But several years on, if we hadn't bothered at all, I'd feel no less "married" to my OH.

Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with spending less either, it's a personal choice.

I don't really understand your argument though - you could equally argue that you can have a nice holiday for £200, so why would anyone spend more than that on a holiday? Or you can live quite easily in a 1 bed flat, so why have a house? You can cook at home, so why go out for dinner? Sometime in live, it's nice to treat yourself, and IMO moneysaving is about getting the best deal, not always doing the cheapest thing.

hgotsparkle

EmmaBridgewater wrote: »

But the op wants a medium sized wedding .. It's not mean at all if you want the traditional wedding (which many do..) it costs!

I know that OP wants a medium, fairly modest wedding, but I'm focusing more on that you say a day where a lot of money isn't spent is not memorable. Its memorable whatever you do because of the nature of the day and what it represents, not what you spend. That was aimed more at your comment on that, not what the OP has to spend.

fay144

Person_one wrote: »

DR's right though that it is wrong to call it 'just a piece of paper'.

Its a really significant legal document, that brings with it serious rights and responsibilities that you don't have without, no matter how committed you feel.

Fair point. I didn't mean to belittle the state of marriage calling it a "piece of paper" - I did decide to do it after all, largely for those reasons, and also to share a name. But what I meant was that it made no difference to how I felt about my husband, or to the functioning of our relationship.

barbiedoll

There's no reason why the OP and his girlfriend shouldn't have a nice wedding but there are lots of ways to cut the costs, as many posters have already suggested. (Although it's a brave man who suggests that his bride "have a look on Gumtree/Ebay/charity shops" to get her dress!)

200 people is a lot to have to feed and water and you'll need a large hall to accommodate them all. If you can't cut the guest list, then maybe think about getting married in the late afternoon/early evening (say 5pm?) and you won't then have to feed everyone twice!

If your bride wants a brand-new dress, get her to get a pic of the one she wants and she can find a dressmaker to run up a copy for a fraction of the price. And I can echo what Person One said about the word "wedding" inflating the price of everything. If you want a cake, DO NOT say that it is for a wedding until the absolute last minute. A lot of couples prefer something different to the traditional white tiered cake anyway and there are many gifted bakers out there who would be willing and able to make a beautiful cake for less than the hundreds of pounds that you are now expected to pay for a wedding confection. (If you live anywhere near South-East London or Kent, I know two people who I would happily recommend, I'm sure lots of people on here will know someone too.)

It can be done on a tight budget but you have to be firm, again, as someone else said, these things tend to have a habit of running away from you, if the relatives get involved, your costings will soar ("You must invite Aunty Gladys' neighbour's cousin, she would be very upset at missing your wedding" etc etc)

Good luck with your planning, it is very exciting but I don't envy you, planning a wedding is like planning for Christmas. Every time you think you have paid for everything, you realise that you have forgotten something else! :eek:

sukysue

EB give the old style moneysaving thread a look I think they have some brilliant ideas for savings and if you put your wedding predicament on there they will help I am sure on there ,also why the deadline of 2 years for a house and wedding surely you can get married asap and then save for the house deposit it would put you under less stress my dear doing them one at a time iyswim. Good luck whatever you decide to do .You need to enter into the spirit of things too make saving money fun and it won't seem so bad it's all to do with state of mind and positive attitude.

daisiegg

victory wrote: »

I agree with everyone else, £6k for a wedding, for one day is :eek:

Imagine how much lovely furnishings/furniture you could buy for that, how much DIY improvements could be made.

I read recently and cannot remember which paper that a couple had managed to get married for £1:D:D a lot of it was down to freegle, freecycle, ebay and everyone giving up their time and expertise to the couple, like the nan made the 3 tier cake, one of their friends took the photographs, her mum was an ex florist, the bridesmaids dresses were loaned from a friend who had a wedding some time earlier, the page boys outfits the same and on and on it goes, it is the most fantastic cheap happy way to get married, everyone involved, everyone helping to organize, donating their time, feeling part of it and at the end of the day no one is in debt, has had a fabulous day for very little money, perfect:D

No need for £6k extravaganza

How is that possible? The actual legal, unavoidable costs of getting married (not a 'wedding') are more than £1

hawk30

I had a small church wedding with the reception in the local pub and no evening do, but it still cost 3k, so I don't think 6k for what the OP has planned is extortionate. (I could have easily afforded a bigger wedding.) OP be careful about budgeting as you may find it costs a lot more than you expect as there will be lots of bits you haven't thought of. My 3k included absolutely everything.

Dress (bridesmaid dress in ivory)
Bridesmaid's dress and accessories
Shoes, veil, accessories, etc (eBay)
Meal in pub
Wine for toast
Cake and flowers done by MIL
Table decs (made using materials from eBay and doubled as favours)
Invites, menus, order of service
Church fees
Hotel for me and parents, sister and her family
Car (£50 which they tried to bump up to £300 when they heard it was a wedding)
Gifts for family and bridesmaid

Person_one

I don't understand what the problem would be with a dress from ebay, I've just had the briefest of glances and there are hundreds and hundreds of really expensive dresses worn once and now up for about £100.

MattLcfc

fay144 wrote: »

Missed this when I replied...

I do believe that a wedding is just a party. That's got absolutely nothing to do with what I think is important about a relationship though! What's important about a relationship has nothing at all to do with whether or not you throw a party to mark a milestone. But what's important about a party is the food and drink really...

In my case, our wedding guest were pretty evenly spread across the country - no matter where we held it, 3/4 of the guests would have to travel several hundred miles. So we did think that if we were going to do it at all, then we'd need to show some hospitality. And I'm glad we did. But several years on, if we hadn't bothered at all, I'd feel no less "married" to my OH.

Not that I'm saying there is anything wrong with spending less either, it's a personal choice.

I don't really understand your argument though - you could equally argue that you can have a nice holiday for £200, so why would anyone spend more than that on a holiday? Or you can live quite easily in a 1 bed flat, so why have a house? You can cook at home, so why go out for dinner? Sometime in live, it's nice to treat yourself, and IMO moneysaving is about getting the best deal, not always doing the cheapest thing.

Great post particularly the last paragraph is very true.

MattLcfc

sukysue wrote: »

EB give the old style moneysaving thread a look I think they have some brilliant ideas for savings and if you put your wedding predicament on there they will help I am sure on there ,also why the deadline of 2 years for a house and wedding surely you can get married asap and then save for the house deposit it would put you under less stress my dear doing them one at a time iyswim. Good luck whatever you decide to do .You need to enter into the spirit of things too make saving money fun and it won't seem so bad it's all to do with state of mind and positive attitude.

We're planing the wedding for 2015, first of all to give us a bit of time to plan and save but also because we both have siblings that are getting married in 2014 and we think its only fair that they have their moment. Also we'll be going half with my sister on a lot of things such as centre pieces etc. There is very little difference in renting to buying so we're halfing the cost