Brother borrowed 20k without consent

Brenny

Really sorry to hear your sad news Nana. The army benevolent fund helped my father-in-law when he was ill so that is a good avenue to follow.

I do hope that things get better soon for you. Your approach all the way through this painful part of your lives has truly been an inspiration to us all on how to deal with adversity with courage and dignity. Don't worry about what may or may not be being said about you. You (and your dad) know the truth so hold that close to your heart.

Love to you for a peaceful future.

FireWyrm

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

I am not expecting her to pay for anything but she says that although they lived as man & wife they were not married so she is not responsible but will the DWP see it that way?
Whose finances will the take into consideration? I dont want to apply for & get anything I am not entitled to.

Oh for the love of....!!!!!!!

These people are just pieces of scum, your brother and now this woman who claimed to give a flying f**k about your father and now the nasty old witch cant even be bothered to chip in for the funeral despite being affluent and entirely able. I'm speechless. Truly. Disgusted. If ever someone was asking for a brick through the window, it's that woman. I'm not sure which one of them I despise more.

As for your family...they defy belief. If it was my brother who had done this, I would make it my life's mission to destroy him one way or the other and I wouldnt give a damn what the family thought about it.

I've been reading this from the very beginning and all I can do is offer my sincere condolences. I guess it could perhaps be viewed as something of a mercy in that the illness was short and he was not forced to endure a life of penury. I know it does nothing to lessen the pain - we are just voices over the internet, but my thoughts are genuinely with you.

wheezy57

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

Absolutely no offence taken wheezy I completely understood where you were coming from I merely wanted to clarify why I hadnt 'taken over' dads finances.

I was told my brother has used the ruse to wider family that I am the driving force pushing dad to take action which is totally untrue & it hurts that anyone might somehow believe that, that concept plays on my mind & if anything actually made me deter dad. I have never ever had money off my dad, money is not important to me & never has been, I have never coveted anything anyone has and have been happy with my modest life through choice, all my friends will confirm as long as I have my animals and my children who I am devoted to I am happy. Over these months however desperately he has wanted to I have not let my dad pay for so much as a cup of coffee for me which I know greatly saddened him.

I know my emotions are all over the place at the moment, I am feeling so low & sad with so much to deal with & getting nowhere. When do you ever get to talk to a person on the phone instead of an animated response & choice of options? When you do get a person on the end there is nothing personal about there response they just list off rehursed procedures. My confidence has been shattered by everything thats gone on, I am not copoing well & know I am waffling & appoloogise for that.

It would appear that your brother is still using tactics second to none to sway 'the wider family' to blacken your name. That will hurt big time.

Please do not apologise to any of us on here. We like waffle and ramble!!
I do know how you must feel when you get another 'press button 2 for an assistant' and then you get some oik from a far off land who doesnt have a clue- it is so dispiriting.

I know you will keep on with your inner drive and that is your strength. I dont think you will get very far with your fathers partner. Her own family will be wanting to preserve her/their interests.

Please keep us posted on the new stage in your fathers journey and indeed your own.

We are all here at any given time x

agarnett

FireWyrm wrote: »

Oh for the love of....!!!!!!!....

Well quite! I like many others have read this thread and can't quite believe what we are reading - all I can say in further commiseration, is that whatever the real life events that have led to this amazing and shocking story of 21st Century life, and the extraordinary tests endured by gentle folk at the hands of others who have failed the test, and ... please don't take this slightly flippant remark the wrong way ... there must be quite some value in writing the book, and selling the film rights !

There are some really important lessons in this - it explores the frailty of the human condition and in equal measure the tolerance so well. I think you have done a great deal of good in sharing your thoughts, OP.

TBagpuss

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I second the suggestion to make the application for a funeral grant - https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility
Also, given that your dad was in the army, it may be worth contacting the Army Benevelent Fund and the Royal British Legion (http://www.britishlegion.org.uk/can-we-help/financial-assistance/grants-and-loans/immediate-needs-grants) or SSAFA (https://www.ssafa.org.uk/)
Most of them will only help if you are not entitled to help through benefits, so check the funeral grant first.

I do hope that as time passes, you will take comfort from knowing that you provided your dad with the love and support he needed, despite his son's behaviour.

patanne

I am so sorry to hear about the death of your father.

I remember you saying some time ago that your own financial circumstances are not too good, so please be very careful NOT to accept any financial responsibility for the funeral etc until you know that you have funding in place.

I think you may find some more help over on the over 50s forum.

Caroline_a

So sorry to hear about your dad. If it was me I would be shouting it from the rooftops what your brother has done - but you've probably got more decorum than me!

Take care x

girlatplay

Oh Nana. I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely Dad. I have followed your story from the beginning and I am now in tears for you.

I also, like Eager_Elephant, would be willing to donate a few pounds towards a funeral. Lovely thought EE.

xx

lemonpopsicle

girlatplay wrote: »

Oh Nana. I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely Dad. I have followed your story from the beginning and I am now in tears for you.

I also, like Eager_Elephant, would be willing to donate a few pounds towards a funeral. Lovely thought EE.

xx

? GoFundMe - has anyone any experience of setting one up?

HulkRogan

Man what a mess, I have experience with these types of situations and hope everything will be ok.