Brother borrowed 20k without consent

NANANINANOONOO

wheezy57 wrote: »

Nana, I presumed - wrongly - that you had 'taken over' the sorting out of your fathers money affairs. I do apologise and I am sorry if I had offended you in any way. That was not the intention.

Deelightful has given two links that may help you to find if there is anything out there that is your fathers and solely your fathers even after his son stole everything else. I also note her comment in her post - 'He(your brother) has already lost his family hasn't he and you are all worth more than gold'. I could not have put that better.

Cold comfort right now but when you are not feeling so raw and wretched Im sure you will come to a time when you can raise a toast to your Dad and say that you did your best and that you loved him. He will get the message and that will be comforting...

Absolutely no offence taken wheezy I completely understood where you were coming from I merely wanted to clarify why I hadnt 'taken over' dads finances.

I was told my brother has used the ruse to wider family that I am the driving force pushing dad to take action which is totally untrue & it hurts that anyone might somehow believe that, that concept plays on my mind & if anything actually made me deter dad. I have never ever had money off my dad, money is not important to me & never has been, I have never coveted anything anyone has and have been happy with my modest life through choice, all my friends will confirm as long as I have my animals and my children who I am devoted to I am happy. Over these months however desperately he has wanted to I have not let my dad pay for so much as a cup of coffee for me which I know greatly saddened him.

I know my emotions are all over the place at the moment, I am feeling so low & sad with so much to deal with & getting nowhere. When do you ever get to talk to a person on the phone instead of an animated response & choice of options? When you do get a person on the end there is nothing personal about there response they just list off rehursed procedures. My confidence has been shattered by everything thats gone on, I am not copoing well & know I am waffling & appoloogise for that.

RuthnJasper

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

My darling dad has now sadly died of agressive pancreatic cancer after just 6 short weeks of his symptoms presenting. As followers of this thread know he was a good strong intelligent & honest family man of eighty-six who was the victim of elderly financial abuse at the hands of his 60 year old son 17 months ago. He is now at peace after months of mental torment, anguish and dispair caused by his own son taking his entire life savings & weekly pensions totalling approx £70,000 leaving him penniless & in debt for the first time in his whole life, then his son & his sons family abandoned him. It is fair to say that with no closure this man died with a broken heart & a dying wish that all should know as a warning of easily misplaced trust. Love you with all my heart dad xxxx

PS: As yet no insurance policies can be found amongst dads effects. Can anyone advise how to find out about claimed or unclaimed life insurance policies?

Nana, I am so dreadfully sorry for you. I really have been moved by what happened to you and your father and I am sorry that it has ended like this.

Please don't feel guilty for anything - you were there for your father when he needed you. He has passed away knowing the truth about your brother, which blighted his last years - BUT he also passed away in the full knowledge that he had a very loving, intelligent, right-thinking and decent daughter. How proud of you he must be.

Your brother will now have to live the rest of his life with what he has done and the knowledge that his father knew about it. He will never be able to make amends or receive your father's forgiveness or even TRY to settle things between them; I will be much mistaken if - at some point, even if it is not for years - this lack of resolution will start to prey upon his conscience. And as for your lovely, decent, father, he has gone where your brother's cruel actions cannot hurt him any more.

You are in my thoughts Nana, sending you all the good wishes I can.

What is dying?
A ship sails and I stand watching
till she fades on the horizon,
and someone at my side
says, "She is gone".
Gone where? Gone from my sight,
that is all; she is just as
large as when I saw her...
the diminished size and total
loss of sight is in me, not in her,
and just at the moment
when someone at my side
says "she is gone", there are others
who are watching her coming,
and other voices take up the glad shout,
"there she comes!" ...and that is dying.
-- Bishop Charles Henry Brent

NANANINANOONOO

I hate to ask this but in the absence of life insurance someone said I can apply for help in the form of a DWP benfit grant for dads funeral as my husband (who is a pensioner) and myself receive council tax benefit and pension credit so obviously have few savings.
My problem is my father lived with his partner for 10years and she owns her own house; has her own extensive savings + income of widows and state pension, my father received his own retirement and state pensions and contributed to all their household bills and paid for all groceries and travel expenses.
I am not expecting her to pay for anything but she says that although they lived as man & wife they were not married so she is not responsible but will the DWP see it that way?
Whose finances will the take into consideration? I dont want to apply for & get anything I am not entitled to.

RuthnJasper

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

I hate to ask this but in the absence of life insurance someone said I can apply for help in the form of a DWP benfit grant for dads funeral as my husband (who is a pensioner) and myself receive council tax benefit and pension credit so obviously have few savings.
My dialema is my father lived with his partner for 10years and she owns her own house has her own savings (as did my dad) and her income is widows and state pension, my father received his own retirement and state pensions and contributed to all their household bills and paid for all groceries and travel expenses.
I am not for one minute disputing or asking her to be responsibile for anything but she is now claiming that although they lived as a couple she is not responsible for anything - my dialema is will the DWP see it that way?
Who will they deem responsible? I dont want to apply for something I am not entitled to,

I'm ever so sorry Nana, I am completely unable to advise on things like this; wouldn't know where to start - I'm sure someone knowledgeable will be along soon. In the meantime, perhaps these pages on the AgeUK website might help: http://www.ageuk.org.uk/money-matters/legal-issues/what-to-do-when-someone-dies/arranging-a-funeral/?

Best wishes. x

Mojisola

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

I hate to ask this but in the absence of life insurance someone said I can apply for help in the form of a DWP benfit grant for dads funeral as my husband (who is a pensioner) and myself receive council tax benefit and pension credit so obviously have few savings.

My dialema is my father lived with his partner for 10years and she owns her own house has her own savings (as did my dad) and her income is widows and state pension, my father received his own retirement and state pensions and contributed to all their household bills and paid for all groceries and travel expenses.
I am not for one minute disputing or asking her to be responsibile for anything but she is now claiming that although they lived as a couple she is not responsible for anything - my dialema is will the DWP see it that way?

Who will they deem responsible? I dont want to apply for something I am not entitled to,

https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/eligibility

I don't think you would be able to claim - his partner would have to pay.

On_my_way

Darling Nana,
You truly have a heart of Gold. I am so sorry to read the news about your beloved Dad.

I am thinking of you and your wonderful Dad. xxx

iwannanicerlife

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope someone comes along who can help you with your query x

gunsandbanjos

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your father, he is at rest now and free from pain.

Be kind to yourself, you've been through a lot in the last year or so, take care and there is always someone here to listen if you need an ear xx

Eager_Elephant

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

I hate to ask this but in the absence of life insurance someone said I can apply for help in the form of a DWP benfit grant for dads funeral as my husband (who is a pensioner) and myself receive council tax benefit and pension credit so obviously have few savings.
My dialema is my father lived with his partner for 10years and she owns her own house has her own savings (as did my dad) and her income is widows and state pension, my father received his own retirement and state pensions and contributed to all their household bills and paid for all groceries and travel expenses.
I am not for one minute disputing or asking her to be responsibile for anything but she is now claiming that although they lived as a couple she is not responsible for anything - my dialema is will the DWP see it that way?
Who will they deem responsible? I dont want to apply for something I am not entitled to,

Sorry to hear of your loss Nana - I think I posted right at the start as we had similar in our family.


I would give the bereavement section a call - people that I thought would not get a funeral payment have received one even though there is wider family.


If you apply and are not entitled you just get a letter to say you are not entitled - there is no black mark against your name.


I wonder if the partner doesn't have any money - surely if they have lived together for 10 years (and presumably been together longer than that) then she loved your father and would want to contribute to the funeral. It just seems odd that she is saying she is not responsible?!?


You said your father had some pensions - were any of those private pensions that might pay out a lump sum on death?


Failing that what were his jobs throughout his lifetime? There may be a benevolent fund for his line of work. Failing that if he served in the Army/Navy etc you could approach Royal British Legion for some assistance with the funeral.



Failing all that maybe all your readers on here can donate a few pounds and you would have the cost of a funeral in no time. I, personally would be happy to contribute.

NANANINANOONOO

Eager_Elephant wrote: »

Sorry to hear of your loss Nana - I think I posted right at the start as we had similar in our family.


I would give the bereavement section a call - people that I thought would not get a funeral payment have received one even though there is wider family.


If you apply and are not entitled you just get a letter to say you are not entitled - there is no black mark against your name.


I wonder if the partner doesn't have any money - surely if they have lived together for 10 years (and presumably been together longer than that) then she loved your father and would want to contribute to the funeral. It just seems odd that she is saying she is not responsible?!?


You said your father had some pensions - were any of those private pensions that might pay out a lump sum on death?


Failing that what were his jobs throughout his lifetime? There may be a benevolent fund for his line of work. Failing that if he served in the Army/Navy etc you could approach Royal British Legion for some assistance with the funeral.



Failing all that maybe all your readers on here can donate a few pounds and you would have the cost of a funeral in no time. I, personally would be happy to contribute.

Actually they have lived together a total of 23 years with just a 4 year break in between. Dads partner got in complete panick when he got ill six weeks ago. He has never been ill & from him looking after her & doing everything for her he was suddenly in pain & needed help. She is very elderly so was big shock for her, I dont think she expected him to go before herself (he was 86 she 95) & I guess she is worried about how she will manage on her own & may need to pay for help. She did love dad & they lived as man & wife but I guess she has her own family who may be influential.

Thank you for your tips on who to approach. Dad had only two jobs his whole life and worked hard all his life in the same field + he did his national service in army so I will check those out + his works pension provider.

Your help is much appreciated - its hard to think clearly when feeling so emotional. Many many thanks x