Brother borrowed 20k without consent

silverchair

I've just read this whole thread. I dont have anything useful to add. You are a very admirable person, Nana. You have stood by your father and let him take time to make his own decisions rather than railroading him into a decision. This has probably helped him greatly in having some control over the situation.

I was really hoping that the last page of this thread would be that everything had been sorted out satisfactorily

Thank you also for starting this thread as it is now a wealth of knowledge for someone who has gone through something similar to your Father.

I think your brother and his children are awful.

lemonpopsicle

Hope you and your dad are ok NANANINA, are there any developments? x

NANANINANOONOO

Thank you so much for asking.

Sadly there have been no developments, for every step forward there was a knock-back, the bottom line being not enough evidence for police to be assured a successful prosecution & my dad simply has no funds to pursue a civil case. Even though solicitors say dad would win his case he has no money to pay fees upfront & unfortunately despite my brother owning his house if he has other debts there is no guarantee he would have any assets to claim from. I got so low & became ill pursuing every avenue & trying to keep my dads spirits up when every time the law & system just let him down over & over again, he was/is a broken man & while I tried to hide my own despair & disbelief over it all I guess my spirit broke too.

The fact is it has happened & dad has no recourse or protection (as it seems happens with many elderly people at the hands of trusted family & friends) & sadly worst of all for dad there is no closure. I have tried to reassure dad its only money (albeit £70,000) & to let it go because it seems that is the only thing he can do but he is so hurt & angry he still talks of nothing else & cannot accept there is nothing can be done - he is a different man having lost all his confidence, he is very dependant on me & it is very hard. Meantime there has been no word from my brother or his family but I have learnt my nephews & niece have been holidaying in America & other locations, only last week to Disneyland Paris but I have kept this information hidden from dad - I don't think he could take it as he already feels heartbroken that they don't care how he is managing.

To top it all my husband has undergone MRI scan & has a heartbreaking degenerative condition, I myself am about to undergo two operations & one of our little grandsons was recently diagnosed as autistic. We are struggling but I am trying to stay strong for everyone, I cant pretend I don't feel bitter about what my brother has done & the ongoing effect it is having on everything, I confess I feel pangs of anger when things get tough & I hate myself for that but I cannot let my dad know the sadness I feel or let it ruin our lives. The main thing is we have each other. xxx

enthusiasticsaver

I have just read this thread through from the start and feel so sorry for you and your Dad and all you have had to go through in the past year. It must be very difficult not to feel bitter towards your brother and his children but for your own health and your dad's it may be time to let it go and feel thankful you have each other. Stay strong and so sorry to hear about your husband and grandson and I hope the operations you have to undergo go well.


Having said that I do hope that your brother and his family get their come uppance at some point!!

Voyager2002

Perhaps MSE could crowd-fund the money needed for legal costs? Personally I would gladly give a little more than I can afford for such a cause. As it is, all I can do is express my sympathy and admiration for Nana.

micky2phones

Hi i think you are doing a wonderful job in keeping things under control, but dont forget you need someone for you to off load too.

I had things happen to me which push me too the point of a brake down, i look back and think i have not got what i had then but look at what i have now.

I was always being told what goes around comes around or some thing like that. Not sure if that did/does happen as i have moved on now.

Not sure if this has helped in anyway or even makes any sense,but im sure you are strong enough to get though this and move on.(((hugs)))

troubleinparadise

Dear Nana,

I too have followed your story, and thank you for your update, but I'm sorry that no restorative conclusion has happened.

It does sound as though you, your husband and your father must look after yourselves now. I don't think it can be underestimated the physical and mental toll such situations take on those involved.

I have seen this in my own family, whereby my mother was on the receiving end of her brother's sharp financial dealings with family money, and sadly it pretty much destroyed her, and family relationships - not the loss of the money, but the actions taken, and the loss of the perceived closeness and support of a family network. There was a rapprochement of sorts before her death, but the whole sordid story has broken up the family connections.

If there is any comfort in this, and it is a cold comfort and not one I find that actually really helps, her brother is a pretty broken man now, racked with guilt and I know suffers dreadfully as a result. It is hard to hate an old man in his early 80s, but it is also hard to completely forgive and forget.

I wish you and your family some better news on the health front, and the strength to cope with it all. :A

Brenny

Thank you for the update Nana.

Only thing I can add in addition to my best wishes is that, even if you had the money to take this forwards, it is unlikely to resolve any of the hurt and pain. So, although it sounds pretty impossible and easy enoug for me to say, maybe all the thought of action against your brother would be best laid to rest. As I said, easy enough for me to say but I do think that this is the only possible way that any of you are going to get any peace moving forwards.

And, as troubleinparadise said, it is likely your brother is suffering in his own way.

heartbreak_star

Thanks for the update. So sorry to hear no conclusion was reached, and lots of good wishes to your family!

HBS x

wheezy57

Hi Nana

I have read the thread and find the whole saga (for want of a better word) preposterous. At what point does the considerations for your father ever come into the equation from the powers that be. He was robbed blind by his own son and then being persuaded (against his own judgement initially) to report his son to the police the system lets him down because of what would appear to be technicalities (Im no lawyer) or lack of proof. Correct me if Im wrong there.

I also find that the discovery of the amounts of monies stolen have risen dramatically from £20K to £70K. Does that mean you have found other evidence of theft in your dogged investigations. If you and your husband have found evidence of further theft surely this would back up the already mountainous pile of evidence you already have. I just dont understand why you are meeting a brick wall each and every time.

I couldnt sleep last night for thinking about you and your family after reading the whole thread yesterday.

What would have happened if you had gone to your brothers house after you had garnered alot of primary evidence. Were/are you frightened of him. He should in all honesty be afraid of you.

Your brother doesnt sound well and his children are rallying around him. Naturally so. God only know what he has told them in his defence.

Rambling on as I cannot get my head round your brothers lack of familial bonds and indeed love. Did his wife die before all this became apparent or did he go off the rails afterwards.

Too many questions and not enough answers.

I read this thread with the lack of any sort of conclusion. Not that every problem has a conclusion but it doesnt seem to unravel - quite the contrary - it gets more and more tangled and complicated. Which begs the questions - who or what is making it so damned unsolvable.

My thoughts - for what they are worth - with you and your father.

Wheezy.