Brother borrowed 20k without consent

moneyistooshorttomention

[QUOTE=NANANINANOONOO;644974

I just feel so unbearable sad, I go to sleep & wake daily with a heavy painful weight in my chest & my head churning with thoughts like a washing machine - I know dad must feel the same. I want so much to help my dad, if nothing else to find him some sort of closure but I have failed him at every turn :0([/QUOTE]



Do NOT tell yourself that you have "failed" your father. From where I'm standing, you have been there for him every step of the way. You have done/are doing your best to sort this situation out and support him. I honestly don't think you could have done any more to date.

The final thing you can do for him is to ensure everyone else is told what that brother of yours has done and to ensure you keep being supportive of your father.

Take care.

maurice28

It is amazingly impressive how level headed and in control you have been through this (even if you haven't felt it at times). I can only echo what everyone else has said - you have not failed your father at all, it is the system that has failed him (and you).

I'm afraid in your position I would not be able to stop myself being as spiteful as possible and calling/emailing/writing to every member of the family I could to explain just what has happened.

AMILLIONDOLLARS

maurice28 wrote: »

It is amazingly impressive how level headed and in control you have been through this (even if you haven't felt it at times). I can only echo what everyone else has said - you have not failed your father at all, it is the system that has failed him (and you).

I'm afraid in your position I would not be able to stop myself being as spiteful as possible and calling/emailing/writing to every member of the family I could to explain just what has happened.

It will not bring the money back. You have done all you could. The loss is not yours, it will be your brother's, he has lost the love, trust, and indeed a part of his family that no amount of money will ever restore. In time you and your father may forgive him, I hope he finds the courage in his heart to say I am sorry, that is worth even more than the money which is gone forever.

Make peace with yourself, or else your brother's actions will destroy the rest of your life, and your peace of mind. He has already taken a lot from you, don't make him, through your thoughts take this as well. This thread has taught those who have read it so much, you have given us the gift of perseverance, courage and loyalty, you may not have won this battle, but overall you are the victor by what you have demonstrated, being the most loving daughter a father could ever have. Dust yourself down and look forward to a brighter future. As the saying goes, what don't kill you, makes you stronger.

Take care.

AMD

NANANINANOONOO

AMILLIONDOLLARS wrote: »

It will not bring the money back. You have done all you could. The loss is not yours, it will be your brother's, he has lost the love, trust, and indeed a part of his family that no amount of money will ever restore. In time you and your father may forgive him, I hope he finds the courage in his heart to say I am sorry, that is worth even more than the money which is gone forever.

Make peace with yourself, or else your brother's actions will destroy the rest of your life, and your peace of mind. He has already taken a lot from you, don't make him, through your thoughts take this as well. This thread has taught those who have read it so much, you have given us the gift of perseverance, courage and loyalty, you may not have won this battle, but overall you are the victor by what you have demonstrated, being the most loving daughter a father could ever have. Dust yourself down and look forward to a brighter future. As the saying goes, what don't kill you, makes you stronger.

Take care.

AMD

Thank you so much x

RuthnJasper

Any update Nana? Hope you're OK. x

NANANINANOONOO

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Any update Nana? Hope you're OK. x

Thank you very much for asking. Dad has been extremely low & I have managed to get him some talking support which I believe will help him & I have also persuaded him to see his GP which he is doing later in the week.

Sadly dad has received a letter from my brother...the first communication in five months... it is very cold, matter of fact & dismissive & address's my father by his christian name - needless to say my father was devastated & it has again knocked his spirit. The cryptic message in the very formal letter can only be described as an attempt to get my dad to confirm he has no intention of persuing any further action & to make him feel guilt for involving the police, this is no doubt because my brother will have learnt the police are not pursuing the case & he is seeking some peace of mind for himself although it is clear he his children are not interested in my fathers welfare and he is not seeking any form of reconcilliation. I have told dad to not respond on impulse if atall & to let my brother stew for a bit mainly to give dad himself time to decide calmly exactly what he wants to do without feeling under pressure.

Dad also received his few personal items that were delivered in boxes unnanounced early one morning - it was not even a delivery agent but a random young man unknown to my father in a van. This was alarming bearing in mind my father lives in an isolated location is 85 and his partner is 95, they were not expecting a delivery & the driver had to bring the large boxes into their home as my father clearly could not have lifted them. The least my brother should have done was pre-warn them the boxes were on there way!

Needless to say I am fuming at the way my father is being treated - I really dont think he can take much more. The only good thing about the police case being closed is my father is free to discuss how he feels with friends which I know is relieving some of his bottled up distress. I took him out this morning & had a long chat reassuring him that he/we will be fine because we have each other & he is feeling much better :0)

Dads plans in the pipeline are to speak with his MP about the whole situation...the police investigation; the possibility of referring him for pro bono help if he decides to go down that route & to try & highlight the dangers of elderly people being allowed to register for online banking without any checks on whether they have the knowledge & ability to understand & manage procedures on their own. It seems anyone who has access to a persons personal data can register a person for online banking. As in dads case he did not give my brother his password or details my brother set it all up on his own albeit my dad knew he was going to do it, he did not know it gave my brother access to tranfer funds he believed my brother would just monitor his account and advise him and of course he trusted my brother!

RuthnJasper

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

Thank you very much for asking. Dad has been extremely low & I have managed to get him some talking support which I believe will help him & I have also persuaded him to see his GP which he is doing later in the week.

Sadly dad has received a letter from my brother...the first communication in five months... it is very cold, matter of fact & dismissive & address's my father by his christian name - needless to say my father was devastated & it has again knocked his spirit. The cryptic message in the very formal letter can only be described as an attempt to get my dad to confirm he has no intention of persuing any further action & to make him feel guilt for involving the police, this is no doubt because my brother will have learnt the police are not pursuing the case & he is seeking some peace of mind for himself although it is clear he his children are not interested in my fathers welfare and he is not seeking any form of reconcilliation. I have told dad to not respond on impulse if atall & to let my brother stew for a bit mainly to give dad himself time to decide calmly exactly what he wants to do without feeling under pressure.

Dad also received his few personal items that were delivered in boxes unnanounced early one morning - it was not even a delivery agent but a random young man unknown to my father in a van. This was alarming bearing in mind my father lives in an isolated location is 85 and his partner is 95, they were not expecting a delivery & the driver had to bring the large boxes into their home as my father clearly could not have lifted them. The least my brother should have done was pre-warn them the boxes were on there way!

Needless to say I am fuming at the way my father is being treated - I really dont think he can take much more. The only good thing about the police case being closed is my father is free to discuss how he feels with friends which I know is relieving some of his bottled up distress. I took him out this morning & had a long chat reassuring him that he/we will be fine because we have each other & he is feeling much better :0)

Dads plans in the pipeline are to speak with his MP about the whole situation...the police investigation; the possibility of referring him for pro bono help if he decides to go down that route & to try & highlight the dangers of elderly people being allowed to register for online banking without any checks on whether they have the knowledge & ability to understand & manage procedures on their own. It seems anyone who has access to a persons personal data can register a person for online banking. As in dads case he did not give my brother his password or details my brother set it all up on his own albeit my dad knew he was going to do it, he did not know it gave my brother access to tranfer funds he believed my brother would just monitor his account and advise him and of course he trusted my brother!

Thank you so much for replying, Nana; I genuinely and sincerely, having followed your thread from the beginning, care and am interested in how you and your father are doing.

You are absolutely spot-on in your sensible advice to your poor dear father. Your brother does not deserve the courtesy of a response, nor ANY absolution from what he has done. He must stew in the wretched consequences of his actions; even that is less than he deserves.

Perhaps your father may find solace in writing down a complete history of what has transpired? It would help to get it out of his system and, one day, long after these events, it may make a good book to be published (under assumed names, obviously) about how one branch of a family can devastate and mortify their father; whilst the other branch - on its own - can grow stronger and rise to defend what is wrong, against all odds and doubts...

Sorry. I'm an occasional actress and writer, and often get carried away. But I have genuine concern for you Nana - and I hope that you continue to update this thread. You sound stronger than previously on here. I really hope that you are looking after yourself and keeping well. And, as ever, I hope for peace and justice for you and your father. And especially for a sh*t-covered nest of irate hornets to fall on your !!!!less brother's head.

Keep smiling sweetie - you deserve a happy future, more than any of us. x

Dazedandconfused

I just read this thread. Your poor dad must be very hard to deal with such a betrayal of trust

Mojisola

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Perhaps your father may find solace in writing down a complete history of what has transpired? It would help to get it out of his system

Doing this can be very therapeutic - even if it's just kept private.

If there's any chance of it being taken to court, keep it within the family.

If that doesn't happen, a magazine like Saga might be interested in it as a warning story for their readers.

AndyBSG

I really think you should consider going to the local papers.

Your brother deserves to be hounded and despised by all who know of his behaviour and making it public will serve several purposes.

Firstly it will give your dad a chance to vent, secondly it will warn others who could also be vulnerable to this sort of action, finally it will draw attention to your father from groups or people who can help with his now perilous financial situation.