Brother borrowed 20k without consent

mrs_sparrow

OK, I am jumping in here at the last minute and I have not read all of this but can your father not proceed with a civil case to get his money back? He cannot do this at the small claims court but he can visit the court to get the money back this way.

If the money is in his name but he did not receive it, surely this will be enough for him to file a case against your brother. While it is not something we like to talk about make sure your father has amended his will to make sure the money he took is paid back in another way.

Your bother is scum, I'd never want anything to do with him ever again.

RuthnJasper

NANANINANOONOO wrote: »

... but I have failed him at every turn :0(

Nana - Please KNOW that you have NOT, at any stage or in any way, 'failed' your father. Your brother has - but that is NOT your fault. It's hard to comprehend everything when emotions are all over the place, I know, but you have been a real boon to your dad in this. All that you have done has been amazing and has taken real courage and genuine strength.

Your father is very, very lucky to have you. There is only ONE person to blame for this and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT you.

I do hope that you are taking care of yourself; the stress of this is an enormous burden, quite apart from the horror and sadness of your brother's perfidy and his refusal to come clean. Please don't be too hard on yourself, sweetie. xx

marmitepotato

This is such a sad thread, one day the son who helped himself to his fathers money will be old and vulnerable too. I wonder if his children will follow thier fathers example? (I almost hope so)

I think I'd be naming and shaming to the local newspapers and tv station.

RuthnJasper

marmitepotato wrote: »

This is such a sad thread, one day the son who helped himself to his fathers money will be old and vulnerable too. I wonder if his children will follow thier fathers example? (I almost hope so)

I think I'd be naming and shaming to the local newspapers and tv station.

That's what I think too. He deserves to be betrayed and made miserable, and I hope his wretchedness is extreme for what he has done to his own father.

kanute50

I haven't read they updates for a while now, so I was shocked to read that the Police are unable to proceed with the prosecution. Like others have said, it is time to inform other family members of what your brother has done. I'm sure they will be as disgusted as all of us on this forum. Your nephews and niece need to be told the TRUE facts of what their dad has done to their Grandad, not their dad's version.


I send love and respect to you and your Dad for the way you have handled all this with such dignity.

Mojisola

It would be worth writing it all out so that everyone gets the same facts and the story doesn't get changed as it's passed from one person to another.

RuthnJasper

Mojisola wrote: »

It would be worth writing it all out so that everyone gets the same facts and the story doesn't get changed as it's passed from one person to another.

That's a really brilliant idea Mojisola. A cut 'n' paste from this thread would be a good place to start... x

patanne

Please do not think for one moment that you have failed him. You have stood beside him through all this. The only one who has failed him is his son. He alone is the person who should be totally ashamed of himself. His children will eventually will realise what their father has done, indeed they may already and just be too embarrassed to face any other family. Just think how you would feel if your parents had done something like this to your grandparents.

To put this into perspective. I asked my DS how he would feel if I diverted some of my parent's funds (I have power of attorney) for our use (the parent has a lot more than I will ever have). The response was a gratifyingly puzzled - but you wouldn't do that, but on me pushing the question was - move out and work out how he would manage to speak to me again, asking how could I ever be THAT desperate for money. I should also add that he doesn't actually like my remaining parent very much.

You carry absolutely no blame in this and have done nothing but support your father, so please, please, please do not beat yourself up over this. Eventually, it will all come home to roost. We all hope that this will be sooner rather than later.

tommytynan123

patanne wrote: »

Please do not think for one moment that you have failed him. You have stood beside him through all this.
You carry absolutely no blame in this and have done nothing but support your father, so please, please, please do not beat yourself up over this. Eventually, it will all come home to roost. We all hope that this will be sooner rather than later.

Well, as you suspected, no prosecution. Your father may well now edge towards ''nothing more to do'' and he needs you strong to carry on the battle.
As I posted some weeks back the barriers are now down and you can write to him at home or work. If it was me I'd probably go into his/sons work and ask for him whilst at the same time dropping of a letter to his boss, Chief Exec etc. (Don't tell him you've done that)
Tell the whole family / friends (and a link to this thread is ideal)
Follow some of the good advice about pro-bono etc.
All I would say is be very careful what you say. Ensure the wording is clear, succint, calm and not aggressive or threatening.

Keep going. Each step may get harder, but don't stop. The view at the top is beautiful.

lemonpopsicle

Have you managed to retrieve any of your dads belongings? I seem to remember there were Premium Bonds mentioned, hopefully your brother hasn't fraudulently cashed them in too
You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of, you have been a rock to your dad and he's very lucky to have you. I am amazed at your patient, fair, balanced approach to this awful situation. I hate to say it but if I was in your position I would have dealt with my brother very differently!
Big hugs x