im back but no further on!

smudgemanc26

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

i cant see us being married for a long time to tell you all the truth- i feel like a second rate citizen and its not good for me or my daughter who i believe is suffering because of all the negativity i feel towards her father. If i left him i would be better off all round- definately better off financially, and its something i have thought about a LOT over the past few weeks. I too would gladly give my last crust of bread and my last penny to anyone i loved and i wouldnt think twice about doing it either- buts that me to a T- and i let people walk all over with me- the same happens at work!

Well dont beat yourself up about being a nice person - id rather be a nice person anyday than one which lives a horrible miserable life who probably doesnt have any real true friends and who's family dont think that much of. You stick with being nice and im sure whatever happens something good will come your way as they say 'what goes around comes around'

I can understand you feeling the way you do and to be honest i was thinking the same but didnt want to say it, its your decision after all. But u prob would be better off you would get support for yourself and your daughter.

What i would do though if you are seriously considering leaving him is to sit down and stress how important this is and tell him what you are contemplating. Be firm and at the end of the day if he doesnt do anything about it after your talk and his warning then you know he's not worth bothering with.

Really do hope something works out for you its not nice to hear about people struggling.

Just remember though you have your daughter, friends, family and all the other DFW's on this board for support. jen x

Skint_Catt

I was just wondering if it'd be cheaper for you to get out of there though means you'd have to pay rent, bills etc, though the CSA I'm sure could make up for that!

C xx

tigzem

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

sorry about not replying tigzem! I dont know if i can work things out with him, as at the moment i just feel bitter towards him. I want to make the whole thing work but he's not even given me an inch of anything. The only good thing that will come out of this is that i can hold my head up and say i paid off the debts myself! I have things to look forward to for when ive paid everything off! Thanks for all lovely messages- knew i could count on all you guys for support!!! xxx

Too right!

Are you local to me? xx

tigzem

Skint_Catt wrote: »

I was just wondering if it'd be cheaper for you to get out of there though means you'd have to pay rent, bills etc, though the CSA I'm sure could make up for that!

C xx

As a single Mum you'd get a lot of financial help, housing benefit etc. Worth looking into. X

Tashja

Hi hun

Oh gawd - I cannot believe he is sat on that money and won't pay for his DD or give you/parents anything for the wedding

I am also wondering if you would be better off alone because then he would HAVE to pay - perhaps mention this to him.

((big hugs)) I wish I was closer to Hampshire because you need all the support you can at the moment ((hugs)0

T xx

hannahsmummy1

i just went on entitled to and they say if i was single i would get 234 a WEEK! Might be worth pointing that out to him!

Ytaya

You should point that out to him! Also, if you're having serious doubts about staying with him, could you consider marriage counselling? Someone like Relate? They might be able to act as a mediator to help you guys figure something out. On the other hand, if you're absolutely sure about what you want, then check and double-check all your options and take whatever leap you feel will work best for you. Look around you here - we'll all help with what we can!

Snaggles

Hi Hannahsmummy - can I just ask a maybe silly question - is he good with money? It just seems odd that he would have such a high balance in his current account, where he is probably earning very little interest, and I was wondering if he maybe isn't very financially savvy (and this could be partly why he doesnt understand why YOU need more money from him). Told you it was a silly question, but it just seems odd that's all.

I'm sorry you are feeling like you may not have a future with him, I do hope you can bring him to his senses.

Shineyhappy

I cant believe how much he has in the bank! A marriage is a partnership and if one half of the partnership doesnt even want to pay for his own wedding well I hate to say it but if I were you I would think that it wasnt very important to him.

I really suggest you take some time apart from him and have a good think. Write a letter to him, tell him how you feel and tell him you wont put up with his selfish behaviour and say that the debt wasnt run up just by you. Let him stew for a while.

Only do that if you really are prepared to leave though.

hannahsmummy1

he is extremely good with money, i dont think its always been the case though, hence part of the reason he is why he is. I am going to try and talk to him again tonight, and tell him how miserable he is making me by being like this & not giving me any money for housekeeping or for our daughter. If it was only 10 pounds a week it would be something! It just makes me even more determined to pay the debts off so when i pay them off i can stick two fingers up at him!