Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

wegle

Alex, you've just identified one of your triggers, Facebook. Now that you know it is a trigger you can decide how to manage it so that it doesn't lead to destructive behaviour. That could be not going on it at all anymore, removing certain friends, or deciding to modify your reactions to the trigger.

The guys above have already suggested som great thought processes e.g are they getting into debt for that, a Porsche does the same as a corsa etc. you need to find what works for you. I'm sure we'd all love a shiny flash Porsche (I know I would!!), but which would I prefer? A Porsche or my husband. Aporsche or my piece of mind? A Porsche or financial security for my son and his future? I'm not saying its easy, god I feel sooooo jealous of people sometimes, but you're learning to take pleasurein the simpler things in life, which will benefit you all for a long time to come.

AlexLK

Wednesday 18th September, 2013.
Day 17.

Dear Diary,

I am drowning in a sea of misery flanked by the barren horizon. I am but a helpless tiny wooden boat amongst massive trans-Atlantic cargo ships. I have been given an impossible task of such mammoth proportion I know I have been set up to lose; all because of a lapse in self control. Yes, my wife is back and yes she has indeed gave me an ultimatum. In order to keep what I hold so dear I must not lapse into my old ways: no drinking to excess, buying to excess, collecting or refusing medical help. No more debts or lying. No more mistakes, this is no longer the dress rehearsal IT'S THE REAL THING and I am not ready for it.

She no longer seems to care believing I make "excuse after excuse, before giving her a glimmer of hope I will only shatter in a matter of days". There are times I wished my heart didn't ache for her, for I would perhaps be able to think more clearly, act more rationally. However, love doesn't seem to work like that.

This is the beginning of the end of my marriage, all for one stupid mistake yesterday.

Summary:
Not spent a penny.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

7roland8

Alex - the task isn't impossible at all - if your marriage and family mean anything to you its surely an easy choice - put them above buying useless junk. You can do it - you started off so positive.

wegle

Alex, you have been given something that many haven't, a second chance. That is a positive thing. You are CHOOSING to see it as a negative. You have all the power to turn your life around now you just need to man up and do it! And you know what? You can. The only person that can stop you is yourself. Xxx

AlexLK

In response:

HBS: Thank you, lots of helpful advice there.

littlegreenparrot: I have not discussed how Mrs. K. should contribute towards the paying of my / our debts this evening. She seems to have backed away from wanting to be jointly responsible.

Roland: I do not put looking at Facebook above spending time with my son, he was with me but happily playing alone.

fc123: Yes, things have been very difficult between Mrs. K. and I as of late. We had a great fortnight when I started this diary though. However, that was in no way representative of the state of our marriage before: she'd come home, there would be crossed words and then she'd go off to her brother's for the evening. Always just before our son went to bed so I'd have to deal with him being upset my wife was not around to read to him / say goodnight (she has done this job since he was born). She'd sometimes threaten to leave for good, taking our little boy and telling me I'd never see him again. So, yes, my wife is not perfect either.

I do not know the main reasons behind my compulsion to spend. I wish I did, perhaps then it would be easier?

Yes there is more to the make-up of a person than how much money they have. However, when you are painfully aware that you are a horrible person, what else can you do?

Her jewellery: some was but most wasn't.

Echo Delta / DFW / fc / C-R / Kantankrus / wegle: I tend to try and avoid Facebook, not sure why it was today I chose to look on there. Thank you for all your help and advice in regards to it.

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - the task isn't impossible at all - if your marriage and family mean anything to you its surely an easy choice - put them above buying useless junk. You can do it - you started off so positive.

wegle wrote: »

Alex, you have been given something that many haven't, a second chance. That is a positive thing. You are CHOOSING to see it as a negative. You have all the power to turn your life around now you just need to man up and do it! And you know what? You can. The only person that can stop you is yourself. Xxx

Of course I am going to try but to make no mistakes ever, seems to be asking the impossible.

bess1234_2

"An impossible task of mammoth proportion" !!!!!!! Mrs k is just asking you to be a husband. Get over yourself.

I work with very neglected poor abused Young people.They find it hard to get out of bed or do a long days work, because no ones ever taught them how to do it, and how to cope with life. Your not special Alex, your just like them and everyone else.

You are faced with a choice of losing everything or making an effort, and your reply says it all. No one can do this for you, you have to do it yourself. And you Are capable of it. YOU are making the choice.

But I'm not reading anymore, because you don't really want to change , do you?

Kantankrus_Mare

Not sure what to say to you to regarding your ."last chance saloon" situation.
Only you can make things better with your wife and no one is denying it will be an uphill struggle. Surely worth it though?

Seperate to this are your very low self esteem issues which I recognise in my sister in law who also has the shopping for non essentials habit. She is also very often low.

I think you could do with either confidence classes or counselling. Not easy when your life feels like it is falling apart I know but I hope for all your sakes you find the strength and will power. X

maddiemay

I hope that it really is not the beginning of the end.....

It does not have to be.

Mrs K has given you one more chance, it is up to you now. If she and Little K are really as important to you as you say they are it is now up to you to change your ways once and for all.

If your mental health issues and lack of self esteem are major contributors/causes of your present problems, you must tackle them as soon as possible by having a totally frank and honest conversation with the eye candy medic and ask for help ASAP!

You need to get serious about the debt issues, find that missing money, with the assistance of Mrs K, put the proceeds of the sales of pens etc in a place where you both have to sign to move or withdraw it, and then get on with selling more STUFF, it has not made you happy buying it (not for more than a few hours anyway). What is really more important to you, your marriage, your son and your own well being, or "borrowing" from financial institutions, to own things just because they are pleasing on the eye, or other people in different circumstances have them?

You have a lot of support here, stop and think before you commit to any purchase however small, weigh that up against the loss of your family. No, it will not be easy, but it IS within your power, you must make it so.

Take care.

HOK3Y

Alex, you are having a really hard time with this but my word you are skirting a massive price tag if you don't get a grip. I think everyone here who has followed you along since your first post is absolutely pushing for you to succeed and you can see that in how many come here to support you everyday. It is as if so many people here know that you need help to get through this but they all have more faith in you than I think you do yourself. Everyone here sees change in you, sees desire in you, sees something that tells them to keep pushing you on.

You love your wife dearly - that is plainly obvious. Believe me, the price tag of divorce goes way beyond money. You don't want it. Especially given your feelings for this woman and your worries for the future. Lay yourself bare, ask for her forgiveness, turn yourself over to her completely, but get a grip of your situation before it takes a turn down a one way street.

You know what you need to do and you understand that FB is not a healthy place to be. There will be many more triggers you come across that you will need to deal with. Be alert for them and prepared to shift focus when you identify a problem.

I really want to see you turn this around - don't know what it is about you but I want to see you beat the cr*p out of your current situation - and I think everyone else here does too. Life changes all the time. Where you are now is not where you will be next week even. Just keep pushing in the direction you want to go. You can clearly see that there are a lot of people here who will support you every step of the way.

Love and best wishes to you, Mrs K and Little K. Xxx