Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

heartbreak_star

Ah, didn't remember Mrs. K didn't know about the debt.

In that case, it's voluntary whether she wants to sell her stuff I'm afraid. Though I might, if it was stuff I'd not worn or whatever.

HBS x

7roland8

Actually Alex - while you are being envious of others' possessions on Facebook - who is playing with your son? If you were doing that you'd have no time to view that trivia.

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

In response:

Patanne: Brother-in-law has been round here this morning. It wasn't as horrendous as it usually is but he has told me that Mrs. K. is considering going. She seems quite serious in that they spoke of practical matters regarding whether or not she would be able to afford to take on the mortgage alone etc. should things "not work out to her satisfaction". I think this may be my last chance.




I. Some things that are free / very inexpensive can be fun.

II. Son enjoys going for a walk / swimming more than getting new shiny toys.

III. I actually have a pretty decent marriage when I manage to "behave myself".

I am guessing things have been 'brewing' for a while before you started your thread on here though....and then Mrs K discovering that you had a large debt could have been her final clincher.
She has sound supportive and on board from what you have written so, understandably, was very upset about your fall off the wagon yesterday.

The only family dynamic I find slightly odd is her brother coming over to 'tell you'.....but it's not a judgement, just something that comes over to me as unusual as why couldn't she just say it to you instead?

Gotta keep in there Alex as crunch time has come.....and I am guessing that staying with your wife and son as a unit is way more important than the momentary buy buzz of a new shiny luxury item.

AlexLK wrote: »

Even though I did something idiotic yesterday, I can feel myself wanting to slip right now, though I won't. Facebook, don't you just hate it when you see people from school posting up photos of their shiny new home that they've built themselves when you live in a modest house or of that £70,000 Porsche when you know you are quite lucky to have your £4,000 Land Rover.
All of it just makes me want to flip yet again, buy something I can't afford just to say "yes, I'm no worse than you".

Less than an hour until Mrs. K. returns and I feel sick, not got done what I wanted to and wondering if she's purely coming back to tell me I need to move out. Well and truly beginning to lose it now, even considering a soothing glass of wine (or the whole damn bottle).

You do seem to be still discussing the symptoms rather than the core reasons underneath for your compulsion to spend.

Be pleased for them and let the 'envy' go.

"yes, I'm no worse than you".

There's more to the make-up of a person than the house they live in and the car they drive surely?

AlexLK wrote: »

HBS - thank you. I am aware I need to calm down. I have done some positive things today . Your post was really helpful, OK I don't know whether they are getting into debt or not but nevertheless it does make things a little easier to bare if I imagine they are.

So far as Mrs. K. goes, she has a lot of jewellery that was mainly bought for her by me. She doesn't really have a lot she bought herself and isn't into collecting. She does like her holidays though .

I am not so much bitter about selling as upset.

Was his jewellery bought on the cards over the past few years? I would let her choose what to do with it and concentrate on clearing the cards yourself.

Good luck tonight as it all sounds very fraught.

EchoDelta

Hi Alex,

Just discovered your diary and want to wish you well.

With regards to Facebook someone once told me that comparing my life to what others put on Facebook is comparing my everyday life to someone else's edited highlights. No one puts the mundane crap on Facebook! There may be lovely houses and expensive cars but what you don't see may be debt or ill health or job insecurity or loneliness or infertility or.......... etc.

Take care

debtfreewannabe321

FB is the d3vil in disguise i'm sure. I've friends on there posting pics of their holidays, their new cars, their new houses they've had built/extended, gardens they've had re-modelled and most aren't in huge amounts of debt I don't think, they all just happened to get really well paid jobs. I notice it's always them on fb though showing off, people that haven't done so well often keep quiet and are rarely on there (like me ..) It's quite depressing really !

How was Mrs K tonight? Hope all is well on that front

fc123

debtfreewannabe321 wrote: »

FB is the d3vil in disguise i'm sure. I've friends on there posting pics of their holidays, their new cars, their new houses they've had built/extended, gardens they've had re-modelled and most aren't in huge amounts of debt I don't think, they all just happened to get really well paid jobs. I notice it's always them on fb though showing off, people that haven't done so well often keep quiet and are rarely on there (like me ..) It's quite depressing really !

How was Mrs K tonight? Hope all is well on that front

It's all symptomatic of the The Consumer Society that we live in.


We have to consume continuously for us all to survive.....

I confess here that I de-friended someone (who would have noticed as she is a narcissist and would note that her count had gone from 303 to 302) and I found it all too painful as she continuously was posting her 'Perfect Life'.
However, I have known her for 17 years and know how 'imperfect' it really is in terms of her inter-family relationships and marriage etc.
I also know that the 'Flashing the Cash' pics in her posts (showing off new expensive things/ teeth whitening/ yet another foreign city break / holiday) are based on a financial fragility that I would feel uncomfortable with....but she does it to impress all her new acquaintances (all 302 of them)

I am sooo glad FB didn't exist when I was teen to 40 as it would have fed my own insecurities.:)

cottage_retreatist

Hi Alex!

I just wanted to chime in with FB and say - turn that 'envy' if you can call that into motivation to knock those debts down even quicker!

That's what I've done - it happened when my friend showed me and the OH the house he wanted to buy which was my dream house. It broke me apart for a few hours and then I thought 'well then just got to get on with it so I can buy that house' etc. Just an idea?

The start of the debt-free journey can be the worst - adjusting to 'cheaper' living, confessing all the debts, looking at the numbers etc - so I've got my fingers crossed you can work through your problems and come out fighting.

Hugs
C-R x

Kantankrus_Mare

Agree totally on the facebook thing. Think a lot of people just are not aware of the damage it can do. It just doesnt give you a rounded view of someones life and can really feed peoples feelings of self doubt.

theoretica

AlexLK wrote: »

you see people from school posting up photos of their shiny new home that they've built themselves when you live in a modest house or of that £70,000 Porsche when you know you are quite lucky to have your £4,000 Land Rover. All of it just makes me want to flip yet again, buy something I can't afford just to say "yes, I'm no worse than you".

Do you really look at other people driving an old Ford and think they are worse than the person in the shiny new Jaguar? (And I don't mean just going 'ooh shiny' to the Jag!)

One of my favourite authors has the line 'All true wealth is biological.' Mull on this for a while and I hope you will feel it is true.

Kantankrus_Mare

EchoDelta wrote: »

Hi Alex,

Just discovered your diary and want to wish you well.

With regards to Facebook someone once told me that comparing my life to what others put on Facebook is comparing my everyday life to someone else's edited highlights. No one puts the mundane crap on Facebook! There may be lovely houses and expensive cars but what you don't see may be debt or ill health or job insecurity or loneliness or infertility or.......... etc.

Take care

Have to disagree with the "no one puts mundane crap on Facebook"
There is a humongous amount of drivel on there which is another reason to avoid it like the plague.