Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

wegle

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you everyone.

Been up for a while preparing things for later (yes, I would make somebody a good housewife ), sun is out, still a bit off but much better than previous days.

Really hoping I can make a second go at this now, another effort needs to be made with awkward creditor and on my wife's orders I have to visit the doctor tomorrow, even more embarrassingly she wishes to come with me.

Good to see you feelling a bit better today.

Mrs K coming with you may be a good thing. She will be able to contribute and may have noticed behaviours that you haven't or are unable to see in yourself. It will also show the doctor that your state of mind is not only having an effect on yourself but also those around you. Don't be embarrassed by her wanting to come, her motivation will be from wanting to support you and help you. If she didn't care then she wouldn't be here. xx

LannieDuck

What Mrs K is asking is: which is more important - your material possessions, or her and Little K? I hope the answer's obvious.

You own enough valuable possessions that you could be rid of the entire debt this month if you chose to. So it's in no way a 'mammoth undertaking'.

Most people on these boards don't have pens, cufflinks, chairs, a baby grand piano etc to sell if they have to. They have no choice but to do it the hard way. You don't have to do that... unless you choose to. I really don't think you can complain that your situation is impossible.

LannieDuck

I think you have a shopping addiction. I've just done a little google, and a couple of articles popped up which seem to describe you relatively well (although some are American sites):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oniomania
http://www.today.com/id/21106787/ns/today-money/t/how-escape-shopping-addiction/
http://www.theguardian.com/sustainable-business/how-to-cure-shopping-addiction
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-505125_162-57541300/5-ways-to-beat-your-shopping-addiction/

7roland8

Alex - if you CAN sort your situation out by working and selling things and cutting back on spending - then DO IT.

If after doing that you cannot cope - tell your parents - they will be disappointed - but any parent worth their salt would rather know and be able to help out - than have you worrying yourself ill again.

I know I would be mad - but madder still if they felt they couldn't confide in me.

FlubM

Alex, please do not bank on inheriting ANYTHING from your parents, however much they love you. As people age, they can do very strange things which they would never have dreamed of doing when younger. Ability to manage finances can decline suddenly and rapidly and, however well finances have been managed previously, huge sums can be lost through bad judgement. Very elderly people can also change their wills and leave their money to some very unlikely people/places. If your parents see you as someone who is irrsponsible with money (although, personally, I would expect any young person to exactly what you did with a substantial sum), they could even bypass you and leave money in trust for your son instead. And, of course, care fees can be horrendous: you clearly love your parents and, if you ever have to decide on care for them, you will want the very best.

Much, much better to be able to stand on your own two feet financially: if you inherit anything at all, it will be a nice bonus but it would be very foolhardy to bank on it.

heartbreak_star

It's not a case of you not being ready for the situation, Alex.

You've got to be ready.

Essentially what you're doing now is showing Mrs K. that you love things more than her or your son. We know this is not true...you've just got to convince her of that now.

Much luck to you, you can do it!

HBS x

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

Just a quick log in to sat you can do all of this Alex......as the alternative is not fun and will make you even more depressed (with good reason).

Mrs K is really trying too (from what I read) and I wouldn't tell the parents about the CC debt. It's not their problem so why worry them?
Congrats on the F+F fund.:)

Thank you and I also agree the alternative isn't fun and will no doubt lead to my mental health becoming much worse.

Yes, Mrs. K. is trying , sorry about the other day, I was rather angry regarding my wife's working arrangements and how she often walks out for the evening on my son and I. Not that I can say that to her. However, none of us are perfect.

I have scheduled a watch to start this evening which should raise an extra £4-5,000 towards the F&F. Fortunately, my desire is in part back to pay off the debts and start afresh.

wegle wrote: »

Good to see you feelling a bit better today.

Mrs K coming with you may be a good thing. She will be able to contribute and may have noticed behaviours that you haven't or are unable to see in yourself. It will also show the doctor that your state of mind is not only having an effect on yourself but also those around you. Don't be embarrassed by her wanting to come, her motivation will be from wanting to support you and help you. If she didn't care then she wouldn't be here. xx

I hadn't looked at it like that. I am beginning to wonder whether the doctors must think I am wasting their time as looking back at my appointment the other day, I was as defensive and sarcastic as he was patronising and arrogant. :mad::o:(

LannieDuck wrote: »

What Mrs K is asking is: which is more important - your material possessions, or her and Little K? I hope the answer's obvious.

You own enough valuable possessions that you could be rid of the entire debt this month if you chose to. So it's in no way a 'mammoth undertaking'.

Most people on these boards don't have pens, cufflinks, chairs, a baby grand piano etc to sell if they have to. They have no choice but to do it the hard way. You don't have to do that... unless you choose to. I really don't think you can complain that your situation is impossible.

Yes, the answer is obvious. However, there are times I can hardly help myself. I like to own nice things, always have done. Some of the shopping addiction stuff rings true but I am not the kind of person to get a "buzz" out of buying anything? In fact there are times I hate shopping; can't stand those massive centres and I'd never go in a supermarket again if I had the choice.

Admitted if push came shove I do have a lot of things worth quite a bit of money. However, I wouldn't say that is particularly unusual.

wegle

AlexLK wrote: »

Admitted if push came shove I do have a lot of things worth quite a bit of money. However, I wouldn't say that is particularly unusual.

Just a note on this. I would say for the majority on this board (and probably in society as a whole) it is particularly unusual. The sum total of mine and my husbands assets comes below £1500. If I was in absolute dire straights I would have to sell everything, including our most valuable possesions; our wedding rings. Which would be more important; that we keep our lovely rings or that we can spend the rest of our lives together. It's a no brainer really.

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

Admitted if push came shove I do have a lot of things worth quite a bit of money. However, I wouldn't say that is particularly unusual.

It is on this board. You're a special case, Alex :rotfl:

(I mean that in a nice way )

AlexLK

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - if you CAN sort your situation out by working and selling things and cutting back on spending - then DO IT.

If after doing that you cannot cope - tell your parents - they will be disappointed - but any parent worth their salt would rather know and be able to help out - than have you worrying yourself ill again.

I know I would be mad - but madder still if they felt they couldn't confide in me.

Thank you for such an encouraging post. My main problem is finding myself getting far too attached to things (which is a recent thing) and buying things I simply cannot justify as a need.

Just, I have been looking in the spare room which is full of 2 triple wardrobes, 2 seven draw chests and a double wardrobe, all full of things (some Mrs. K.'s). My house is so full of "things" I could start an antiques and vintage business.

I have also realised I regrettably push my wife into buying things because in the past I couldn't deal with my wife buying "cheap" things. OK, she's into her holidays but the house is jam packed full of things I have chosen without so much as consulting her. Admittedly, (and also her admission) I do have a much better taste in just about everything.;)

So far as my parents go, they would also be mad that I felt I couldn't confide in them. Recently, they have changed quite a lot and become more family orientated.

FlubM wrote: »

Alex, please do not bank on inheriting ANYTHING from your parents, however much they love you. As people age, they can do very strange things which they would never have dreamed of doing when younger. Ability to manage finances can decline suddenly and rapidly and, however well finances have been managed previously, huge sums can be lost through bad judgement. Very elderly people can also change their wills and leave their money to some very unlikely people/places. If your parents see you as someone who is irrsponsible with money (although, personally, I would expect any young person to exactly what you did with a substantial sum), they could even bypass you and leave money in trust for your son instead. And, of course, care fees can be horrendous: you clearly love your parents and, if you ever have to decide on care for them, you will want the very best.

Much, much better to be able to stand on your own two feet financially: if you inherit anything at all, it will be a nice bonus but it would be very foolhardy to bank on it.

The last thing I want people to think is I'm chasing after my parents money because I am not. I keep telling my father he must live for another twenty years at least. However, being truthful I know his health is beginning to decline.

Of course I want the best for them .

heartbreak_star wrote: »

It's not a case of you not being ready for the situation, Alex.

You've got to be ready.

Essentially what you're doing now is showing Mrs K. that you love things more than her or your son. We know this is not true...you've just got to convince her of that now.

Much luck to you, you can do it!

HBS x

Yes, I said yesterday evening that this is no longer the dress rehearsal. However, the more nervous I get, the more stupid things I wind up doing.

On the positive side I'm actually looking forward to her coming home today.