Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

This can work to your advantage sometimes I found. When I was left i/c as a Deputy I dealt with most things. But when I wanted to play for time (or perhaps hoped they'd go elsewhere and not come back) I'd tell the person concerned that I couldn't take the decision until my boss returned.

I've had this in my business. When I had a business partner, I'd often say I'd have to speak to him before giving an answer, even if I didn't.

Somehow it seems a lot different when someone is asking to speak to your mother rather than a random person in a position of authority. Looking back, it probably shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did.

maman wrote: »

I got my M&S Valentine meal today. I thought good value for £20 but will need a couple of extra sides. I chose cava which I'll drink myself one evening. We'll have proper bubbles on Saturday.

I've just had a look on their website, there's some good ideas and it does seem good value. We don't have a local store so I'll make something myself. Wish me luck for the pudding as I'm sure my son will want to help!

No champagne for us, just a nice hearty red from the local wine merchants, I think.

AlexLK

Thursday 12th February, 2015.

Dear Diary,

Today has been a no spend day and with Mrs. K. being reimbursed for her spends whilst away that makes two of us not spending. Whilst there's nothing on the savings front to report, we are managing to live quite frugally for the moment and Mrs. K. has promised to pay an extra amount off her credit card when she gets back tomorrow.

Apart from that good news I've not had a very good day but cannot pinpoint exactly what is sending me off track. Work is good, there's been no complaints from tenants and my son has both been well behaved as well as showing some very promising progress in his reading and music. However, still I cannot manage to just be happy with "my lot".

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

littlegreenparrot

AlexLK wrote: »

Apart from that good news I've not had a very good day but cannot pinpoint exactly what is sending me off track. Work is good, there's been no complaints from tenants and my son has both been well behaved as well as showing some very promising progress in his reading and music. However, still I cannot manage to just be happy with "my lot".

I'm wondering if you have a particular vision along the lines of 'I'll be happy if/when....' rather than being able to appreciate the here and now.
For example, I am well aware that it is not ideal to be a professional in her thirties, who is still working 2 jobs and renting a house. I did not imagine life would be this way, and I've had to come to terms with a different version of life to what I imagined in my teens. Its not really better or worse, just different. But I am very aware of how I want to improve my lot, and the poor decisions I made along the way. (Although its important to remember that all of those seemed like a good idea at the time)

I've recently completed a counselling course, one of the things I learned was that it is possible to grieve for the loss of hopes and dreams, and once we have been through this process its easier to move on. It made me think about how I'm coming out the other end of a tough couple of years, and maybe that's what I was doing.

Most of the time I'm not actively happy, but reasonably contented. I have great days, rubbish days, and mainly run of the mill ones. I'd hazard a guess that reflects the experience of most people.
I'm aware you've been very honest about your difficulties, but everyone else is isn't always chirpy either.
These are just ideas that it might be interesting to think about.

Hope you have a good day today.

AlexLK

littlegreenparrot wrote: »

I'm wondering if you have a particular vision along the lines of 'I'll be happy if/when....' rather than being able to appreciate the here and now.
For example, I am well aware that it is not ideal to be a professional in her thirties, who is still working 2 jobs and renting a house. I did not imagine life would be this way, and I've had to come to terms with a different version of life to what I imagined in my teens. Its not really better or worse, just different. But I am very aware of how I want to improve my lot, and the poor decisions I made along the way. (Although its important to remember that all of those seemed like a good idea at the time)

I've recently completed a counselling course, one of the things I learned was that it is possible to grieve for the loss of hopes and dreams, and once we have been through this process its easier to move on. It made me think about how I'm coming out the other end of a tough couple of years, and maybe that's what I was doing.

Most of the time I'm not actively happy, but reasonably contented. I have great days, rubbish days, and mainly run of the mill ones. I'd hazard a guess that reflects the experience of most people.
I'm aware you've been very honest about your difficulties, but everyone else is isn't always chirpy either.
These are just ideas that it might be interesting to think about.

Hope you have a good day today.

Thank you for this post, littlegreenparrot. You are right in that things have not turned out the way I'd wanted and I cannot see how I could possibly be content to be in the position I currently find myself. Unlike you I cannot see my position as "just different".

Achieving my "particular vision" would require starting again from about the age of 18, so it is clearly not possible to change all the mistakes I've made. At times I'm quite guilty about this because it is unlikely I would have met my wife or have my son if I could go back in time and make all the "right" decisions. One of the reasons I want my son to attend my old schools, aside from them being academically good is due to the fact I'd at least like him to have a childhood to look back fondly upon.

Unfortunately, I think unhappiness has almost become habitual now as I seem to find the negative in everything. Today I've been told my course results are "excellent" and "very promising", though to me I think I should've done better. This is pretty much the story of my life, in my own mind anything less than the absolute best is not good enough.

patanne

Do you look back fondly on your childhood or do you also see failures there? I will go back to something I said (typed) on here quite some time ago about self fulfilling prophesies. If you keep looking for failure you WILL find it, in whatever guise it is at the time. I was told many times as a child how useless I was and that is what I became - regardless of the fact that my IQ is over 150 - I became useless.

So please hear what I say - you are not useless & cannot become so without your permission - so do not give it. I was in my mid 50s before I had a clue what had been done to me, such is brainwashing, don't let this happen to you.

So repeat after me - I am a good person, I am a good husband and father and a very good son.

The prescription is to repeat that several times a day until it finally sinks in.

There is only you that does not believe it. Your son adores you as does your wife (she just wishes you would believe it so she doesn't feel she has to KEEP on proving it). Your parents are trusting you with some of their management issues. HOW MUCH MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED.

AlexLK

patanne wrote: »

Do you look back fondly on your childhood or do you also see failures there? I will go back to something I said (typed) on here quite some time ago about self fulfilling prophesies. If you keep looking for failure you WILL find it, in whatever guise it is at the time. I was told many times as a child how useless I was and that is what I became - regardless of the fact that my IQ is over 150 - I became useless.

So please hear what I say - you are not useless & cannot become so without your permission - so do not give it. I was in my mid 50s before I had a clue what had been done to me, such is brainwashing, don't let this happen to you.

So repeat after me - I am a good person, I am a good husband and father and a very good son.

The prescription is to repeat that several times a day until it finally sinks in.

There is only you that does not believe it. Your son adores you as does your wife (she just wishes you would believe it so she doesn't feel she has to KEEP on proving it). Your parents are trusting you with some of their management issues. HOW MUCH MORE PROOF DO YOU NEED.

Thank you, patanne.

I see failures throughout my entire life though nothing really went wrong before reaching adulthood, possibly because every decision was made for me. The first time I really wanted something I ended up failing despite excellent preparation. I let myself, my parents and my school down and whilst there would have been an opportunity to try again I didn't because the process resulted in what I now know were panic attacks. Proving myself so weak at an early age was hardly a good start.

Unfortunately, I cannot repeat such a statement as I do not believe it.

AlexLK

Friday 13th February, 2015.

Dear Diary,

I spent some time writing an entry for this but left the computer and found it would not post when I came back. Anyhow, whilst there's been no change on the financial front, apart from me spending on a bottle of wine, my son and I have been busy baking two cakes. The first one is a rather sickly chocolate cake but he really enjoyed making it (and eating a slice of it!). The second one is for tomorrow, a white chocolate and berry tart. Both recipes were from foodnetwork and simple enough.

Following the food theme, we also had the slowcooker out and made a stew which we ate for dinner tonight, it seems that experimenting with that has paid dividends as it was rather nice. Just don't mention the tidying up from today's adventures in the kitchen...

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

stepuptothepl8

:T Definitely a good daddy

You are doing a great job. Subscribed. Have caught up on your diary, and I think you have done an amazing job. Give yourself credit for what you've accomplished.

AlexLK

Not sure allowing him to eat so much cake was good, it's surprising how much he can eat at times but thank you, stepuptothepl8.

patanne

He is definitely young enough to eat enough cake to be sick. You are not!! I've just looked at the savings in your signature. NICE ONE!

Your school should be damn glad they had you as should your uni. They turned out a good person - no establishment could ask more than that. (The fact that not all of THEM were good is a side issue for another day).