Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

heartbreak_star

...the house with your wife and child IS your home, Alex!! When I go to my mum's, I always depart "to go home". I understand every bit of your reasonings - and agree with one, see below for explanation - but try and stand in Mrs K's shoes for a bit. She probably feels like you'll choose your parents over her every time...and be ganged up on regarding decisions (3 to 1 vote?)...and if it were me I couldn't deal with that as it would crush my spirit.

I ABSOLUTELY agree with having a responsibility to one's parents. Dad is sadly departed, but Mum's cracking on a bit and had breast cancer last year. I drove her to appointments, changed dressings, brought shopping, walked dogs. When Dad was ill I never touched a drop of alcohol for fear I'd have to rush to the hospital.

What I didn't do was forget my other responsibilities or lose sight of my own life. Luckily I don't have children, but I do have work, partner and dog

I think I have suitably said my piece. I suspect I've also never been one of these people that believes in having several generations under one roof - I had to shift back to Mum's briefly a few years ago and we nearly fell out badly. She raised me to be incredibly independent and I reverted to being a teen when I was back in my childhood home.

HBS x

cte1111

AlexLK wrote: »

As for her opinion about schooling, I'm fairly sure you wouldn't be making that comment to a woman that did not wish to consider the views of her child's father.

I wonder why you would think that? As long as both parents are involved in their child's life, then I think they should be involved in all major decisions related to the child. If they are no longer together, then it is difficult and it is usually the parent with care whose views would predominate, however that doesn't mean that either gender are automatically superior or inferior in terms of parenting and school choices.

I'm not necessarily against private schooling, if you can afford it, particularly for very able children if they aren't getting the stimulation that they need. I don't understand why anyone would value it as highly as you seem to though, evidently above the health of your marriage and finances.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

Why mention that "call me Dave" sends his children to state schools when you think I'm right about his reasons for doing so?


Just a 'tongue firmly in cheek' comment as there are state schools and there are state schools. Dave is fortunate in that he can choose one of the superior ones.

Whilst there is a very good state senior school locally with a rich history, that still does not change the fact that he would have to start aged 11 nor the issues surrounding a pupil's education there being at the (often nonsensical) whims of the government's latest "initiative". Good for "call me Dave" if he seriously does trust his children's education being left in the hands of whichever minister with no prior knowledge of the education sector, ready to zealously impose whatever idealistic nonsense is at the forefront of his or her mind.


I couldn't agree more in principle but as Dave has chosen the Education secretary then one would hope he trusts them. At least he trusted Gove until he became so politically toxic that he was forced to give him the elbow even though he's a personal friend, I believe. The trouble is that you and I may differ on what is idealistic nonsense. Gove forced a return to 'hard' GCSEs and wiped out coursework. I happen to believe that only valuing 'academic' subjects cancels out a whole skill set and a whole section of the community. Similarly coursework is more akin to the 21st century and real life workplace projects than a final exam model based on the 1950s.

Not sure how the paying your way comments are relevant when I do pay my way and am now out of debt?


I was simply echoing MrsK's phrase and meant paying your way going forward specifically in terms of your son's education if that's the choice

Lots to be positive about the business at the moment and I'll post a link if I move the diary.

Felt the need to respond as I don't want any falling out and enjoy the discourse. I think you're a fascinating and interesting person even if we don't always agree.:)

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

...the house with your wife and child IS your home, Alex!! When I go to my mum's, I always depart "to go home". I understand every bit of your reasonings - and agree with one, see below for explanation - but try and stand in Mrs K's shoes for a bit. She probably feels like you'll choose your parents over her every time...and be ganged up on regarding decisions (3 to 1 vote?)...and if it were me I couldn't deal with that as it would crush my spirit.

I ABSOLUTELY agree with having a responsibility to one's parents. Dad is sadly departed, but Mum's cracking on a bit and had breast cancer last year. I drove her to appointments, changed dressings, brought shopping, walked dogs. When Dad was ill I never touched a drop of alcohol for fear I'd have to rush to the hospital.

What I didn't do was forget my other responsibilities or lose sight of my own life. Luckily I don't have children, but I do have work, partner and dog

I think I have suitably said my piece. I suspect I've also never been one of these people that believes in having several generations under one roof - I had to shift back to Mum's briefly a few years ago and we nearly fell out badly. She raised me to be incredibly independent and I reverted to being a teen when I was back in my childhood home.

HBS x

Thank you, HBS.

This post has made me consider my reasons for not calling the house I live in "home" and the potential implications of living under my parents roof. Being entirely honest it seems to me that no house could match up; I often feel ashamed that I can only afford my current property and that's only with a big mortgage from when I had better paying work. My wife doesn't understand this as our house is worth more and has more space than her parents' house, therefore she feels she's done well for herself.

Since I've lived here my mental health has greatly deteriorated and whilst I know that's nothing to do with the house, I sometimes wonder what live would have been like had I chosen somewhere else to live / done a different degree at a different university / been a better person etc. etc.

cte1111 wrote: »

I wonder why you would think that? As long as both parents are involved in their child's life, then I think they should be involved in all major decisions related to the child. If they are no longer together, then it is difficult and it is usually the parent with care whose views would predominate, however that doesn't mean that either gender are automatically superior or inferior in terms of parenting and school choices.

I'm not necessarily against private schooling, if you can afford it, particularly for very able children if they aren't getting the stimulation that they need. I don't understand why anyone would value it as highly as you seem to though, evidently above the health of your marriage and finances.

Sorry for my assumption which proved to be incorrect. As for why I think that, it seems the views of the mother is almost always placed as being the most important.

I do not regard private schooling above the health of my marriage or finances. Although, there is a part of me bitter about the fact I'm not good enough to provide my son with things my parents provided me with.

maman wrote: »

Felt the need to respond as I don't want any falling out and enjoy the discourse. I think you're a fascinating and interesting person even if we don't always agree.:)

Thank you for the clarifications. I happen to agree that regurgitating information for an exam does not give pupils real knowledge.

As for "fascinating" and "interesting", I'm fairly certain that is most certainly not a compliment.

heartbreak_star

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you, HBS.

This post has made me consider my reasons for not calling the house I live in "home" and the potential implications of living under my parents roof. Being entirely honest it seems to me that no house could match up; I often feel ashamed that I can only afford my current property and that's only with a big mortgage from when I had better paying work. My wife doesn't understand this as our house is worth more and has more space than her parents' house, therefore she feels she's done well for herself.

Since I've lived here my mental health has greatly deteriorated and whilst I know that's nothing to do with the house, I sometimes wonder what live would have been like had I chosen somewhere else to live / done a different degree at a different university / been a better person etc. etc.

Aw sweets, have a hug. I'm glad you understood what I was trying to convey. Please try and remember we cannot change the past, we can only look to the future...and I still reckon you could be King of the World and you wouldn't feel like you were "good enough".

You definitely need to get more help with your mental health. Did you go back to the docs?

Sorry for my assumption which proved to be incorrect. As for why I think that, it seems the views of the mother is almost always placed as being the most important.

I do not regard private schooling above the health of my marriage or finances. Although, there is a part of me bitter about the fact I'm not good enough to provide my son with things my parents provided me with.

"Not good enough"? You provide your son with food, warmth, shelter and an abundance of love and time. That's all any child needs.

Thank you for the clarifications. I happen to agree that regurgitating information for an exam does not give pupils real knowledge.

Agreed - my schools concentrated on coursework quite a bit and we were generally allowed (within reason) to choose our own texts and projects.

As for "fascinating" and "interesting", I'm fairly certain that is most certainly not a compliment.

It totally is! Would you rather we said you were dull and boring? :P

Comments in my traditional purple

HBS x

cazmanian_minx

I think most people of our generation won't get to live in as nice a house as their parents, Alex My dad bought the house I grew up in for £7,000 in 1973 when he was a couple of years younger than I am now, it's currently worth approximately £850,000 and there's no way Mr Minx and I would be able to afford a house in that road now.

AlexLK

HBS and Cazmanian, thank you.

Not really sure what to say in response as you are right. I haven't been to my doctor as I've been coping OK. I'm concerned my only options left are to begin trying medication again or CBT which I am wary would make me change my thought processes to become apathetic to things that are important to me.

I do try my absolute best to be a good parent, though there's always going to be something I could be better at.

Whilst my parents haven't said anything derogatory in recent times about my house or finances, I do wonder just how ashamed they are, despite their recent protests to the contrary.

AlexLK

Thursday 5th February, 2015.

Dear Diary,

Another great day for business and productivity. Not sure who told me to stop running it as a hobby on here but thank you very much, being "serious" about the business seems to be the key.

The work for my course that I was forced to hand in didn't turn out to be so bad. One part was assessed as being a solid distinction and the other only just missed a distinction mark, rather disappointed with that one.

In other news, I am keeping the records up to date and should have quite a large amount to add to my savings challenge this weekend all being well.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

heartbreak_star

CBT will not do that at all, promise

HBS x

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

Not really sure what to say in response as you are right. I haven't been to my doctor as I've been coping OK. I'm concerned my only options left are to begin trying medication again or CBT which I am wary would make me change my thought processes to become apathetic to things that are important to me.

What do you think CBT is - the counselling equivalent of a frontal lobotomy :rotfl:. It won't do that - just seek to isolate the negative cycles of thought and 'train' your brain to see those things differently. Such as you not believing what your parents say (you seem to have no trouble with this when they say negative things ).

AlexLK wrote: »

Another great day for business and productivity. Not sure who told me to stop running it as a hobby on here but thank you very much, being "serious" about the business seems to be the key.

Well, who'd that thought it .

And well done on your course work :T.