Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

elsien

On a personal level, I can't think of anything worse than living with my parent. However much they say "its your home, we won't interfere", the loss of autonomy is too much for me. I've had to move back a couple of times for various reasons, and I was always very conscious that although they meant it when they said to carry on as if it were my home, the bottom line is that it really isn't. And that's always at the back of your mind and affecting how you live in minor but cumulative ways.
This may be partly affected by me going to boarding school at 11 and only going home for the 3 holidays so independence came very early. But still a bit easier for me because it's my family. The thought of having to circumvent all those unwritten rules in an in laws house would certainly fill me with dread, even if they were the nicest most welcoming people in the world.

cte1111

AlexLK wrote: »

I see my immediate family as my wife, son and parents. As for the financial commitment, it wouldn't be an issue because my parents would be paying for his education in return for a greater involvement in their business interests from me. That's not exactly living from the Bank of Mum and Dad.

As for my wife's arguments, yes you are very right. She seems to also think I should want to stay here with a large mortgage to "pay our own way" when it would make greater financial sense for us to live with my parents and would actually help them out somewhat too. Eventually, I know I'm going to have to make the choice between them.

Am I the only one that is :eek: at this comment? You made the choice to be with your wife for better or worse, not just until your parents made you an offer you couldn't refuse, e.g. they pay for the unnecessary private education so you move in to be at their beck and call.

I'd also be absolutely horrified if my husband were to say that my opinion of our child's possible schooling options are irrelevant, as you said a couple of posts ago. How can his mother's opinion be irrelevant?

gallygirl

cte1111 wrote: »

Am I the only one that is :eek: at this comment? You made the choice to be with your wife for better or worse, not just until your parents made you an offer you couldn't refuse, e.g. they pay for the unnecessary private education so you move in to be at their beck and call.

I'd also be absolutely horrified if my husband were to say that my opinion of our child's possible schooling options are irrelevant, as you said a couple of posts ago. How can his mother's opinion be irrelevant?

Seconded on both points!

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

As for "call me Dave", I very much doubt his children would attend schools if he weren't PM. Should he resign after the election, I would be surprised if he kept his children in state education.

I think you're absolutely right but sending his daughter here

http://www.gch.org.uk/


is hardly a problem. I'm sure even you would approve if you had a daughter. Now whether his (younger) son is down for Eton for the future remains to be seen.


There seems to be a lot of agreement with MrsK on here at the moment which is a turn up! I think most people can empathise with the peace of mind and self respect that comes from 'paying your way'.


Great that you're feeling more positive about the business.


P.S. If you do decide to move your diary, don't do it before you find out how to send us a link!

AlexLK

mum2one wrote: »

Just a thought why not change the title of the diary to reflect the new debt free life, and bounce the mortgage wanbee from here.

Glad things have sorted out, and everything going ok.

xx

Thanks mum2one.

I'm actually not sure my savings / money making diary belongs anywhere as it's more about long term business / property investment.

gallygirl wrote: »

Em, I can point you towards some who have 'lapses' .

Stay here if you're happy - you're still on a journey to a debt free life . There are plenty people on the MFW board [STRIKE]that we can't get rid off[/STRIKE] who have paid off their mortgages but don't want to move their diary elsewhere (there are some seriously competent boards out there you know :eek:). No-one is going to kick you off here.

:rotfl: Some that buy lots of houses and decide to move abroad, perchance?

I suppose I am still on a journey to a debt free life though wonder if some of the advice given on mortgage free would be more relevant now? I do plan to pay the mortgage off whilst improving the house though I very much doubt I'll be here forever. The alternative is putting something in savings / investments which is even more relevant but it appears to be a very quiet board.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Please take this in the nicest possible manner, I'm looking at this objectively - as a situation - and have no wish to insult your parents

You married, therefore your responsibility is now to Mrs K and Little K. You need to cut the apron strings and I think part of Mrs K's exasperation with you sometimes is your inability to do this completely. If you include your parents in your "immediate family", you have to include hers too.

Whilst I am married I also have a responsibility to my parents. My situation is very different to my wife's as her parents are much younger, have other children and a large circle of extended family and friends. Considering I spent a number of years during my twenties estranged from my parents I would hardly say there are any apron strings that need cutting.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

On that note, please don't move in with your parents. I've tried to stand in her shoes a bit on this, and feel that your parents would probably belittle and insult her without even realising they're doing it...and then you end up arguing, divorced and your parents have "won".

Think about how you'd feel if you were asked to move in with your in-laws (also, "shabby semi"? You massive snob!!). You've already said they're not keen on her, and you've just got your marriage back on track so why purposefully derail it again?

I rarely agree with Mrs K, but I am now. This is ringing massive alarm bells.

There would be a considerable difference between moving to my parents' house and moving in with my in laws. My parents don't dislike my wife anywhere near as much as her parents dislike me and they certainly have no desire to see me divorced.

heartbreak_star wrote: »

On the positive side, am SO glad to hear the business is getting more organised and back on track Good record-keeping is an absolute must, running the cheer squad made me realise that.

HBS x

Thank you. I am starting to see how it can make life easier, though at the moment I'm having to update everything as soon as something changes because I don't want to forget.

elsien wrote: »

On a personal level, I can't think of anything worse than living with my parent. However much they say "its your home, we won't interfere", the loss of autonomy is too much for me. I've had to move back a couple of times for various reasons, and I was always very conscious that although they meant it when they said to carry on as if it were my home, the bottom line is that it really isn't. And that's always at the back of your mind and affecting how you live in minor but cumulative ways.
This may be partly affected by me going to boarding school at 11 and only going home for the 3 holidays so independence came very early. But still a bit easier for me because it's my family. The thought of having to circumvent all those unwritten rules in an in laws house would certainly fill me with dread, even if they were the nicest most welcoming people in the world.

I still consider my childhood home as my home, not the house I live in now though I do understand where you are coming from and I'm not under any illusions that until I inherit they will have the final say over what happens under their roof. I suppose a big plus to moving would be living in a house that I could not personally afford to buy.

cte1111 wrote: »

Am I the only one that is :eek: at this comment? You made the choice to be with your wife for better or worse, not just until your parents made you an offer you couldn't refuse, e.g. they pay for the unnecessary private education so you move in to be at their beck and call.

I'd also be absolutely horrified if my husband were to say that my opinion of our child's possible schooling options are irrelevant, as you said a couple of posts ago. How can his mother's opinion be irrelevant?

That is absolutely not how that comment was meant. My wife is completely against moving in with my parents and even has a problem with my eventual inheritance.

As for her opinion about schooling, I'm fairly sure you wouldn't be making that comment to a woman that did not wish to consider the views of her child's father.

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

I think you're absolutely right but sending his daughter here

http://www.gch.org.uk/


is hardly a problem. I'm sure even you would approve if you had a daughter. Now whether his (younger) son is down for Eton for the future remains to be seen.


There seems to be a lot of agreement with MrsK on here at the moment which is a turn up! I think most people can empathise with the peace of mind and self respect that comes from 'paying your way'.


Great that you're feeling more positive about the business.


P.S. If you do decide to move your diary, don't do it before you find out how to send us a link!

Why mention that "call me Dave" sends his children to state schools when you think I'm right about his reasons for doing so?

Whilst there is a very good state senior school locally with a rich history, that still does not change the fact that he would have to start aged 11 nor the issues surrounding a pupil's education there being at the (often nonsensical) whims of the government's latest "initiative". Good for "call me Dave" if he seriously does trust his children's education being left in the hands of whichever minister with no prior knowledge of the education sector, ready to zealously impose whatever idealistic nonsense is at the forefront of his or her mind.

Not sure how the paying your way comments are relevant when I do pay my way and am now out of debt?

Lots to be positive about the business at the moment and I'll post a link if I move the diary.

AlexLK

Tuesday 3rd February, 2015.

Dear Diary,

I shall entitle this one 'a post more positive'.

Nothing more true is the case than, as a self employed individual, the statement of effort put in being proportional to the rewards received. In running my business as a serious organisation, I have found it seems to be paying off to the point of believing my father's comment that at my age I've still enough time to make a million, lose it and make it again. Except my biggest issue being the bad months which hold me back from doing so.

Though I am currently doing well, I am not spending any more money than usual, instead choosing to save the additional money made with the view to reinvesting it. For this I cannot thank the advice I have received on here enough as it really helped me to change my outlook and more importantly, my spending habits.

Yours Faithfully,
Alex.

gallygirl

AlexLK wrote: »

:rotfl: Some that buy lots of houses and decide to move abroad, perchance?

Excuse me - I only accidentally bought one house - someone on there bought a house on two consecutive days . (I may have shown her one of them :whistle:)

On the basis you're going to be in your house for the next few years - are there any repairs that would make life more comfortable? In which case do them now

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

Excuse me - I only accidentally bought one house - someone on there bought a house on two consecutive days . (I may have shown her one of them :whistle:)

On the basis you're going to be in your house for the next few years - are there any repairs that would make life more comfortable? In which case do them now

:rotfl: Looks like I ought to stay away from rightmove if the record on this site is anything to go by.

I've got lots to do this year to the house. Last year I started replacing the windows which is a very time consuming job but I'd like to see it finished this year. I'd also like to refinish the kitchen and possibly get rid of the (horrible) bathroom suite we've been meaning to replace since we moved in.