Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

VJsmum

AlexLK wrote: »

things are getting closer now (Mrs. K.'s car, her holiday, even our son starting real school).

But you don't have to have those things - not one of those is an essential that you have to pay for. Food, warm clothing, a roof - that's all that is essential.

Mrs K doesn't need a new car, she might like a holiday but could go without, LittleK doesn't have to go to a paid for school - certainly not at this age (if any, but that's another argument). YOU CAN'T AFFORD THEM.

If you just sold a few things and paid off the bloody debt then you wouldn't be in such despair. I don't understand how you can't see this. Sorry, I know this thread is for support and I really do support you - I have been following from the beginning and I don't follow any other diary so I really do care, but I don't get it.

bess1234_2

Because Alex is more comfortable with being a failure, rather than the competent good successful person he is . Yup am bored, good luck , catch ya later.

LannieDuck

VJsmum wrote: »

But you don't have to have those things - not one of those is an essential that you have to pay for. Food, warm clothing, a roof - that's all that is essential.

Mrs K doesn't need a new car, she might like a holiday but could go without, LittleK doesn't have to go to a paid for school - certainly not at this age (if any, but that's another argument). YOU CAN'T AFFORD THEM.

If you just sold a few things and paid off the bloody debt then you wouldn't be in such despair. I don't understand how you can't see this. Sorry, I know this thread is for support and I really do support you - I have been following from the beginning and I don't follow any other diary so I really do care, but I don't get it.

I'm glad you said this, VJsmum. I've been following Alex's diary since the start but I've gone quiet lately, partly because of real-life events (emergency c-section/appendectomy followed by a newborn who's taking up a lot of my time!), but partly because I don't know how to be supportive of this situation... and I really don't want to be negative when Alex is obviously having a hard time of it.

This debt seems to be the focus of Alex's depression (even if it's not the underlying cause), and he has the means to get rid of it entirely. I know it would mean selling things he cares about... but when you're in such a negative place, why not take the easy route out??

Alex, I don't say this to be harsh or to add to your troubles. But would it not be worth getting this debt situation resolved, even if it means sacrificing some possessions, so you can focus your mind on the other aspects of your life that are causing you stress?

AlexLK

In response to the questions asking why I am unwilling to sell things that I treasure deeply (most of the stuff I never really cared about has gone)? Well, my wife is now spending money we don't have. Therefore, I do not see the point in me sorting out my money problems out only for her to run up more debt.

Not being the "poor little rich boy" you all seem to think I am, we still have a house which requires a lot of modernisation, from the outside one could be mistaken for thinking it semi-derelict. The smart thing to do would be to move but we couldn't get a house with a similar amount of space and grounds for less than £325,000, god only knows how long this place would take to sell (it'd been on the market for a long time before we bought it) and we wouldn't be able to get a mortgage either. To sell up and rent somewhere similar (if it could be found) would cost us in the region of £300 per month more than the current mortgage and my parents would have to act as guarantors, something I think rather unfair.

It is expected our son will attend a fee paying school and my wife is getting rather tired of the "fell on hard times?" comments by her clients, friends and work colleagues.

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

We could survive on Mrs. K.'s wages, I'm sure as there's plenty of families on here surviving on less but she's got use to the idea of having what she wants, when she wants. So far as her family are concerned it is my job to look after her and not her job to be constantly footing the essential bills. I suppose my wife has realised she could have it better doing things their way.

In all honesty, I need to take a few steps back and get on with the things I started.

We do need to adjust our budget. However, things are getting closer now (Mrs. K.'s car, her holiday, even our son starting real school).

.

Hope you don't mind be dropping by but you know I follow your diary and sometimes I'm just amazed at the mindset that comes across and what you accept as the norm and so I have to post as well as scream at my computer!


As you'll now from previous posts, MrsK's chavvy attitude to conspicuous consumption really irritates me. But how her family expect an educated woman like her to be kept (while spending all her own earnings on retail therapy) amazes me! Is it because they thought she'd married into money so had it made? And the idea that she might even agree and go along with it is dreadful.


Alex, please stop agreeing with them. They're treating you with contempt, just taking and no giving and you deserve better.


The things you describe as 'getting closer' are not essentials but sorting out your debts and so starting to pay your way and regaining your self respect are.


As ever I've got a little confused: am I right in thinking that the current financial arrangements are that MrsK and you jointly pay all household expenses by her matching your income? then everything else is for her to save for her pretentious new car, clothes, holidays with family etc. etc. So when you don't keep within your means where is the money coming from?

theoretica

As you now are down to £13k debt isn't most of that loan and little left on the cards anyway?

AlexLK

maman wrote: »

Hope you don't mind be dropping by but you know I follow your diary and sometimes I'm just amazed at the mindset that comes across and what you accept as the norm and so I have to post as well as scream at my computer!

As you'll now from previous posts, MrsK's chavvy attitude to conspicuous consumption really irritates me. But how her family expect an educated woman like her to be kept (while spending all her own earnings on retail therapy) amazes me! Is it because they thought she'd married into money so had it made? And the idea that she might even agree and go along with it is dreadful.

Alex, please stop agreeing with them. They're treating you with contempt, just taking and no giving and you deserve better.

The things you describe as 'getting closer' are not essentials but sorting out your debts and so starting to pay your way and regaining your self respect are.

As ever I've got a little confused: am I right in thinking that the current financial arrangements are that MrsK and you jointly pay all household expenses by her matching your income? then everything else is for her to save for her pretentious new car, clothes, holidays with family etc. etc. So when you don't keep within your means where is the money coming from?

maman: I do not mind you dropping by at all, nor posting.

In response, my wife and I are not on particularly good terms at the moment. However, her family never liked me, money aside, and they are quite old fashioned.

The current financial arrangements go something like that; I put everything I earn into paying the bills, she tops it up and keeps the rest. I have not bought anything for me since last year now. She has a couple of credit cards she uses when we do not keep within our means, though intends to pay them off once she's got the deposit together for her car.

To be honest, I know this isn't the ideal situation and it isn't what I wanted as I would have liked to kiss goodbye to having to think about paying off debts as soon as this lot had been finished with. I'm not particularly happy she's buying a car on finance but that is how we always did things before, so she sees no reason not to.

theoretica wrote: »

As you now are down to £13k debt isn't most of that loan and little left on the cards anyway?

There's only £3,000ish left on the loan to pay. I also owe my business some money for essential repairs on the house on top of the outstanding debt which is currently being paid by me taking no salary.

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

In response to the questions asking why I am unwilling to sell things that I treasure deeply (most of the stuff I never really cared about has gone)? Well, my wife is now spending money we don't have. Therefore, I do not see the point in me sorting out my money problems out only for her to run up more debt.

But at the moment it seems as if 'your' debts are a stick for MrsK to beat you with. Get rid of them and you're back on equal footing with her.

AlexLK

Lannie: There's a lot more to it than the debts, unfortunately. Mrs. K. is unhappy I chose this house for us (she wants to move away and look for a job elsewhere) and she has had enough of the "austerity drive" (thinks it unnecessary).

LannieDuck

AlexLK wrote: »

Lannie: There's a lot more to it than the debts, unfortunately. Mrs. K. is unhappy I chose this house for us (she wants to move away and look for a job elsewhere) and she has had enough of the "austerity drive" (thinks it unnecessary).

I'm sorry I wish there were some way we could help more than just advice and comments.