Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

That's such a good idea lir, you could do a 2 4 1 (get 2 things from 1 thing) . Do a party, meet some parents and the odd one may note a nice piece and you can say...'well, I could always source you one for £x', here's my card '

Hmmm, now there is an idea.

fc123 wrote: »

OK, time to maybe have a word with Dad about your concerns.
I don't see why you can't be quite blunt about either given the history.

Just say you are concerned at inappropriate comments that might cause some tension (or worse) and could she, please, stay 'zip'. If she finds it hard, put her in charge of the toddler who ate too much cake and is running around like wild thing.

:rotfl: FC, I shall call you "the parent whisperer". Thank you, seems like a good idea.

fc123

....tell them that Vol au vents are too 1980's and absolutely no-one eats puff pastry bought from a shop any more as they all full of hydrogenated fat.
..that includes the Jus Rol packet stuff.;)
Nite

Mara_uk7

Alex, if your parents are as respectful to your guests as they are to your wifes family, You will have no-one wanting to play with little K anymore.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

....tell them that Vol au vents are too 1980's and absolutely no-one eats puff pastry bought from a shop any more as they all full of hydrogenated fat.
..that includes the Jus Rol packet stuff.;)
Nite

I can just see them now: "since when did you get so scientific?" :rotfl:

Mind, Mrs. K. and I aren't exactly "trendy".

Good night.

AlexLK

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

Alex, if your parents are as respectful to your guests as they are to your wifes family, You will have no-one wanting to play with little K anymore.

Considering they wish to meet the nursery friends, I think they would be on their best behaviour.

kissjenn

AlexLK wrote: »

Considering they wish to meet the nursery friends, I think they would be on their best behaviour.

My guess would be the majority here, silent and otherwise, see that statement more as "judge" the nursery friends. Are they suitable for mini-k.

Personally I'd say "yes please" to vol au vents. Retro is cool and the other guest may never have seen one so novelty factor BUT as a lovely contribution from the P's to your nibbles in your house.

We did a party once for SB who'd just moved school and invited the whole class. Held in local leisure centre with the kids in teams and 4 grown ups as captains. They ran themselves ragged. We invited parents at very end because my mum was very ill but wanted to see her grandson. She wore a posh frock with full accessories and hat and we had a closing ceremony where every kid got a medal and a well done. They then had a group picture taken with all the kids and the posh lady.

Long story to say maybe find away to make it special for them so they're involved but don't own it. You know them all best.

7roland8

Can't think how your wife feels but an getting annoyed on her behalf now - and I wasn't on her side before!
If she wants party at your house then do it - get grandparents there - with all the kids no-one will notice if its frosty between them. Get them to bring food if they want.
I would be beside myself if my husband wimped out like that and deferred to his parents.
And food for my kids parties would be crisps, choc finger biscuits, crispy crunchies, coke, ice cream, jelly and whatever else he picked - not a finger buffet in the conservatory - gosh words fail me.

AlexLK

kissjenn wrote: »

My guess would be the majority here, silent and otherwise, see that statement more as "judge" the nursery friends. Are they suitable for mini-k.

Personally I'd say "yes please" to vol au vents. Retro is cool and the other guest may never have seen one so novelty factor BUT as a lovely contribution from the P's to your nibbles in your house.

We did a party once for SB who'd just moved school and invited the whole class. Held in local leisure centre with the kids in teams and 4 grown ups as captains. They ran themselves ragged. We invited parents at very end because my mum was very ill but wanted to see her grandson. She wore a posh frock with full accessories and hat and we had a closing ceremony where every kid got a medal and a well done. They then had a group picture taken with all the kids and the posh lady.

Long story to say maybe find away to make it special for them so they're involved but don't own it. You know them all best.

Sadly, my more cynical side thought that too. However, my parents have no real friends and are becoming more isolated as each year passes by. Every Christmas they have a get together in their house and I now have to find people who will come.

7roland8 wrote: »

Can't think how your wife feels but an getting annoyed on her behalf now - and I wasn't on her side before!
If she wants party at your house then do it - get grandparents there - with all the kids no-one will notice if its frosty between them. Get them to bring food if they want.
I would be beside myself if my husband wimped out like that and deferred to his parents.
And food for my kids parties would be crisps, choc finger biscuits, crispy crunchies, coke, ice cream, jelly and whatever else he picked - not a finger buffet in the conservatory - gosh words fail me.

Mrs. K. mainly wants the party here because her family have not been present at son's birthday before as it's been a dinner at my parents' for his previous two.

I'm not "wimping out" of anything! We hadn't thought about asking our son about what food he would like to eat, actually. I'll see if Mrs. K. wants to ask him as I think that'd be a nice idea - he doesn't usually get a choice.

Parents were going to roll out the good old tequila sunrise without the tequila and pina colada without the rum for the kids which I remember from my childhood :rotfl:.

chevalier

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I still hold to my position with regards to your parents attitude. They may not be consciously undermining you but they are doing it nevertheless.

Ref the birthday party. It would be VERY unusual for a 3 year olds party to be anywhere but at home (or in a playbarn type of place). This is what we did with our children for the first 5 years of their lives. You don't want to create the wrong impression with the children's parents (who you are inviting to the party) do you?

As for the 'finger food', oh my. I agree with another poster crisps, and such like is fine. I have another suggestion actually. Have a grandparents party on the actual birthday, and then have the kids party the next day. It won't matter to little K that the kids one isn't on his actual birthday. And would probably be far less stressful for you both (you wouldn't be worrying about someone related to you saying something out of turn in front of the other parents).

But I would have BOTH OF THEM AT YOUR HOUSE. Neutral ground as other have said. Also you mentioned not having enough room in the house for little ones to run around. Well you just move furniture around to make the space for an afternoon, and then move it back!

Well done on writing the first F & F letter, now to write the second one:D!

Ref the loan can you overpay it? If so then that would be a good reason to sell the '3 chairs in the garage' as it will save you in interest. Have you had a play on the snowball calculator to see how much interest you would save? There is a link on the main dfw part of the site. Might be an eye opener and give you another burst of motivation.

Well done on selling of the less important things. That was a good thought. Having a less cluttered house will help you have a less cluttered brain (now if only I could practice what I preach lol. But I am getting there too). I think the reason we hang onto 'stuff' sometimes is because we are embarrassed on some level to sell it for less than we paid for it - not just for sentimental reasons. I know that is the case in my life. I bought a whole load of stuff to on sell when I had PND, and now don't want to let it go as then I will really 'know' that I wasted that money.:o On the other hand I could have a nice little getaway in my bedroom if I could move the 3 metres by 2 metre lot of boxes I have there.

I was sorry to 'hear' about the troubles your wife was having (hope it is was and is all sorted now?) at work. But sometimes you have to take a stand on your professional integrity, especially if the safety of others is potentially at stake.

The same goes for standing on your own personal integrity too.

Ref the insults - like wow. Thank you for reminding me how LUCKY I am with my in laws. They are ALL lovely and I love mine to bits. We don't live in the UK currently and if I am really honest I miss my in laws more than my mum:o. There is no way I would put up with the insults you have taken from either set of parents. They are being cruel TO BOTH of you. You see when eg her parents mock YOU. They are actually mocking their own daughter too, and that is a horrible thing for a parent to do to a child. I would seriously be laying down the law about that. Little K WILL start to pick up on those snipes now he is growing up. How will you feel if one day those horrible words come out of HIS mouth? Because saying horrible things is his normality at least as far as his grand parents are concerned. You BOTH need to think hard about that.

You have come so far, and you have a way to go both financially and emotionally. But you can do this. Has it ever occurred to either of you that hyenas hunt in packs to pull down lions? That's because the lion is too strong for one of them to pull down on their own.

You mentioned that you have kept money in the business as you are too afraid you would fritter it away. Now I know zilch about business (have been a PAYE slave all my working life lol), but if you did take a dividend out of the business, surely it could just go straight to one of the cards that isn't with a DCA yet? Then it wouldn't be burning a hole in anyone's pocket. Ask your accountant how to do this.

I REALLY think with the rate you are selling things, plus a business dividend you COULD be debt free by Christmas. Don't let fear of the past immobilise you. Apart from anything else THIS time you would discuss it with your OH so you wouldn't be able to hide the money coming in, nor it going out again.

Hope this gives you something to think about.

Good luck. I know we have been a bit hard, but we really are rooting for you in perhaps a way you have never had in your adult life before. We don't have an agenda - ie in keeping you in your place as a 'loser' and 'pathetic'. WE WANT YOU TO FLY!
chev

EchoDelta

My parents and in laws don't particularly get on either. All polite to faces but strained and then I get "s/he thinks this or that" afterwards which Does My Head In!

After a very stressful 1st birthday party with everyone together we've started splitting it all up a bit so for Small's 3rd birthday we had :-

-day out at zoo on actual birthday
-party at home for her friends (I think we had 5 or 6 which was plenty!)
-tea party with in laws,aunts and uncles (Mr Delta's sisters and brothers in law) and Small's cousins

I made 2 identical birthday cakes and everyone had a lovely time, no one felt left out and, importantly, I got to stay sane!

Hope that whatever YOU AND MRS K plan works out for you.