Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

lostinrates

fc123 wrote: »

Do join in too

What we both need is a thread about MSE living to have spare £££ to spend on bathrooms and stuff (and have you seen the price of extractors recently (!)) but I haven't found one yet. There doesn't seem to be an appropriate board to post one....plus it would read like one long spend fest and make Alex's new gloves cost pale in comparison.

Title could be; My house renovation; The Money Pit.

Thing is Alex, you want to do BTL at some point as well as do up your house (or move to the big one) and send son to a fee paying school. Absolutely nothing wrong with any of those choices whatsoever but 1st rule is Money goes to Money.

It's all the little luxury spends that will take you further away from the above and I could say, well, just go and up your income to 10k pcm but your passion is the music and the furniture and both those can give you a good living (and are also good for your mental health).........

........but 1st you need to wipe out that debt (and the loan), de-clutter your surrounds and sell off all the things you don't need or use (which will also clear your head) and then , trust me, money will go to money as you will have spare to save each week.

Then when you have 30k sat in the bank you can decide whether to spend it on hols and cars and pens or put it down as a deposit on a BTL or wipe out a chunk of mortgage.

It will give you choices.

Pop 'home' to our board, I'll talk extractors with you, I'll just go and take a picture of one of the extractors in the new bathroom in the Wreckstoration. (Now done)

Mara_uk7

My extractor has a light on it and it opens and shuts like a camera lens ! Some cool ! Lol

AlexLK

Well, I'm not sure I can answer all of this which has happened over the course of the time I have been away. Many of these questions go beyond my capacity of thought at this moment in time. As somebody said, you have only my opinions and I suppose I am far from happily married at the moment which doesn't exactly help matters.

Truth be told, half the reason I do the things I do is more to do with my deep unhappiness in life and current situation. I don't wish to be seen as somebody "average", with my average life and average house.

heartbreak_star

So prove you're not average in other ways.

For example, I have a fairly low income and a modest house. However, I can deadlift 125kg - which is far above average for a woman of my age and stats.

Strive to be above average in your music, or your teaching, or something similar - your only enemy is yourself.

HBS x

AlexLK

In response:

Am I dodging the issues with my finances: Yes. Have I started F&F negotiations with the two cards now with agencies: no. In many ways I just cannot face up to it. I have money to pay off (some) of the debts but am reluctant to make that move because I know then the money is gone forever.

The car: It's not all Mrs. K., I did say she could buy one and then regretted it.

My family: Hope I've explained this one in my previous post. I'm not happily married and I have long had "issues" with my parents, mainly because they basically disowned me in my twenties. There have been times, looking back, I may have twisted things they've said / done for my own gain. No it's not big, nor clever.

My lifestyle: It's not sustainable, I know this and this was why I came on here in the first place. FC: I've heard the phrase "money goes to money" more times than I care to remember. I don't suppose I'll get to the point of being able to do BTL or anything else of my own accord.

BEAT_THE_DEBT

I have read all this thread and although we have been given information regards family matters this is money saving and if judgements are being made let's keep it moneysaving. We are all in the same boat regardless of class otherwise we wouldn't be on here.

leanne77

Sorry Alex, if you're having to put effort into it, you are by definition not upper class. If you're upper class you are upper class regardless of what you wear, how you talk, and, in fact, how much money you have. (Preoccupation with money and things is actually very middle class!)

I'm another vote for using the saved money to clear debt asap. I think you should read Dave Ramsey, Total Money Makeover. He's very American and you'll probably hate him but he's really good at the pyschcology of motivating people. I think you'd benefit particularly because you could clear your debts so fast if you and Mrs K put your full weight behind it.

Also re moving into your parents house, you don't actually have to do this to avoid IHT, they can sell the house to somebody who actually wants it and can afford to run it, and give you part of the proceeds after they've bought a new house. If they are unhappy with giving, then they can put it in a trust for little K. Or a combination of the two.

Good luck with everything

PS: You remind me horribly of my brother who's sense of proportion was seriously messed with by his very, very posh school. My family is ordinary posh, my father a grammer school boy made good, to give a sense of it I had a rich family at my 'normal' school, whereas at my brother's he was one of the poor ones.

The truth is we are all pretty average. We are not special snowflakes. The world in general is pretty indifferent to us. But to our family and friends we are unique and irreplaceable. And sometimes we can touch the stars, you play the violin, you must surely have moments when you lose your self-conciousness and everything flows perfect and true. or when you and your family are happy and laughing together and you love them so much you could burst. Those are the moments that count.

No amount of stuff bought to make you special is going to make you special, not even if you bought the mona lisa, you'd just be the weird guy who bought the mona lisa. but doing stuff you love, being with people you love, even, dare I say it, buying stuff you really, genuiely love, that will make you happy and that's better than being special any day of the week.

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Your only enemy is yourself.

I realise this. However, I am unaware as to how I can change, as I have always wanted a life less ordinary. In many ways I would be happy to be content with "nothing special".

HOK3Y

Alex, I don't know what will help more - a hug or a slap - but I'm leaning to a tight hug. Can I just say one thing in the hope that you will take some time to think about it: If you are truly so unhappily married and your wife is willing to throw it away if she doesn't get a car, you need to either accept it is over and move on or MAN UP. If you want to remain in your marriage, just about all you have left is your dignity and you are giving it up on a plate. Stop. Take it back. Show her you are a man and you deserve to be respected. If she refuses to respect you and your thoughts, feelings and opinions, you're done and it is better for you to accept you will never be happy in that relationship.

I wish you happiness, no matter where life leads you, no matter what car you drive, or what pen you write with. Being happy and fulfilled is what life is about and that doesn't come from 'stuff'. It comes from the relationships you have with others and your primary relationship must be healthy or your whole life is shot.

Above said with genuine concern. X

AlexLK

BEAT_THE_DEBT wrote: »

I have read all this thread and although we have been given information regards family matters this is money saving and if judgements are being made let's keep it moneysaving. We are all in the same boat regardless of class otherwise we wouldn't be on here.

Thank you.

leanne77 wrote: »

Sorry Alex, if you're having to put effort into it, you are by definition not upper class. If you're upper class you are upper class regardless of what you wear, how you talk, and, in fact, how much money you have. (Preoccupation with money and things is actually very middle class!)

I'm another vote for using the saved money to clear debt asap. I think you should read Dave Ramsey, Total Money Makeover. He's very American and you'll probably hate him but he's really good at the pyschcology of motivating people. I think you'd benefit particularly because you could clear your debts so fast if you and Mrs K put your full weight behind it.

Also re moving into your parents house, you don't actually have to do this to avoid IHT, they can sell the house to somebody who actually wants it and can afford to run it, and give you part of the proceeds after they've bought a new house. If they are unhappy with giving, then they can put it in a trust for little K. Or a combination of the two.

Good luck with everything

I suppose in many ways I, like my father, wish I was something other than a "mere pleb". I try to "make up for" my shortcomings by "playing a part".

If truth be told, I want to do the house swap more than my parents who like the idea of the house being passed down but don't really want to let me have it as much as I want it. I am their only son and shouldn't have to be pushed aside in favour of their grandson.