Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

Don't feel like that....none of us are 'average' to the people that matter to us.

I have never felt that way, maybe I just don't really matter enough to anybody.

fc123 wrote: »

Having a deep dissatisfaction inside you is hard to live with but keep talking, keep facing things head on, keep solving problems as they occur, keep the end goal in mind when debt-busting and it should dissipate in time.

Thank you and yes, it's difficult to realise I'm a f**k up. If I could turn it around I would be pleased though.

fc123 wrote: »

Of course you can but it won't happen tomorrow...it could take you 15 years or 5. Please don't give up the idea before you start...the saving I mean....keeping it on topic.

If it took me 15 years they're not be a whole lot of point, :rotfl:. However, I do see your point . My parents spent much of their working lives in a lot of debt to get into the position they are in today. I remember my father once admitting if the house of cards fell, they'd (and I at the time as I was a child) would have been "out on the streets".

fc123 wrote: »

Stay the course Alex, don't quit.
No-one has suggested you go through a total change of who you are as you are you.:)

Luckily, I've not been known to quit a "course" as yet.

7roland8 wrote: »

Alex - don't be despondent - you have come a long way in short time - selling some stuff and managing to raise over £11,000 - quite an achievement.

Thank you. I actually look at that figure each time I post and feel quite proud. :rotfl: .

7roland8 wrote: »

As FC said - you are not average - you have talents - and who knows who you may inspire with the music teaching - you don't have to be a perfect player - your enthusiasm will inspire them.

Also you have your son - delight in him - don't focus too far on the future as things can change in a way you cannot anticipate - just enjoy being with him now before he is off to school.

Funny you should mention music and son. He's starting to get very interested in music and loves messing about on the piano. This probably sounds a little odd but in many ways my little boy is my life at the moment.

7roland8 wrote: »

Yes and I do get the agreeing to things for the sake of peace cop-out - you're not the only one who does that - sometimes its easier to take the line of least resistance.

LOL, somebody asked what the "consequence" would be, basically falling out and I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.

Mara_uk7 wrote: »

You are who you are .. I like that.
You started this journey for a reason, don't give up now. You sacrificed some precious items to pay your debts, don't waste that. Go on Alex, make the f&f offers, you could get rid of half the debt in one fell swoop.

Or .... You could sell some more of YOUR precious collection to buy her a car she doesn't need . She will bleed you dry at this rate.

Think about it hun, its not rocket science.
Nite nite x

Thank you, Mara.

Mrs. K. is not all bad and I did originally agree to the car , so I'm as much to blame for this one. However, I have drafted a letter to send to one of the collection agencies too this evening.

AlexLK

mum2one wrote: »

If you feel old at 34, what chance have I got at 42.......!!!! xx

:rotfl: You're not old and neither are we in our thirties!

My mother told me that she only felt old the day she finished work (retired). Considering I've not had a "proper job" (yes FC ... here we go again ) since I was 27 looks like I've got a looooooong "retirement" ahead to enjoy! Now, where did that brochure for that around the world cruise go ...

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

If it took me 15 years they're not be a whole lot of point, :rotfl:. However, I do see your point . My parents spent much of their working lives in a lot of debt to get into the position they are in today. I remember my father once admitting if the house of cards fell, they'd (and I at the time as I was a child) would have been "out on the streets".






Funny you should mention music and son. He's starting to get very interested in music and loves messing about on the piano. This probably sounds a little odd but in many ways my little boy is my life at the moment.



LOL, somebody asked what the "consequence" would be, basically falling out and I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.



Mrs. K. is not all bad and I did originally agree to the car , so I'm as much to blame for this one. However, I have drafted a letter to send to one of the collection agencies too this evening.

Well done you on the letter.......when we saved for our F+F's it truly pained us to send the cash to the card companies, in fact, we did procrastinate over it just for a few days to 'enjoy' the feeling of having generated the surplus from hard graft and then having to 'give it away'.

That was what it felt like (even though we were just spending in arrears so to speak) and OH can vividly remember saying that he couldn't wait for the time to come when we saved surplus and it was ours to spend as we wished.

In bold could be one of the reasons why they have the views they have over money, possessions, security and so on. Don't say if you don't want to but what was the business? Didn't they want to you to work with them in it + carry it on or did they just close it down / sell it when they retired? Just curious really...well nosey.;)

mum2one

AlexLK wrote: »

In response:

Am I dodging the issues with my finances: Yes. Have I started F&F negotiations with the two cards now with agencies: no. In many ways I just cannot face up to it. I have money to pay off (some) of the debts but am reluctant to make that move because I know then the money is gone forever.
I'm going to be really blunt here, - I know you have had problems, but for heck sake you have debts, - your in a position to either got for full and final - by the looks of it you could go a 1/3rd - your more liable to get somewhere with the debts that you have with the agencies than the ones that are still with the original company, - (for full and final you can get some really good advice and templates from stepchange0.

The money is going to be gone - it cant be everything - but it would be reducing your debts and that is what your suppose to want?

The car: It's not all Mrs. K., I did say she could buy one and then regretted it.

Surely it is an equal decision - Mrs K has a car - she should make do with that one, you said earlier its only 3k, - a 10th of my debt.... what happens next time when its 7k or 50k, if Mts k wants a car she should finance it herself. The answer should be "were not in the position to buy another car at the moment, maybe in 6 months time the situation will be different. my last car me £500..... the one before that 3k - I had that 3k for 11 years and now I then sold it to my dad...... (£70) but thats not the point......

My family: Hope I've explained this one in my previous post. I'm not happily married and I have long had "issues" with my parents, mainly because they basically disowned me in my twenties. There have been times, looking back, I may have twisted things they've said / done for my own gain. No it's not big, nor clever.
[COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]Then get off your rear and face facts, you have a child together your parents, face up to the marriage - seek councelling, I'm thinking of Little K here as well, even at 3, he can still pick up on tensions. The end result is - Little k will either have 2 parents that love each other or 2 that live apart......

Its not big or clever to twist things, yes this is a forum, but people take time out to help you and that is just like a slap in their face, maybe you saw things this way, I dont know. I dont know what happened in your 20s but you are in your 30s, again look at now not the past [/COLOR]


My lifestyle: It's not sustainable, I know this and this was why I came on here in the first place. FC: I've heard the phrase "money goes to money" more times than I care to remember. I don't suppose I'll get to the point of being able to do BTL or anything else of my own accord.

[COLOR="rgb(75, 0, 130)"]Your capable of doing a BTL but first you need to get your debts sorted, you need to get that damm chip off your shoulder and start looking long term[/COLOR]

I really dont know whether I am coming or going as really in 24hours your thread just has blown, I know I dont know you, but theres time where I feel like saying come and spend 48 hours in my life, then maybe your see a reality streak, at the moment there is no reality, I feel like an i want, she's aid this, they've done this, yes we have all made mistakes, but the thing is to draw a line under them and come through it, yes you blew the money when u were younger, a lot of people have done maybe not the extent that you have, you dont know how lucky you are.

This week I found out that a fellow poster, who was one in a million, I had the pleasure of spending some time with her and her family a few years ago and stayed in touch through the thread. This lady beat agressive breast cancer twice, as well as trying to keep her and her families head above water, support her family, her grandchildren, while the cancer came back, and she passed away this week. You need a reality check, I suggest you read a few pages of her story (user name Taxi73).

Youve been on this money journey for a month or 2 and your struggling with it, ok youve sold items which has helped get a massive total together, but theres people out here that are not in that position and at times it feels like a slap in the face, if I can pay £5 extra off a debt, to me that is an achievement and a massive one.

You need a reality check, I am so sorry to be so blunt, but please stop and think, your an educated man, but sometimes you dont use it,

mum2one

AlexLK wrote: »

Thank you.



I suppose in many ways I, like my father, wish I was something other than a "mere pleb". I try to "make up for" my shortcomings by "playing a part".

If truth be told, I want to do the house swap more than my parents who like the idea of the house being passed down but don't really want to let me have it as much as I want it. I am their only son and shouldn't have to be pushed aside in favour of their grandson.

To an extent we play a part, not for shortcomings for me, but to give my daughter a "normal experience" we have to go away, if I ever move I have to let my ex know my new address within 7 days (court order), were never be free, so holidays are a lifeline for us. But there is reality and you need to remember this.

You want the house swop, sorry but no where in that statement is any fact as to what Mrs k wants, yet you seem jealous at the thought of the house going to Little K.

I am my parents only daughter, my daughter is my only child, although not her fathers, he now has another child, plus stepchildren. I hope your never put in a position I was put in last Xmas Eve, - we'd just got back from a break, and there was a Xmas card from her father - no present, no voucher - just a father dumping his daughter. This was despite all his letters "my first Xmas as a father to you, your get spolit rotten" - she asked was his son and the stepchildren going without a present as well...... of course I know the answer to that one.....

Alex that is reality - you need a dose of this at the mo.

Part of me wants to give you a slap into reality, while the other part of me wants to give you a big hug, (in a motherly way... not a toyboy!!

AlexLK

fc123 wrote: »

Well done you on the letter.......when we saved for our F+F's it truly pained us to send the cash to the card companies, in fact, we did procrastinate over it just for a few days to 'enjoy' the feeling of having generated the surplus from hard graft and then having to 'give it away'.

That was what it felt like (even though we were just spending in arrears so to speak) and OH can vividly remember saying that he couldn't wait for the time to come when we saved surplus and it was ours to spend as we wished.

In bold could be one of the reasons why they have the views they have over money, possessions, security and so on. Don't say if you don't want to but what was the business? Didn't they want to you to work with them in it + carry it on or did they just close it down / sell it when they retired? Just curious really...well nosey.;)

Glad I'm not the only one.

I can't wait for such a time either but not sure if I'll make it that far as to have savings!

I suppose you are right regarding my parents, they followed their own dreams and built their own little empire, or that is how they saw it. They were involved in a few different things, all declining as I was growing up but that was to do with the nature of the work (heavy industry / chrome plating). As things started to get tough, they went into houses (was always a dream of my father's to become a landlord, something to do with wanting to become a member of the land owning class, I suppose).

AlexLK

mum2one: Upon reading a little of the diary by the poster you mentioned, I have heavily edited this response as I did feel my comments were both inappropriate and insensitive.

I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your friend and realise at times like these I do not perhaps have it so bad. I do really like you and hope you shall continue to contribute to my diary.

What I meant by saying I "twist things", my side of the story is that, I leave out my comments whether I have provoked the situation or not.

mum2one

Alex - Thank you, bit of a shock, she was a strong lady.

Your stuck with me, most of the time you make me smile...

We all provock situations, the thing is in arguments you know that persons weak spot and throw that at them, - the family arguements we've had over the years - we all know the strings to pull.

You sleep tight tonight - back on the debt free lifestyle tomorrow - and i'm off to bed - I have the pleasure of the dog snoring - he sneaked upstairs to bed earlier and I'm too big of a softie to move him... xx

bess1234_2

Well done on the f and f letter:T:T:T that's the thing bout you Alex! In between the endless self torture, you actually achieve loads.

Please take your sons savings and go private with the counselling. That would be worth every penny spent. How long did the doc say the waiting list was? Being able to jump the queue is what you have money for. Our nhs counselling service has private appointments. Listening to your endless self torture is painful.

Imagine a day when you know you are a good dad, good musician, good son, good husband, good businessman, good teacher, and most importantly a good man. How easy would each day become. You are these things already, but your mind is messing with you.

kerri_dfw

Alex, I wouldn't say the BTL dream is pointless if doing it for 15yrs time, although I scoffed at "land owning class" as I know people earning £30k that are landlords. We're currently earning £60k between two of us,with a baby on the way, and saving up £60k in 3yrs to buy our first house which will be about £200k. Then we'll pay that off for the next 6yrs before saving another £60k to buy a second property so we can rent out the first. My partner will be 47 by the time we have two properties, neither of us think this is too old. In fact we believe this will enable us to relax a little when we're not feeling like being slaves to the man anymore as all bills will be covered by the rent.