Mr and Mrs K's New Journey to a Debt Free Life.

heartbreak_star

Everyone needs an outlet, if this is yours keep posting about all the random stuff! You're always gonna get a mix of hugs and shakes...but that's life.

YOU CAN DO THIS. You have a good income, and the eBaying is going well. Get some F&F letters done, once some things are paid off it may help you feel better.

Better to take control now.

HBS x

gallygirl

Swop houses with your parents and you will make your worries worse:

• Bigger bills
• More repairs
• More expectations (that YOU make, not others) re what car you should drive, what lifestyle you should have.

You'll end up even deeper in debt. I'll say it again - read The Millionaire Next Door!!!!!

leanne77

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexLK
I wish it were so simple as talking to my wife and family, stop thinking about my position in society (which is as some kind of nobody in reality) and spending money on things I don't need.

lostinrates is right these are not simple things. as motivation could you perhaps change 'stop thinking about my position in society' to concerntrate on being the best violin teacher possible or something similiar. anything at all really that's something you want to move to, rather than away from. and again with 'spending money' can you change it to saving money to buy my wife a car.

if you spend the whole time thinking about what you don't want, you're still thinking about it if you see what i mean.

(also surely you must know what it's like to hit perfection in music, otherwise why would you love it? i dont mean an entire piece of perfection, just that one moment when everything is beautiful. i write (badly) and most of the time it's grinding hard work but just occasionally i hit the flow and everything sings. apparently if you keep going you get flow more often but i have no proof of this. have you tried 'the artist's way' by julia cameron. it's a bit american (much less so than dave ramsey!) but it might help you.

it's almost impossible to arrange outside things, especially other people, to make you happy inside, but if you're happy inside, outside can chuck around the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and you'll just sail through the storm.)

ps: just had a thought, when i said you reminded me horribly of my brother, that wasn't meant as an insult, only that my brother never resolved his issues and i so hope that it doesn't happen like that for you, remember the bit about you being irreplacable to those who love you

AlexLK

heartbreak_star wrote: »

Everyone needs an outlet, if this is yours keep posting about all the random stuff! You're always gonna get a mix of hugs and shakes...but that's life.

YOU CAN DO THIS. You have a good income, and the eBaying is going well. Get some F&F letters done, once some things are paid off it may help you feel better.

Better to take control now.

HBS x

Thank you and yes, I suppose writing on here is my "outlet". My life has not been so easy in recent years.

I enjoy the eBaying, which is probably why it is going well. As for the income, that's only good for as long as Mrs. K. sticks around. If she did leave I'm not even sure how I'd pay the mortgage let alone anything else; is it any wonder I feel the need to "compensate"? :mad:

gallygirl wrote: »

Swop houses with your parents and you will make your worries worse:

• Bigger bills
• More repairs
• More expectations (that YOU make, not others) re what car you should drive, what lifestyle you should have.

You'll end up even deeper in debt. I'll say it again - read The Millionaire Next Door!!!!!

Yes, I did mean to read that and didn't, certainly on the list. Don't really want to answer other comments at the moment as I don't feel in the right state of mind to.

leanne77 wrote: »

lostinrates is right these are not simple things. as motivation could you perhaps change 'stop thinking about my position in society' to concerntrate on being the best violin teacher possible or something similiar. anything at all really that's something you want to move to, rather than away from. and again with 'spending money' can you change it to saving money to buy my wife a car.

if you spend the whole time thinking about what you don't want, you're still thinking about it if you see what i mean.

(also surely you must know what it's like to hit perfection in music, otherwise why would you love it? i dont mean an entire piece of perfection, just that one moment when everything is beautiful. i write (badly) and most of the time it's grinding hard work but just occasionally i hit the flow and everything sings. apparently if you keep going you get flow more often but i have no proof of this. have you tried 'the artist's way' by julia cameron. it's a bit american (much less so than dave ramsey!) but it might help you.

it's almost impossible to arrange outside things, especially other people, to make you happy inside, but if you're happy inside, outside can chuck around the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and you'll just sail through the storm.)

LOL, I am flattered to think I could concentrate on being the "best violin teacher possible", I'm not good enough at music to ever become such a thing in the first place. Nor do I always practice what I preach.

Yes, I understand where you are coming from re. the music now. However, I prefer listening to others than hearing my own poor attempts.

LannieDuck

I was a bit worried waaay back in the thread when you started saving the money for F&Fs rather than paying down the debt. Once you build up a big chunk of money, it's all too easy to start thinking of it as 'yours', whereas if you immediately pay it against your debts, you don't have time to mentally spend it on other things. If you don't do the F&Fs now, are you ever going to build up such a good lump sum again? Don't waste the opportunity you've worked so hard for.

You say you're not sure how far down the DFW path you'll go. Please at least stick with it long enough to clear your current debts. You've done really well so far, and have come a hugely long way in a very short time. Once these debts are gone you'll have a clean slate, and what you do then (build up more debts or find a way to live within your means) is entirely in the hands of you and Mrs K.

And of course your music teaching is part of your DFW journey - it's allowing you to live without building up more spending on Ccs while you sell stuff to pay down the debt.

It's been a bit tumultuous on your thread today. Maybe you need to take a day or two to clear your head, and then come back.

AlexLK

LannieDuck wrote: »

I was a bit worried waaay back in the thread when you started saving the money for F&Fs rather than paying down the debt. Once you build up a big chunk of money, it's all too easy to start thinking of it as 'yours', whereas if you immediately pay it against your debts, you don't have time to mentally spend it on other things. If you don't do the F&Fs now, are you ever going to build up such a good lump sum again? Don't waste the opportunity you've worked so hard for.

You say you're not sure how far down the DFW path you'll go. Please at least stick with it long enough to clear your current debts. You've done really well so far, and have come a hugely long way in a very short time. Once these debts are gone you'll have a clean slate, and what you do then (build up more debts or find a way to live within your means) is entirely in the hands of you and Mrs K.

And of course your music teaching is part of your DFW journey - it's allowing you to live without building up more spending on Ccs while you sell stuff to pay down the debt.

It's been a bit tumultuous on your thread today. Maybe you need to take a day or two to clear your head, and then come back.

Thank you for your advice. Yes, I have come a long way and really tried my best to become a "new person" in regards to spending etc. However, if nothing else has come of this thread today, I realise it is going to be much more difficult than just simply "running away from" my "old life".

fc123

AlexLK wrote: »

Well, I'm not sure I can answer all of this which has happened over the course of the time I have been away. Many of these questions go beyond my capacity of thought at this moment in time. As somebody said, you have only my opinions and I suppose I am far from happily married at the moment which doesn't exactly help matters.

Truth be told, half the reason I do the things I do is more to do with my deep unhappiness in life and current situation. I don't wish to be seen as somebody "average", with my average life and average house.

Don't feel like that....none of us are 'average' to the people that matter to us.

Having a deep dissatisfaction inside you is hard to live with but keep talking, keep facing things head on, keep solving problems as they occur, keep the end goal in mind when debt-busting and it should dissipate in time.

AlexLK wrote: »

In response:

Am I dodging the issues with my finances: Yes. Have I started F&F negotiations with the two cards now with agencies: no. In many ways I just cannot face up to it. I have money to pay off (some) of the debts but am reluctant to make that move because I know then the money is gone forever.

The car: It's not all Mrs. K., I did say she could buy one and then regretted it.

My family: Hope I've explained this one in my previous post. I'm not happily married and I have long had "issues" with my parents, mainly because they basically disowned me in my twenties. There have been times, looking back, I may have twisted things they've said / done for my own gain. No it's not big, nor clever.

My lifestyle: It's not sustainable, I know this and this was why I came on here in the first place. FC: I've heard the phrase "money goes to money" more times than I care to remember. I don't suppose I'll get to the point of being able to do BTL or anything else of my own accord.

Of course you can but it won't happen tomorrow...it could take you 15 years or 5. Please don't give up the idea before you start...the saving I mean....keeping it on topic.

AlexLK wrote: »

I realise this. However, I am unaware as to how I can change, as I have always wanted a life less ordinary. In many ways I would be happy to be content with "nothing special".

Stay the course Alex, don't quit.
No-one has suggested you go through a total change of who you are as you are you.:)

7roland8

Alex - don't be despondent - you have come a long way in short time - selling some stuff and managing to raise over £11,000 - quite an achievement.

As FC said - you are not average - you have talents - and who knows who you may inspire with the music teaching - you don't have to be a perfect player - your enthusiasm will inspire them.

Also you have your son - delight in him - don't focus too far on the future as things can change in a way you cannot anticipate - just enjoy being with him now before he is off to school.

Yes and I do get the agreeing to things for the sake of peace cop-out - you're not the only one who does that - sometimes its easier to take the line of least resistance.

Mara_uk7

You are who you are .. I like that.
You started this journey for a reason, don't give up now. You sacrificed some precious items to pay your debts, don't waste that. Go on Alex, make the f&f offers, you could get rid of half the debt in one fell swoop.

Or .... You could sell some more of YOUR precious collection to buy her a car she doesn't need . She will bleed you dry at this rate.

Think about it hun, its not rocket science.
Nite nite x

mum2one

heartbreak_star wrote: »

32 is young? I feel like an old biddy at 34 haha!

HBS x

If you feel old at 34, what chance have I got at 42.......!!!! xx