This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

SusieT

Much better to keep some things in your head only, that way nobody can see or say the wrong thing to the wrong person. 
Good luck getting part of the fencing paid for by him, IF the house gets sold to someone else, you can just take it with you, or sell it to someone else  

Watty1

Ha!  An excellent point.     I dealt with all the maintenance issues in one letter and referred to the fact that we had discussed it by phone and he had agreed it did need repair and the way I was having it done was the best way forwards.  Obviously he can deny that so I added a part saying hat he  had broken part of the fencing when removing timber from the property over the stile.  The fencing man is happy to say this is true so got that bit covered.  Added a bit to say the property is a joint asset and we are responsible for jointly maintaining it to see that it is not devalued.  Leaking roofs and broken fences devalue has been my line.

Also pointed out I have repaired plumbing issues and he uses the taps and the washing machine and a broken pipe would devalue his asset, put in a new TV aerial and he watches TV and so on.   I said I was keeping a record (thanks to whoever on the forum mentioned a household ledger) and would sort it all out when we settled or when the property was sold.

Ultimately I care not. It was another letter,  If I buy the place I would have had to do the work, if it is sold I can  evidence he knew I was doing the work and reclaim my costs.

If he wishes to say it does not need doing he will have to pay his solicitor for that which makes me happy too.

Slinky

I wonder at what point he will clock that you're running up his bill with individual letters? I recall my dad getting very cross when his solicitor was writing multiple letters to him, putting them all in the same envelope and charging him per letter.

Alchemilla

Watty1 said:

ajmoney said:

@Watty1 could you go to the police with this council tax saga too? It would be documented and maybe help to build more of a picture of what he is subjecting you too.
Keep talking to us here, we are all on your side x

I tried that the debt collector and the police simply said it was civil so they were not interested. I nicely said that this seemed to be to be domestic abuse and the lovely policeman said it was but that the threshold for convictions is so high that they only help when there is the potential for a prosecution. 

That is an outrageous thing to say. 

Alchemilla

Watty1 said:

Local council have been in touch.  They say I am jointly liable for the period I was renting but can have single persons discount from August when I moved back here.  I'm thinking over what to do.
Charity should hear back soon, was to be not before today but hopefully this week after today. 
Today I reported ex for harassment to the police.  Womens aid said it was the lesser offence.   I'm waiting for someone to call me back.
I have dusted myself down and am back in the game as it were.     Everyone in my life is amazing both on here and in real life. 
today was much improved by tea and cake at the coffee shop

Well done, I'm so proud of you! 

Alchemilla

Hi Watty - just caught up and sending love x

Humdinger1

Just wondering how you are @Watty1? Love Humdinger xx 

Watty1

Emotional exhaustion is the only way I can describe me right now.   Thursday went to dentist and slept rest of the day.   Friday spent all day at work to make up for Thursday, Saturday got up and went to osteopath hoping for an instant fix of shoulder pain.   Osteopath suggested stress was an underlying factor in the pain, treated me and I was so exhausted I came home and went to sleep.  I asked the VNM to wake me at 2 pm but he left me sleeping until 4.30 saying he thought I needed it.    I got up, had dinner, went back to bed and slept until 8 this morning.

Around 9 pm I messaged a GP pal and she came back using the phrase emotional exhaustion and told me just to keep sleeping.   I'm up this morning, will do the horses and a little bit of work but going to abandon plans for the day in favour of going back to bed again.   Will try and get a doctors appointment tomorrow as I think I may need some mood help. I've steered clear of that so far using alternative strategies but right now I feel like I have simply run out of petrol.

daisy_1571

that is all very very understandable, its exhausting dealing with this on a 24hour basis, I can't remember when you first found out oh wasn't being straight with you but im sure uts been years

Sleep tight as long as you can and get refreshed watty 

Daisy xx

Watty1

Thank you all.  Finally felt a little bit more like myself and had a ready made curry and bottle of larger from local co-op last night and again feel a bit rubbish.   So clearly, no late nights, lots of sleep and good home cooked food for me only.  My quick meals over the weekend were to buy a cooked chicken and eat that with salads and jacket potatoes.   I'm planning on same next weekend as is easy and provides lot of opportunity to rest.

Anyway good news.. drum roll... the local water board have come up trumps.  After some very unpleasant calls from them, debt collectors and so on i finally spoke to a really helpful chap who "wanted to get to the bottom of what has been going on.  I was my nicest most patient self and ran through everything again reminding him of the proof I lived elsewhere I had sent in.  I also pointed out that although the ex had sent in evidence of a house purchase that one buys houses for many reasons, like investments, to rent out, to renovate, to sell.   But no-one rents a property for any other reason than to live in.  It has never occurred to me to point that out before.   The water board nice man asked for 24 hours to think it over and to discuss with his manager and yesterday he rang back to tell me the bill that was in my name has  been cancelled.  They will bill the ex for that period.   From August last year which is when I openly admit to living back at the joint property then the bill will be in joint names, and he actually apologised for this as he said he was aware I would struggle to get the ex to pay anything.     To be honest I was just relieved 2 years worth of bills are no longer in my name. 

It is a win.  A small win but nonetheless a win!