This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

LadyWithAPlan

So sorry you still at war with this person and I am sorry that the person he was really isn't the person he is now.
I am reluctant to say this but you might give  2023 all you have to get this resolved and if no resolution on getting the property by the end of the year  then just sell and split as I cant see what is going to stop him just harassing you. A calm life without seeing his weird behaviour is I think more important than a few walls and fields. You can always buy something else where you can keep your horses, it may be a few miles away but to me your mental health and day to day happiness is more important.

LeighofMar

LadyWithAPlan said:

So sorry you still at war with this person and I am sorry that the person he was really isn't the person he is now.
I am reluctant to say this but you might give  2023 all you have to get this resolved and if no resolution on getting the property by the end of the year  then just sell and split as I cant see what is going to stop him just harassing you. A calm life without seeing his weird behaviour is I think more important than a few walls and fields. You can always buy something else where you can keep your horses, it may be a few miles away but to me your mental health and day to day
happiness is more important

Well said @LadyWithAPlan. I know it's so hard as there was financial injustice involved and how it's not easy to move a business, find room for horses and adequate housing. But I also believe there are times, no matter how unfair it is, that one needs to cut their losses. And as Lady said, maybe give yourself a time limit and if things are no better, it's worth it to walk away so that his actions can no longer control you. 

ajmoney

Watty1 said:

ajmoney said:

@Watty1 could you go to the police with this council tax saga too? It would be documented and maybe help to build more of a picture of what he is subjecting you too.
Keep talking to us here, we are all on your side x

I tried that the debt collector and the police simply said it was civil so they were not interested. I nicely said that this seemed to be to be domestic abuse and the lovely policeman said it was but that the threshold for convictions is so high that they only help when there is the potential for a prosecution. 

Yes but with the council tax saga and saying he lives there but doesn't, I wondered... I would push his solicitor on this.
I heard earlier about the American who has won £1.1 billion on the lottery, I said I didn't need that kind of money but that if I did, I knew someone on line who's ex I would like to pay off x

SusieT

Watty1 said:

I'm really struggling with this whole episode to be honest.   I don't understand how someone who can sink to these depths can also walk in through the front door, make a fuss of the dog and ask how my day has been. I feel that there is two people here, the man that I mention on here and the lovely man that walks through the front door.

it seriously messes with my head.

The person who walks through the door and makes a fuss of the dog is a part of the personality, the person who is nice and normal to you is either another part of his personality, or, he is acting and doing his best to make you think he is being nice. 
At the moment he has noo idea if you have got the bill from the council or what is going on, so that will be messing with his head and he will most likely be waiting for you to say something. By saying nothing and doing things properly he will be stewing, and as a friend of mine used to say - living with whats in his head will not be a nice place to be. 
Try to put it down to him being a controlling person who has not only lost control of you, but has also got no idea if his pathetic little games are getting to you, so by being normal to him you will actually be giving him problems. 
I just hope that his solicitor gets back to you quickly and you can get the property settled quickly

Watty1

Perhaps I should try the police again?   I'm not sure. I think I'm just feeling ground down and overwhelmed.   

The Charming Cob exploded Friday and kicked the VNM into a ditch and then went for a gallop and flying kicks round the field.   No harm done to the VNM, he is just very bruised and battered.   The Charming Cob spent yesterday being subdued so I think he possibly has battered his internal surgery site and I'm hoping there is no lasting harm done.  (I spoke to the vet who was sanguine and said hope for the best).

I took the VNM out and bought him a hard hat for handling the horses as he was feeling nervous.  In return he took me out for dinner and I drank way too much wine after not eating properly all day so now slightly hung over.

Today I'm in the office just feeling overwhelmed by work.   I've mucked out. had some breakfast and am attempting to get my desk under some sort of control for the week ahead.

The stresses seem to have piled up and I've lost the will to follow up with anyone. I can see how people get so ground down in this situation.  

Humdinger1

@Watty1 that is totally understandable.   Does the refuge that gave legal advice have anyone you xan talk to? They will have seen this so many times and may have some interesting suggestions.   Remember you're fab love Humdinger xx 

daisy_1571

thats bound to happen from time to time.  It takes a huge amount of energy constantly waiting.  Concentrate on the good support you have and maybe its time for a little break?  Lots of places take dogs and horses.  A few days away with your beloved animals, and hopefully vnm, might recharge your batteries? 

It might make you think again about your long term plan, which is fantastic but comes with the downside that he will always know where you, your business and your life is.  I know its important but sometimes for somebody's mental reserves it might just be time to walk away and salvage what can be salvaged from afar.

(For when you have more strength: how does vnm cope with him wandering in and out?  Is there any benefit to trying to contact the girlfriend and see what she thinks of his behaviour?   Might be interesting for both of you to hear how he presents to each of you.  No need to answer on here, its just 2 things that have crossed my mind.)

Take care 

Daisy xx

Watty1

Depression took hold so I shelved all dealings with the ex and will just wait to see what the local councillor and the charity I've spoken with come back with.    Am very low so have posted anonymously on a local horse group to see if I can rent anywhere with the horses and cat for a while.  I would leave WattyDog behind because the ex keeps taking him anyway and I've had enough of that too.  I'm not sure what will come back, and with one recovering from surgery I can't go anytime soon but am giving serious consideration to walking away.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 it's no wonder you feel like this.  The only way you could avoid it is by hiding in a total fugue state.  However, you do have people in your corner, here and in real life.  Money is a small matter compared with your health and happiness.   When do you expect to hear back from the local Councillor and charity? Love Humdinger xx 

SusieT

Shelving dealings with him is the best thing you can do at the moment. Do you have any friends (other than VNM) that you can talk to, even if its only about horses over a huge cream cake it may help you offload a bit?  Once the cob has recovered you may find that a new place will give you a new start, and then ex will just have to sell amd split the proceeds - even though you feel like just walking away right now, long term you really do need and very much deserve a payoff.