This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

Meeting for the project was today.  Not a yes but not a no.  There is a possible option.  Have to wait and see what formal letter says.

Humdinger1

Excellent @Watty1; look forward to hearing more xx

Alchemilla

It would be lovely if you had some light at the end of that tunnel. 

Humdinger1

I think there is light and the next key step is when you get the reply from planning.  As far as VNM's mother I'd concerned, it sounds hard but she is an emotional blackmailer.  VNM needs love and support and that's what you're giving him.  Nothing will ever be enough for her and it would take years of therapy to disentangle, if she even engaged with it.  Did you mention that VNM has a sister? What's her take? It sounds like the rest of her family have her number and VNM is well aware, from their support of you.  It would be interesting to have a chat with one or two of them.  Keep us posted @watty1 love Humdinger xx 

SusieT

I hope VNM's mother accepts help and starts to eat again, such a shame when someone gets an idea in their head and starts doing things like that. I know that ex goes out early, but if it is goint to the cottage, make sure you are always there when the post arrives in case the letter gets intercepted by ex as that would not be good.

Humdinger1

Good point @SusieT! I'm sure @Watty1 is on the case with this as with everything else xx

badmemory

SusieT said:

I hope VNM's mother accepts help and starts to eat again, such a shame when someone gets an idea in their head and starts doing things like that. I know that ex goes out early, but if it is goint to the cottage, make sure you are always there when the post arrives in case the letter gets intercepted by ex as that would not be good.

Either that or have your post diverted to somewhere he doen't have access to.  Be prepared to change your locks as soon as legally acceptable.  I had been thinking about double glazing in a couple of years when my son caught my mother reading my post & I do mean reading not looking at who it was from.  Changing the locks would have looked a little iffy so I just replaced the double glazing for the bit of the house she got in through.  Caught her doing the same at my sisters a few years later, hence her new front door.  You need to protect yourself from people who will do things like that.  My only regret was not having warned my sister but I really didn't think our mother would do it to her.

Slinky

badmemory said:

SusieT said:

I hope VNM's mother accepts help and starts to eat again, such a shame when someone gets an idea in their head and starts doing things like that. I know that ex goes out early, but if it is goint to the cottage, make sure you are always there when the post arrives in case the letter gets intercepted by ex as that would not be good.

Either that or have your post diverted to somewhere he doen't have access to. 

Perhaps it's time to get yourself a lockable post box and make sure your postie knows he's only to put your stuff in there and definitely not leave it with your ex.

Watty1

Thanks for all having my back on the post.   The post here arrives about 1.30 pm and the goes out all day so it is rare he is here.   There is also a lot of post for the business so the man usually knocks. In the very rare occasions he has been here he just leaves it on the dining room table as he has none of his own post delivered here now.   However the letter will go to the planning consultant and me by email so we are good to go on that front.

I think the result of the meeting will be that yes, the barn can be converted, but no it cannot be extended and no the lean to cannot be included.  This will make a very tiny home. I've been thinking about it and come to a few thoughts, mainly that the object is to be able to afford a lovely retirement.  So, if the conversion is just caravan size then caravan living it will be.  I think it could work.  The lean too runs the length of the barn so this could become a large storage cupboard (hoover, broom, pantry, Christmas decorations, ironing board and so on.  All that clutter that takes up a lot of house space.     I could then re-configure the yard feed room which currently has a tumble drier and freezer in.  That could have a washing machine and better freezer and a better layout (I could dig a soakaway behind feed-room).  This would take all that "stuff" out of the kitchen.  I would then have roughly the size of a residential caravan and I think it could work.

It would be cheap to build and cheap to live in so it has a lot of pluses.   It isn't my "dream" but it is a doable thing and realistically I love living in the area I do and I have friends nearby and my horses are happy here.   I don't want to move out of area but i do know once I stop working I cannot afford to live in this cottage. It is big which is lovely, but it is often damp and the heating is inefficient at best, there are two large bedrooms  I do not use.  If I sat down and wrote my wish list for a new house it would be to have a dressing room, be warm, easy to heat and easy to keep clean with lots of storage and very light with natural light flooding in.  (I know the dressing room is a bit of a luxury but I am very untidy and cannot bear clothes in the bedroom and I've had that all my life).    I could achieve all that in the barn conversion just not the amount of space I really wanted in the rooms.  If I compromise on that space then I can do the rest.

Watty1

On the VNM Mother saga, she remains the same.  Yesterday went for a village church coffee morning with a friend. (bargain £3.50 for tea and cake and as many refills as you want)   Friend is a GP and I discussed the outcome with her which was super helpful.  I came back and interestingly because it was not "my ideas" but by doctor friend he realised we need to protect ourselves by not standing by and watching her do this to herself so we drafted a letter to her doctor explaining what was going on and delivered it by hand.   We both felt better that "we had done something" and involved a professional without her knowing.   It maybe that she really does know she is ill and that the outcome is inevitable abut at least this way it might be easier for her, and also for the VNM.