This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Humdinger1

@Watty1 these are fab steps! I think  the current cost of living crisis is likely to become the new normal so scaled-down but still beautiful living will be the absolute go-to for conscious spenders.  Agree 100% re VNM's mother too; should you shortly lose her, you both have to live with the fallout.  This will enable you to do that.  Lost in admiration as ever love Humdinger xx 

SusieT

That would be fantastic if you could get pre planning convert the barn The idea of using the lean to as a utility room would be a big help for extra space inside, and could probably hold racks and cupboards for extra "stuff"
Once it is done could you think about adding a smallish, well insulated conservatory to increase the size a bit? That may make it feel bigger without losing too much heat. Sounds very exciting  

Slinky

What is your plan with the cottage? Would you sell that or rent it out?

Humdinger1

Or would ex-OH be there? Xx

daisy_1571

oh that sounds lovely watty.  It may not be 'the dream ' but it sounds as if lots of it will be pretty dreamy and tick many of your boxes.  I'd say go for it with alacrity with what you are allowed then in future, fingers crossed, there may be further planning allowed for (without knowing the floorplan) mezzanine or attic space, another lean to down the other side but Incorporated into the living (first lean to sounds amazing - I know all rooms are essentially cupboards but that sounds like a huge walk in cupboard, lovely), a conservatory like SusieT mentioned and so on. 

Initially a large wooden hut, or even small well planned, could also be utilised for storage so as much of your living space is used as living space.   Inside you could be 'caravan living' with enough plates pans etc for daily living for you and vnm but you'd know in your hut you had the rest of the mugs and plates or whatever etc that you will enevitably need from time to time but not every day eg baking trays or casserole dishes, a few extra serving type plates (unless of course you just ask visitors to bring their own mugs lol, let themstore them at their own houses lol).  That way your smaller kitchen will give you pleasure every time you open a door to see just enough items but also have the security you didn't have to give up stuff you didn't want to.  The absolute best of both worlds. 

I'm keeping everything crossed for this to happen 🙏 

Daisy xx 

Edited to add that sounds like a very sensible way forward re the mother situation.   We did similar to my mil doctor so they knew there was more that what looked on the surface and it helped everyone 

Watty1

Well the posts here helped me think a bit more.  Thank you @daisy_1571 especially because because I was thinking yesterday oh what a shame the loaf tins that are only used once every few months will probably have to go and then I read your post and thought oh wait a moment, the feed room I am going to reconfigure could have a shelf running all the way round at just under ceiling height and then I could store pretty much everything there in plastic boxes (plastic so rodent free).  That means the 12 Prosecco party glasses, the two big coffee points, the umpteen bowls and so on could all be kept and be available when needed but wouldn't be in the kitchen.

That is another part of what could be a great plan.

The conservatory is a nice touch too.  That could go at the back nicely when the planners and building regulations folk have all gone home

The aim is to do this when the ex settles. If I do it before then I  am just adding value to a property we jointly own and whilst I really want to get on with it i don't want to be in a position where I give him more money for my idea and hard work.

That means somehow I have to get him to settle.    I have thought about writing to his solicitor and trying to suggest that if I devalue or add value to the property from here on in is up to me but I cannot see them accepting that.   Its really frustrating because I really want to get on with my new life!  

Then I will convert the barn and either rent the cottage out or sell it.  I prefer the idea of selling it and that will give me my lump retirement sum which almost replaces the pension plan house the ex has taken.    Not quite sure how I will initially fund it but I will think of some thing.  I usually do.    

LadyWithAPlan

Wow it is all go at yours. The barn conversion plans sound great!

I am sorry you are dealing with VNM Mother issues, I know you want to support him as best as possible but I would suggest also looking after yourself and your own situation first .. hopefully 2023 is the year of closure with the ex. 

Humdinger1

What does your solicitor suggest re getting ex to settle? I understand where @LadyWithAPlan is coming from but think it will be impossible to ignore the situation with VNM's mother, especially if you want to keep the relationship with him going.  It sounds worthwhile and as if he rightly values and loves you....onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx 

TallGirl

Planning talks sounds positive you can do a lot with a small space especially when you have outbuildings as well. I do hope you get a resolution to things in 2023 Making overpayments on a mortgage when not married has to come with a warning. Really opens your eyes. 

SusieT

May I suggest a length of 2"x4" to bash the ex around the head with, that may assist in attaching the brain correctly and getting him to (finally) settle    At some point surely he will get bored with his messssing around and want to move on and let go ,I just hope for your sake that it happens quickly