This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

The ex walked in yesterday as the VNM and I were eating dinner.  He switched on the TV and ate some sandwiches in front of it (made elsewhere as he didn't use the kitchen).  Looked as if he was staying put so I found the unused backgammon set I had bought a couple of years ago as a gift that didn't get given and we watched a video on how to play and had a lovely evening playing backgammon.  Lemonade from lemons there I think.  

5 am heard the ex moving around and I believe he has gone to stay with his girlfriend as he has taken his cases and toothbrush.  Also taken WattyDog.      I'm actually relieved WattyDog has gone for a few days away as it has been such a struggle giving him the walks he needs whilst trying to do everything else.

Karmacat

Watty, this is absolutely crazy that he can do this I'm sorry you're having to go through it so constantly - but at least if it feels easier that he's taken Watty Dog, that's something.  Still find it astonishing that he just *does* something like that, but if it helps you this one time, then thats something *this* time.

Watty1

i have just chatted with a friend living in a refuge and she has given me some good ideas.   I will be following up on those.    She was really helpful.  

My day did not exactly go to plan!  I have spent most of it working but not profitably at all.  The mail strike has really hit the business.  Had to refund an order that had not arrived.  Chased up a lot of other orders.  Another few have gone missing it seems, including one sent with a reputable courier.  Very frustrating

Was planning a nice evening with the VNM but his mother is having trouble breathing so he has gone to look after her.  She refuses medical help at all which is worrying. I offered to go around and take my GP pal with me and see if GP Pal can persuade the stubborn woman to see someone but that has been declined.     She had a very bad cold and chest infection and has antibiotics so I am hoping this will pass but the VNM's daughter called in and was really distressed by her grandmother so VNM to the rescue.  

I know I will get old one day, some may indeed say I am old now LOL but I will try not to cause trouble for those trying to help. I'm worried as a few years ago a good friend died from refusing medical help when she had bronchitis and that got out of hand.   

daisy_1571

Watty I wonder if you need to just accept that this is her wish and its not something you really have any jurisdiction over ?   Therfore its not something you need to worry about.   You can be sad, but you don't have to worry  I mean.

When I had the allergic reaction and could feel my throat closing I remember looking in the bathroom mirror thinking, I might die today and I'm not ready to go, but it brought it very much home to me that if you have no food or water you have some time to work out a plan.  In that moment I knew if I didn't get a breath in, there was very little time to strategise an alternative plan of action.  It felt like humans are actually extremely fragile.  That was very, very focusing. 

So i reckon if someone is having breathing issues and refuses medical help then they are quite serious about their wish. 

Daisy xx

Karmacat

So difficult dealing with an elderly mother and a (presumably) young adult daughter, especially when you've got the memory of your friend dying so much earlier than she needed to  

And the mail strike too!  What a nightmare.  Are you looking at couriers?  Mind you, I'm hearing those are overworked as well  

Slinky

@Watty1 I used to be a regular reader of your threads right back to before things went wrong with your ex, but somehow the MSE alerts stopped happening and I thought you must have stopped posting. Last night I stumbled across your thread again, and have just caught up with a year's postings (315 to be precise).

I started reading, hoping that things would be resolved by the time I had caught up, so I'm sad for you that a year later it's still dragging on. I know that I would not have your strength to deal with your circumstances and am in admiration of the way that you battle on.

I hope that 2023 brings a resolution of the issues; how much longer can this man be happy with this muddle?  You sound like you have found a keeper with the VNM, so there's better times ahead on that front.

All the best!

Watty1

@Slinky  Wow you read a years worth of postings...ah well it tis probably a bit like a soap opera around here   Thank you                

Watty1

daisy_1571 said:

Watty I wonder if you need to just accept that this is her wish and its not something you really have any jurisdiction over ?   Therfore its not something you need to worry about.   You can be sad, but you don't have to worry  I mean.

When I had the allergic reaction and could feel my throat closing I remember looking in the bathroom mirror thinking, I might die today and I'm not ready to go, but it brought it very much home to me that if you have no food or water you have some time to work out a plan.  In that moment I knew if I didn't get a breath in, there was very little time to strategise an alternative plan of action.  It felt like humans are actually extremely fragile.  That was very, very focusing. 

So i reckon if someone is having breathing issues and refuses medical help then they are quite serious about their wish. 

Daisy xx

Another great post from you Daisy. Thank you for your insights and what a scary thing to have to go through.    If it is her choice then that is ok but I worry not for her but the impact this has on her son and granddaughter.  I did suggest approaching it from the angle that if her lungs are affected she maybe needs oxygen and after they both suggested oxygen would be helpful she did agree to ask her doctor for that and VNM has promised she will not go into hospital so I will see how this unfolds over the next few weeks.  Your insights made me think.   She must be very serious.  Thank you.

Suffolk_lass

I agree with Daisy. Sometimes, elderly people have had enough. My Auntie has just died. She was allowed to go back to the residential home that she lived in, having acquired two infections in hospital after a bad fall. She was content to go and told us all that she had had enough. She died happy, in the bed she loved, in a home surrounded by staff and relatives who really loved her. She was 105. A long and happy life (wonderful, she called it), well lived, it ended in a manner of her choosing, with no further medical interventions.

Re your joint account. Make sure you use the phrase full and final settlement of your liability and ask the bank to remove you from the account and write to you and his solicitor to confirm that this has happened.

Happiness, health, resolution and greater wealth - this is what I wish for you in 2023 x

Watty1

Thanks @Suffolk_lass    I did not use those phrases.  I will write again and copy his solicitor in.

Sent dinner to VNM yesterday evening but she did not eat it as she had already eaten.   I'm taking this as a good sign, also had a chat with a GP friend and she has offered to pop in if needed.    VNM is taking his mum  to see the doctor today (she agreed using my argument that oxygen may be needed) and will spend the day with her.     Truthfully I know they wont give her oxygen as she smokes but the ruse was a good one for him to have some back up care from her doctor and also to get a sense of how things are as I am wondering if depression is playing a big role in her feeling the way she does.

Was thinking this would give me lovely time to have a relaxing time as I have the house to myself and work was quiet yesterday but feel dreadful with a UTI, its howling a gale here and the Charming Cob still needs his walk.  2022 going out the way it came ...an exhausting muddle!

Dosing self up with some stuff in the cupboard that should clear UTI in a couple of days, hopefully so can start 2023 afresh with a new and refuelled optimism..