This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Humdinger1

@Watty1 your Christmas plans sound ideal.   Quite right to put your foot down re rude mother.. what do you think her problem is or is that just what she's like? Love Humdinger xx 

Suffolk_lass

I hope VNM knows why you don't want his Mum there. It is important to be completely open about it. Did he witness it, I wonder? I would ask him to explain to her why you are not hosting her again so she knows the consequences. I wonder if an apology might follow.

My Mum was saying something about my cousin's husband not having anything to do with my Auntie (his M-i-L) - I reminded her how poisonous Auntie was when their marriage broke down and cousin divorced him - only for them to get back together and remarry, less than five years later. She did the same thing with both her other children too. One is now so private about her relationships while the other is in a relationship where all the family like her and tell Auntie how good she is for beloved son! So no bitching there!

Watty1

Yes VNM was there at the time.   He suggested we leave which we did.   I have subsequently had her to my birthday party because VNM man asked if she could come and she had just had an operation and I was feeling kind so said she could come if she was polite.  VNM apparently told her she should remember everyone at my party would like me so she should keep her opinions to herself.  I've been for a couple of "family" lunches where her brother was present.  The brother is adorable and took me to one side to say his sister would be polite because he had told her to be so and that she was, in his opinion, a bl****dy difficult woman and he was only nice to her because she was his sister! 

That made me laugh to be honest.  I think she just is old, feels vulnerable and would like her son at her beck and call.  Now he is in a relationship she has realised another woman has a claim on his time and whilst she wants him to be happy she still wants him on hand and hasn't gone about it in the best way.

Watty1

Another palaver with the ex.  The bank we have an overdraft with has made concerted efforts to get me to repay. No idea if they hassle him as much but last call was threatening debt collector and not particularly pleasant so decided to resume writing to his solicitor.
Letter 1:  I write suggesting we pay 50/50
Email from his solicitor:     Confirming acceptance of this and that I should pay by 50% let them know it has been done and ex will pay his then account can be closed

I ring bank, unfreeze account, pay my share and ask bank to contact him and tell him I have done so, ask him to pay and then to let me know this has been done.

Bank call back to say he has responded that he wants it  "left with him".   I rang bank at 11.45 pm (full marks to FD as they have competent real people to talk to even at that time)  to confirm the debt was still there and then

Letter 2:  Reminding his solicitor of the agreement and that her client had not complied.

Honestly what a (words fail me, well they do not but the censor on here will not pass them).  Am now going to call the bank and ask them where I should send copies of the letters and email from his solicitor so that I am not contacted again on this. Will copy his solicitor in on that.

His legal fees for this palaver are probably equal to the amount he owes the bank!   Am thankful I am not paying a solicitor!

Watty1

Christmas Eve.  Feel a little maudlin re ex.  Remembering good times.   I suppose everyone goes through this.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 indeed they do.  By the time you read this, you'll probably have remembered the bad bits...do you want to go back there darling? Xx

daisy_1571

Its lovely to remember the good times.  It's definitely that time of year where thoughts go back to previous times. If they bring you pleasure or comfort go ahead. 

But don't confuse the man of many many years ago with the man still in your life now.  His behaviour and lack of any common decency surely means you should not have any soft thoughts towards Present Ex.  Present Ex has swindled you out your pension,  removed your piece of mind and pleasure in your life, taken or broken your possessions,  pops in and out (of morally) your house simply because his name on papers makes him feel he has a right to, doesn't get on with instructions from solicitors leaving you hanging on his whims, in fact deliberately obstructs the solicitors, sits in a room where you are seeing your pals like a spectre at the feast etc etc etc right up to his most recent 'leave it with me' regarding the bank account, its likely that account will still be open next July imho.

I'm not saying this to be rotten, just a reminder that Past Ex, the good man who you trusted and planned a life with can be mourned, as you are also mourning Past You.  But Present  Ex, the one who cheated, lied and stole deserves nothing from you. 

Just my opinion, feel free to ignore.

Have a good Xmas in your new life with positive pleasant people and things going on.  Take your moment to look back then set your thoughts firmly on a future where he isn't lurking around and you are happy and content.

Much love winging towards you and watty dog 

Daisy xxx

apple_muncher

Lots of love to you, watty xxx My boojabooja chocolates said: When choices arise, try going with what feels lightest. Wishing you a very light 2023.

apple x

Watty1

@Humdinger1 sometimes I think I do but I don't really know why.  I think I am just a bit soft and hanker after a happy ending although then I put the reality over that and see that there is no happy ending and I am just in this for the long haul.

@daisy_1571 that was jut the perfect post to read.  I hadn't really got over my maudlin thoughts and then I read your post and you put it so perfectly I think I should print that out and stick it in a journal.   You nailed it because current ex and past ex are two entirely different people.

Ex didn't return. I had a lovely peaceful day but then got anxious and couldn't sleep. I know that his because I'm wondering when ex will re-appear.  He didn't and I finally fell asleep after watching TV and munching bowls of breakfast cereal.  Ed turned up around 7.00 made himself breakfast and went out again with WattyDog.

Planning on spending much of the day on the yard with the horses.  All good do with a good groom and the place needs a tidy up. It has been a bit of a grab and go and focus on nursing the charming cob and I'd like it to get back to being less disorganised and messy.

Honeysucklelou2

Glad that your horse is on the mend and come through the operation.

I remember someone posting on a diary here that we can mourn for the loss of the relationship and what we hoped for the future. Seeing it as a form of grief helped me to process some of the thoughts I’d had at various points.

You have my utmost sympathy…living in a situation where your ex wanders in and out at will is hard work…been there. My ex used to wander in when I was at work, which made me feel even more anxious. Thankfully since the consent order went though in January  this behaviour has become much less. It was a battle to get the consent order, so hang in there. I know it’s hard going, some men seem to delight in being as obtuse as possible but this season will pass. Thinking of you…