This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

Thank you both so much.  I managed a very early night and a great sleep Tuesday and felt a lot better Wednesday.  

The ex breezed in Wednesday and took WattyDog as tho this was all quite normal.  Was feeling slightly rattled by this so the VNM suggested we put up fairy lights.  He seems to believe that fairy lights are the answer to a lot of things and now the cottage and the stables are festooned with fairy lights.   Not sure what this will do to the energy bill but they are lovely to look at.  Purchased some solar lights for a garden tree, and they are surprisingly good (only last a couple of hours on an overcast day but blaze away for 8 hours on a sunny day).   

He also put up some shelves in my "dumping room" by the stables. Posh folk might call this a "tack room" but it is honestly a dumping ground.  Once the shelves were done, I did a little gentle tidying, and this prompted a think about what I would like my life to be like.    I've decided I like the idea of gardening but don't really want to do much in my future, so I boxed up all the plant pots and pea sticks and labels and gave away and sold the propagator on Faceb00k.  No selling fees and sold to a lovely lady who remembered the entire history of the cottage as she had lived in the area as a child and for 50 years..   What a lovely catch up.   Nice win all round.

Farrier came today for horse pedicure and new pony did not need doing so that was a nice cheap visit.  He handled new pony as per my request to get the little chap used to farrier visits but no charge. Further win.

Overall life is good I just get so down by the stress of the ex I think.  

daisy_1571

Watty

That is completely understandable so for now, just accept the stress. Anyone would be somewhere between stressed and tipped over the edge with what you're dealing with.  So whilst you can't change it, you can accept it which will go some way towards making it easier to wash over you.  You have been through all the emotions of the breakup but aren't being allowed to move on emotionally due to his unpredictable in and out.  This is exhausting for you so thats what I mean you to accept.   Not his behaviour.   If you see what I mean. 

I know what id love to advise: several large friends paying him a late night visit, making his life 'unpredictable' whilst living in the house ie breaking or chucking his stuff, removing his food, making his room unpleasant with no light bulbs, damp bedding, fish under the bed, unexpected noise or light during the night oh I could go on but I believe from your posts any retaliation like this would just ramp up his reactions.  And while you are not planning on leaving the country, I just don't think its worth your stress of being on even more constant alert.  If you do decide to leave the country oh the fun you could have that last week...........slightly evil grin   

Take care 

Daisy xx

Watty1

I do indeed see what you mean @daisy_1571     As for the large men, he would immediately be on the phone to the police and I half think he might be expecting that.  I'd just end up with more bother to deal with.

The boyfriend ordered a Christmas Tree for me as a surprise gift.  It is now up in the living room. It came with berries and fir cones already wired on and he has repaired an old set of fairy lights found in the "dumping ground"  It looks really nice. I might pop into the loft later and see if I can find a few baubles to add.  The baubles were mine before the relationship with ex so that will be a nice re-connect (smile) as they have not been used since WattyDog arrived.  The ex and I always had a real tree and that has been considered too much of a "high risk strategy" with WattyDog and feral cat.    This one is small and neat and I like it:)

Watty1

Heard from local MP.  I wrote to her after the government published a white paper on the inequality between married and co-habiting women when the relationship breaks down.  After maybe 3 months my MP advises me that "that the Government is currently considering the recommendations in the report and will make an announcement in due course"

I think that is political speak for going to get lost in the dusty halls of Whitehall.  Sigh. I was not expecting much but I think a personalised letter would be better than this. I responded to say that I was very disappointed that she had taken 3 months to tell me something i already knew and that I was hoping for more, such as when an announcement might be made, and to connect with the injustice and inequality.

I made the point that if married women and unmarried women were given the same rate of pay for the same job there would be outcry, yet cohabitees are treated so very differently on relationship breakdown, and no-one seems enraged by this.    For goodness' sake dear readers if you are unmarried and female "put a ring on it" or get a legally drawn up agreement of what happens on separation.   Please!

Watty1

Been quiet as Charming Cob came down with colic at 11.00 pm nearly 2 weeks ago. Luckily, if such things can be said to be lucky, he was on a diet so was having his late-night hay at that time. He was standing and looking forward to hay, 5 mins later crashed to ground. His breathing obviously laboured and clearly in a lot of distress.  Vet called and she remained concerned so in the early hours of the Sunday morning we transferred him to an equine hospital where i was told the stomach was blocked and it was highly unlikely to clear. My options were to "chance it" which would probably mean he would get weaker and weaker and more stressed which would make surgery harder or surgery.

I opted for surgery.  He really is the most perfect horse and I wanted to give him a chance.  Since then it has been a rollercoaster journey with very down moments where I wondered if I had made the right choice and some highs.   He was discharged from the hospital 3 days ago and is doing really well at home.  I am delighted.  He has to remain in his stable now for 8 weeks to allow the surgery to heal and then can have very limited trips out for the next 4 weeks but after 3 months he should be healed.  I can take him for walks for a few mins each day and we are both enjoying those.

On the MSE side this has been a very expensive time.  I've not had the bill but I know roughly what to expect, and I am happily confident I can pay it because (a) I have money in premium bonds for an emergency fund and (b) the rest of the money will just come from that I have saved for settling with the Troll.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 wonderful! Sounds like an all-round fab solution! Further details please if you're happy to share? Love Humdinger xx 

Karmacat

I'm very glad to hear that Charming Cob has pulled through - and that you can hack the expense, the illness and the cure are both difficult financially and medically.  Lovely that he's enjoying his walks with you.

Watty1

Thanks both.  It has also been difficult emotionally.   I got up and fed the horses this morning, mucked out and then came in for a cup of tea and was so exhausted I just went back to bed.  Slept for another 2 hours.

Thinking about £££££ vet bill, I realised as well as selling stuff and working hard on business for income I need to chase outstanding business money.  Found that £1782 was overdue so began chasing yesterday evening and £197 of that now paid up.  

Sold the cold frame last night.    Listed a saw bench on Facebook.  (A tractor driven thing that chops up wood).  The ex left in the barn when he moved stuff out.   I think it might be too cheap as have someone very keen and this morning I remembered we paid around the £600 mark for it and I only put it up for £450.  Not sure what to do about that. I'm also not sure about the reasonability of selling things that belong to the "both of us"    Thoughts anyone?

ajmoney

It speaks volumes that you are considering the reasonability of selling joint things.  While it should not be about "he did so I am doing", don't forget bout your OPs and all the things that were yours beforehand that he has taken.  I guess it depends if you want to remain reasonable.  How about keeping half of everything you sell to one side that you can give him should he ask for it?

Humdinger1

Yep, agree with everything @ajmoney suggests and the underlying rationale.