This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

Architect for "the project" has been.  Great chat.  So excited I felt sick and couldn't eat lunch. If this comes off so many of my dreams would be fulfilled and I would be properly back on my feet financially too.  And properly independent.   Once her drawings are in it will be over to a pre-planning meeting.

The feedback from pre-planning will inform what I do with the last set of demands from ex. Am still ignoring those.  It could go either way hence the feeling sick and unable to eat.

Humdinger1

Ooh, exciting @Watty1...I'm now on tenterhooks for further and better particulars; only as much as you feel you'd like to share and in your own time, of course.  Standing by love Humdinger xx 

Karmacat

It does sound agonising to be faced with this uncertainty, and an ex actively working against you.  Your architect sounds really good!

Watty1

Thank you both.  I will share more as we progress. I'm sort of scared of jinxing anything just yet.  

The ex is away so there was no need for a complex cover story for the architect.  

I have sat and chatted to friends and come up with a partial strategy for his return.    Just before he went away, he deliberately broke 3 of the new mugs I had bought. Now you all know I bought them at the village safari and so they were not expensive but that is not the point. I liked the mugs.  I paid for them.     Inexplicably he kept leaving them in the bathroom and so I returned them to his room from whence they had come.  His reaction was to deliberately break them.  I asked why he had not put them in the dishwasher, and he said because it was full.     I said that was no excuse for breaking my mugs and left the room.   

Definitely not looking forward to his return at the weekend.  A week of being here alone has been lovely (nice boyfriend been around and friends too but just the joy of not having him about is fantastic). 

Ramouth

It sounds like a difficult living situation and must be very draining.  It sounds like you are doing a good job of staying calm though.  Do you have any idea on how far the Ex’s project has come?  Do you think he might be ready to leave soon?  Or is he staying just to be difficult?

Chrystal

Can I ask why he had your mugs in his bedroom in the first place, ie why is he using your things, and why you would put them back there?

Watty1

Chrystal said:

Can I ask why he had your mugs in his bedroom in the first place, ie why is he using your things, and why you would put them back there?

He uses them!  I put them back in there because he left them, dirty, in the bathroom.  he should not be using them, instead he should be using the jointly owned ones but so many of them got broken that I bought more (I was at the point I didn't have enough for friends to us).   I really was not going to carry them from the bathroom downstairs and clean them so I just put them back in his room.  

That backfired though (sigh).

Since I have been back, he uses anything I have from cooking oil, washing up liquid, toilet rolls and so on.  I could keep it all in my room and lock the door but frankly that would be too depressing.  However, typing this up I realised I should add a line on the expenses spreadsheet to cover household items just like this.   I wonder what a reasonable amount would be per month????

Watty1

Lovely weekend but now seem very depressed today.   Been very tearful.  Got up early and took charming cob out and unusually for him he completely refused to go past a field on the bridlepath.  He spun and huffed and snorted and was clearly frightened of something.  It was his first night in too last night after months of living out so maybe that contributed to him being on his toes.

After a few mins of fighting, I gave up and returned the way I had come and went a different route. He was still very reluctant to go past the field from the other side (one side is bridlepath and the other road).  Very unlike him.

Back at work it is one of those days when everything seems a struggle. I should go running with the club this evening but I'm thinking of an instant meal and an early night with my library book.    

Hoping tomorrow will be better.  Have a night out later this week with a pal who is a GP and I might just ask her if she thinks I should see my GP re the depression.   I always steer clear of asking her anything as I think that is very unfair and actually, I just realised as I wrote that that if I am thinking of asking her then I do need to seem my GP re this depression.  I'll go and call the surgery now.

Karmacat

Sometimes, if you fight what's going on, it gets worse - I've felt like that today.  And you have a *lot* more on your plate than I do.  Be kind to yourself  

LadyWithAPlan

I think the fact he has escalated to breaking your things is a worry, please be safe and report it to someone including solicitors.
Feeling unsettled and unsafe in your own home  is definitely not helping your MH.

I would actually get a food cupboard and lock it - tell him your food is your food and charge him for what he uses - he needs to feel unwelcome and move out - cant you find him a girlfriend he can go and live with?