This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

Lovely time with girlfriend.  That was fun.  We noisily enjoyed partying with fizz and a curry and invited the ex to join in which he of course declined but he had his girlfriend on speaker phone so that clearly set the proverbial cat among the pigeons.

Have felt very down since her departure. So much so I have considered going back to the doctor for anti-depressants.  I might yet do that but a starting point has to be giving up all alcohol and eating properly and getting proper sleep.   Been on that programme for the weekend. Can't say I feel much better but it is only 3 days in (impatient little thing I am).

Yesterday motivated self a bit. Went for a ride then helped the boyfriend who had very nicely chopped up some wood. Now I have something to burn in the word burner this winter without buying anything.    The friendly farmer gave me a number for a man with a woodchipper so all the scruff from the tree the neighbour allowed me to take down can be chipped (£200).  Bit put out at the price as I'm convinced the neighbour never mentioned the chipping at the time.  Chap is also going to bring over his log splitter and for a further £60 will turn the fatter rounds into logs.   I've decided to keep these as they will add to the stuff that can be burnt.   Although if neighbour mentions these I will simply say he needs to pay for the log splitting. I paid for the tree to come down and said if he wanted the wood he could have it.  I never said I would give him a pile of neatly cut logs!  

Am convinced it can all be sorted out amicably and with luck will have enough wood for the winter so the heating is not really needed.

Alchemilla

We're doing 30 days no booze, started yesterday. Let's do it together!

Watty1

Alchemilla said:

We're doing 30 days no booze, started yesterday. Let's do it together!

Yes ok, I'm in.

Watty1

Alchemilla said:

We're doing 30 days no booze, started yesterday. Let's do it together!

Slipped up already and had 3 glasses of fizz.  This is substantially less than usual so I'm going to say I am still on track which is a blatant lie but at least I have confessed!  Still not drinking really !

Watty1

Not doing too well on the alcohol free @Alchemilla  Wondering if i have a problem with alcohol or just with the ex.   Sigh

The water bill saga continues. It has been put in the hand of the debt collectors. I rang to explain the position and ask advice only to discover the account had been "put on hold" while the ex sends in proof he lives elsewhere.      Obviously, he can supply said proof on account of having another house.  I was agog!    

Superb customer service from the debt collector call centre agent who chatted to me about domestic abuse, manipulation and so on.  Read out the statement she was putting on file and told me I could always ask the police to check it.  I said I would pay the bill just to get out of the muddle, but she suggested the money was better in my bank at the moment and to sit tight. 

I am still aghast at the man.  He says he no longer lives in the house we jointly own.    The question I am asking myself now is will he be returning here then this evening after work. Of course I know he will.   I am so sick of this.

Watty1

Most concerning happenings here at Chez Watty.   The ex lives elsewhere so the debt collector says and yet a man - just like the ex - came into the house using a key, made a meal, sat at the dining table and ate it.  I was reading.  I said good evening - like one does in polite society and the man sounded just like the ex.  I went out to feed the horses and when I came back the man had gone.  I went upstairs and saw a light on in a spare room and the man was in there!

This is most odd.  The ex does not live here, I know that because the debt collecting agency told me.  Yet someone is living here.      All I can do now is laugh at my situation.  And in a fantasy moment look at houses in Cumbria as thinking I might move out of the South East.

I had a lovely chat on the phone with a girlfriend, made a cocoa and went to bed.  Milk seems to have gone up but it is cheaper than wine, so I'll stick with an evening cocoa for now.  

My life really is bizarre.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 might it be worth contacting the police again; from memory they were very empathetic and I wonder if this behaviour qualifies as coercive control? As well as making only you liable for bills he's helping to run up? Worth getting their view perhaps? Love Humdinger xx 

maggiem

I think I'd be tempted to photograph with a date and time stamp and send to the debt collection agency but then again I'm not a nice person 😂😂

LadyWithAPlan

maggiem said:

I think I'd be tempted to photograph with a date and time stamp and send to the debt collection agency but then again I'm not a nice person 😂😂

I am with you here.  I definitely would be keeping a diary of every day/night he is there - if necessary by photographing his car outside as your phone would timestamp it. At least then the next time a solicitor gets involved you can say he has spent X nights here in the last x period so he needs to pay x of all bills. If you have the proof then its much easier.

@Watty1 honestly I would be drinking a LOT in your situation. I also would have got very very angry when he sat there having lied to the debt collector. Keep noting all his dodgy behaviours  and the time/date - this is mental cruelty and a track record is important.

Dont worry this will eventually be a mad bad distant memory and I can guarantee he is the loser here and in his heart he knows he is a creep.  You will be fine,  as long as you are physically safe as well - 

Watty1

Good advice here as always.  I've popped on Amaz0n and bought a cheap academic year diary and will start to keep a record of everything he says and does. I have been so fed up I have just accepted the rubbish situation but reading these replies has motivated me to keep a diary.  Thank you all.  The comments motivated me to actually do something.

The financial picture is complicated as I did tackle his solicitor about the bills and he/they said I must take it from the rental property income.  Theoretically this does cover the bills however it was supposed to be my pension plan. He however says I was only to have it as a pension if we stayed together and as I was unable to prove beyond doubt that I had bought it then it is half his.   Then again it was a voluntary hearing and I accepted the outcome but it has not actually been tested in court so I realise I do not have to accept the outcome.  

I will contact the solicitor who acted for me after the arrest and see if he has the details of the police officer and go back to him for a chat. That was a good thought too.