This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

LadyWithAPlan

I am pleased you are taking your power back. The diary for all his behaviour and photos definitely outside a bedroom window to time stamp his car being there daily) 

This is what happens - it’s easier to give up as they grind you down. I’d definitely look at the pension side - it’s super important 

You are fierce, strong and brilliant, he is like a Gollum saying ‘precious ’ and trying to claim everything for himself - there is no logic here so you have to do what’s best for you 

Humdinger1

At least Gollum eventually redeemed himself.  Didn't he jump into the Cracks of Doom with The Precious, which melted it down? Perhaps we may yet see a parallel, though not a literal one of course....you are a wonderful woman @Watty1 and please remember that.   Love Humdinger xx 

ajmoney

Definitely do not accept that answer, he needs to pay too!

Wishing you well Watty and sending hugs x

Watty1

Thanks for the support.  Diary started.   Letting agent for rental rang, he has been in touch with them asking them to hold the rent or to give him 50%.  Letting agent checked land registry and then rang me as they were unsure what to do. I calmly explained part of the whole sorry story then suggested that the Management Contract was with me as was the Tenancy Agreement and his name has never been on either so the agreement was with me, and they would probably be in default of the agreement if they did either option.  

I suggested they say it was a private matter and he should talk to his solicitor who should talk to mine.   I was also very apologetic that they should have had to put up with him.  

I am going to speak to him and say I will pay the water bill and start giving him half the rent if he (a) leaves or (b) pays half the bills   Talking to him is obviously pointless but at least I will have tried a sensible resolution and I will write to his solicitor saying the same.

Humdinger1

As ever, I am full of admiration for you dearest @Watty1.  Your reasonable, documented stance will stand you in excellent stead if (when?!) it comes to court.   Sorry to mention it but I think it looks likely...you are prepared however and will be able to show his unreasonable behaviour.   Love Humdinger xx 

Watty1

more stupidity at chez Watty.  The house troll still very much in evidence despite his Sunday evening repeated conversation that he does not live here.   Umm...says I are you cooking your dinner?  Yes says the troll.   Where did you sleep all week I ask and the troll replies here.  Where did you have your breakfast says I?  And the troll replies here!   I look thoughtful and say sounds like you live here then!  

He immediately replies that my boyfriend is around a lot and at what point does he go from visiting as a guest to living here.  Hmm I reply well probably when you move out!

Rang domestic advice helpline today as I just needed someone to reassure me that I am not going mad and I am using logic in an illogical world, or at least, the troll is not logical.

Watty1

In other news a lovely weekend, charming cob and I went out for a potter, he is still lame but off to vets at the end of the week, evening with girlfriends Friday and Saturday and a lovely lunch out with friends on Sunday.  A coffee morning with a local horse training on Saturday finished it off and, wahoo I won a raffle price of sunscreens for equines (a brand I use) and the prize was more than the value of the tickets for the event (which were used for the raffle) so a very MSE coffee morning and the cakes were yummy ...

Will also be getting the trainer out to do a session with the new little Fell pony as I have now realised whilst he is perfect as nanny to Most Handsome when I am out on the Charming Cob, however young Fell knows nothing, and I mean nothing so I think the trainer who was just so lovely and kind might be a good start for young Fell (especially as all I have taught him so far is to eat headcollars

Humdinger1

@Watty1 you are doing exactly the right things.  Part of him, at some level, seems reluctant to move on from your relationship, but that ship has sailed.  It will be interesting to see what the helpline has to say.  Keep going, you have so got this.  Onwards and upwards love Humdinger xx

LadyWithAPlan

I think you need to treat him like someone who is incapable of rational thought and action, or being truthful. 

The quicker you accept it then the quicker you can start acting 100% in your best interest - so recording his behaviour, taking pics of his car as evidence ..
I wouldn’t be making any deals with him as he doesn’t honour you or them. 

Maybe write out 3 solutions that work for you and decide given who he is what is best route for you and how long you are prepared to give to this. 

Good you in touch with helpline and please record who you spoke to and when etc. 

Watty1

I do like @LadyWithAPlan idea of 5 solutions and take it from there.   Will put some thought into that and come up with my five.

Helpline super helpful if only to confirm I am not crazy.   Followed up with the police who say it is a civil matter, privately agree it is control but say the CPS won't act unless it is really clear-cut control, so, for example controlling what I can wear and when.    Followed up with local MP on the inequality point re cohabitees and marrieds and my letter is now with the Ministry of Justice and MP will chase up a response presumably when she has finished partying in Birmingham.  

In other matters am doing an excellent course on Recession Proofing the business.  Supposed to be an hour a day but I have learnt so much about business terms and conditions I will be re-writing mine.  Course includes lots of templates etc so feeling confident about that.