This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Humdinger1

Yes Watty; he's not used to you taking care of yourself and not him.  What he's done with the water bill is the same fraud as with the house but on a smaller scale.   This is the new you emerging from your chrysalis. 

gallygirl

Watty just caught up on the last few months. What a knob/!!!!!! etc he is. Sounds to me like there is an agreement in there once he drops from being 100% knob/!!!!!! to merely 95%. Fingers crossed (and also hooves crossed for Most Handsome).

Hope this may make you smile a little. When ex-hubby and I split up he bought me out of the house and we did a spreadsheet as you have done to divide furniture. I let him have his choice of everything but said jokingly he should have put the built-in dishwasher on there and he threw an absolute fit and refused. That evening after dinner (we were still in the same house at the time) there was a strange creaking noise - and the door of the dishwasher fell off, having rusted away at the hinges. It amused me more than it amused him for some reason......

Karma works BTW. I was trying to be fair when I raised the subject of his pension (a decent benefit was accruing, even years ago). He said if I made a claim on it he'd claim on my tiny civil service pension "as a matter of principle". I told him to stuff it. We separated with a legal agreement for him to pay x maintenance and he paid it. Till his divorce came through, then he stopped it as apparently "I had more money than him". I had to get a better paid job which impacted on time with children but ultimately led me to a very lucrative career. I saved & invested in btl's with new OH and retired at 53, six years ago. Ex is now 64 and still working part time as he apparently can't afford to retire. Karma's a !!!!!!........

Watty1

Thank you all for your lovely support, cheerleading and reminding me of stuff that happened that I tend to forget as it is all so awful.  Most Handsome home from horse hospital and after a worrying couple of days where he did not eat enough he seems to have picked up and now is almost back to full health.   I on the other hand have finally succumbed to a bug which I suppose was inevitable and have been spending my time at the house because I now feel to ill to go anywhere.     Think drinking Prosecco on Friday night at the Opera with the girls did not help as I felt ill when I got back. VNM spent firework evening at the cottage so I could go to Opera, leaving about 9.30 and I got back at 11.00 pm so I could check horses were ok.  Staggered to bed and have been there pretty much ever since.  

The ex used to go out before I arrived to work and was often not at house when I returned.   Whilst staying at house because of Most Handsome I noticed he left around 6.30 am and returned around 7.30 pm.  After a few days I realised he was not using the shower and on looking around I discovered he doesn't have toothbrush at the cottage.  Leading me to suspect he actually has somewhere else to live and is playing a very odd game here indeed.

In car news I will continue to share VNM car as the 4 wheel drive lovely car I found has had to be put on hold while I sort finances out to pay hospital bills for Most Handsome and probably another bill from solicitor for doing very little in this last month other than chase someone who says he wants to settle but then ignores letters/offers to do so.

Watty1

Was content on sofa instead of working as still feel ill when the ex returned.  so much for my hope he has somewhere else to live. 
Have realised it is not going to work keeping the horses at the cottage and working from same place whilst living 30 mins away.  I really like my rental, it is warm, very safe and feels friendly and like home so I don't want to change that.  The people I rent from are lovely and found me furniture etc when I moved in so I didn't have to have the "goods and chattels" chat with the ex.   So I'm going to stay there.
But I really want to live a better version of my life than this mess so time for a plan.  I've decided to give it until the end of this week and if still no offer forthcoming in response to mine will put staggered plan into place. In stages, the plan involves moving all my stuff out, moving my horses, moving my business and finding a house share for my part of the house.  Will probably take about 6 weeks in stages and will be expensive but I cannot go on living in limbo.  This is hardly living my "best life".   If I can at least find someone to rent a room and share the house then I can recoup some cash).

I am acting as though there will not be an offer and so as as a starting point I have engaged a PA service to answer the business phone and they start 8th December.   And I have found out how to access the work computer remotely so initially it will be as though I work here but mostly will not be here.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 that is a good plan! I think going to warm, nurturing places is just the job right now, away from toxins and towards pleasure.   Remind me; if you don't mind, are you coming back to your current place once all sorted? Keep going, you are indeed moving towards your best life.  Love Humdinger xx 

Slinky

Please make sure that whoever you rent a room out to isn't somebody your ex could form a relationship with. The lodger turning into the lover really isn't something you want to add into the situation.

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 that is a good plan! I think going to warm, nurturing places is just the job right now, away from toxins and towards pleasure.   Remind me; if you don't mind, are you coming back to your current place once all sorted? Keep going, you are indeed moving towards your best life.  Love Humdinger xx 

Yes that is the plan.  for long term reasons - meaning I have a plan that could bring freedom if it comes off - I do want to buy this place.  Plus my horses are settled here, I have friends in the village, a running club nearby and my business has been based here for 10 years.  It is why I stayed where the affair came to light. I really thought I could make it work.   Of course it takes two to do that and there was really only me pushing the load uphill.   As you indeed cautioned it may be back then.

If I were not so keen to buy the place i would have given up and let him put the house on the market. I may yet have to but there faint whiff of hope makes me battle onwards as I have an outrageous plan  that might be doable.   (smile)

Watty1

Slinky said:

Please make sure that whoever you rent a room out to isn't somebody your ex could form a relationship with. The lodger turning into the lover really isn't something you want to add into the situation.

For some reason this struck me as very funny indeed.    Also a sensible caution I think .....

Slinky

Watty1 said:

Slinky said:

Please make sure that whoever you rent a room out to isn't somebody your ex could form a relationship with. The lodger turning into the lover really isn't something you want to add into the situation.

For some reason this struck me as very funny indeed.    Also a sensible caution I think .....

It was said slightly tongue in cheek; there are elements of farce about the way he is handling things.  Do you have a Not-VNM who you could get to live there for a while?

LadyWithAPlan

Just popping in to see your Ex's sheningans continue to horrify all normal balanced human beings!

He is probably scared as once you are gone and he has no control you will fly, these tricks are there to keep hooks in us. Manipulation and narcissism are hard habits to break it seems.  I remember telling a cheating ex to not call or text me anymore as I needed time to heal and he said 'Can I email you then?'
He then ignored me anyway and I would randomly get sent pics of the two of us loved up and him adding  away on vacation saying 'this was the best time of my life with you'.. and of course the obligatory ' I am now single, have stopped drinking' text as if that would change my view of his betrayal - looking back now I can  smile at his insane conflicting, non respectful behaviour despite being so broken hearted, his shenanigans meant it took longer to heal.

As long as you dont lose any legal ground by moving out I think renting out your room is a good idea. He may be awful though to them and they will leave so don't overplan your financial strategy.. Having said that the more you give yourself room to breathe, space away from him and him to continue like a small child then the more you will heal and he will realise his behaviour does not impact you in the same way. His mental health and issues sound very damaging to be honest, get far away and stay there til you can move back in in peace. It also gives you time to breathe and at some point he will have to get moving. 

I agree with @gallygirl karma always wins out (and I love the imagine of the dishwasher collapsing as they talked)  As I said before you are the one with the responsible OP and financial habits so you will get back on your feet just fine.

Definition of past karma is look at  how your life is now, if you want to know what your future Karma is look at your actions now. Says it all really.  Just keep on saving hard and focusing and I am sure you will be able to finally get your home back with ease.

As per @Slinky fun suggestion I would put a person of the opposite sex to which he is attracted to in the rental, less room for yet more crazy by the sounds of it. Or maybe a couple with a loud dog


On the car I had a Honda for years, it was so reliable, they tend to have the least call outs for car issues/car breakdown  I believed certainly at one point - I would definitely have one again. 

Hope the horse is better, you always need a huge EF for any horses but I am sure you budget and for you it is a wise choice.