This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Humdinger1

Watty1 said:

Slinky said:

Oh dear........

Am I right in recalling that he had an affair? Are they still 'together'?

No.  She had to go.  Apparently wanted to much attention and didn't realise he wasn't planning to leave me anytime soon.  As the result of that affair he and I wasted a lot of money on pointless couple counselling which Humdinger rightly cautioned against at the time.

The new girlfriend is apparently working a minimum wage job and living in a rented house that is poorly maintained but he is helping fix up so I'm sure she is appropriately grateful for such a nice wealthy man.  He has explained (I've heard him on the phone) that I am a dreadful uncaring harpy who treated him very very shabbily and he is delighted to have met someone with so much love to share.

Honestly I don't think I could make this rubbish up LOL

@watty1 I'm so sorry that my prognostications of gloom were justified!  It's a while back now but was I saying that though I think counselling can be really valuable, it just enabled my ex to justify appalling behaviour that undermined our daughter? Anyhow, it did allow me to move on without thinking I hadn't explored all avenues and you may well find the same.  I'm happy with a wonderful man now and am sure it will be the same for you.  My ex really regrets it now...I can see parallels love Humdinger xx 

Watty1

Spot on Humdinger.  You can always take up fortune telling as you were spot on

The electronics on the mini key have failed so I have just had a quote for around £300 to fix.  Horrified I said I would think it over.  I think I will just put up with them not working.  The car works just fine.  Will see if VNM has a suggestion when I see him later.

Have cleared some stuff from loft.  There was a few old prints up there that I suspect the ex wanted as he has previously referred to wanting the artwork in the house.  I have removed a number of the prints to my rental and have hung a few that I don't want in the room he is using.  I had all the prints prior to meeting him so there are mine for sure and a quick look on ebay informs me that he can buy his own identical for £30 to £70 so they are not worth much at all.    Also removed a standard lamp that was my grandmothers.  Have found superb place to make a lampshade for this lamp when I finally settle.  Very 1920s and I would have ordered already but not sure on colour scheme of the house I will be living in.  Not wanting to prejudge I will look on bay of E and see if I can find a cheap second-hand shade instead to last for a while.

Slinky

Would a lampshade survive being delivered to you?  We tried twice to buy a 2.8 meter roller blind for OH's office via the net as we couldn't get one that long from a standard shop. First one got bent in transit, so did its replacement. Gave up in the end and got our money back, and fitted two off the shelf blinds in his office instead.

Watty1

A good point re lampshade.   The postage all seemed so high shall pop into somewhere at some point and purchase.

Just spoke to my solicitor and told her that her latest letter was too weak and asked her if we could try for an occupation order but apparently they are too hard to get in covert control cases and the bullying he is doing, and the lack of response all count as covert control but without a sympathetic judge I will most likely lose.  She referred to it as throwing good money after bad.  I didn't point out that all the money I've throw at this so far as gone bad and has been on her advice.   Restrained of me I thought.

Anyway apparently occupation orders are very difficult.    And it is too hard and too expensive to force the sale of the property too which was my other option.

Right so what can I do?  Well we could go back and make an increased offer.  Yes says I but you advised against that last week.  Long silence.  i wait and finally she says we are running out of options.   Right offer I say and she prevaricates about how much. Just give him what he wants and get that land agreement signed but dont agree if there is no land agreement.   She faffs and finally I say if we agree the money what sanctions do we have if he refuses the sign the land agreement for another 6 months.

Well she says we can write a strongly worded letter

I was on the verge of tears but for some reason that did make me laugh.  Strongly worded letters is the best the system has to offer makes it indeed a very poor system.    I did manage to say that not a lot of good in my opinion.

Ended with suggesting she reach out to his solicitor on the phone and see if a bit of human contact can find out what the game is.  I suspect there is none other than break Watty financially and emotionally!

Only to find his solicitor does not work Friday and so the whole thing kicked into yet another week.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 b*gger! Is it worth talking to that barrister you mentioned again? S/he may have some more ideas? You will get through this Watty xx

Watty1

After a few calls with my solicitor - well lets just add to the bill shall we - I have a new plan.   Give him everything he wants.
Then he has to settle and leave me alone.
He however does not know this new plan because his solicitor is not returning calls either.  Clearly she has been given instruction to ignore mine. 
As part of trying to get him to settle I am not seeing the VNM as the ex requested I did not (well at least I'm not seeing him so that the ex knows).  I know it is manipulative of the ex but he said he would be more inclined to settle.  I'm doing everything and still he does not respond.

Slinky

I hope I'm wrong, but I think you could offer him the moon on a stick and he will still mess you about.

Humdinger1

Watty I'm so sorry to read this.  Why should you not see VNM? It's not allowed to set conditions like this in wills and it's coercive control which is deffo illegal. Is it worth getting advice elsewhere, maybe that barrister or a colleague; maybe on the legal beagles website where it's free from experts? The ideal would be to reverse it so that he has to worry that you'll never sign off.  Your current solicitor sounds a bit resigned.  If you PM me I can give you details of the one I used in my divorce; rich husbands are scared of him.  Love Humdinger xx 

Humdinger1

Oh and just to say Watty1; my lawyer got an excellent settlement for a friend of mine when she broke up with a boyfriend; not a certificate in sight.  Sorry don't mean to be bossy but I'm furious at the situation.   100% on your side.  

Watty1

PM Sent Humdinger.

Conversation with the ex this evening as I stayed at the house to work late.    After 6 weeks he has begun to look for a lawyer to talk through the overage agreement and as got as far as ring the chaps in the village solicitors but they have yet to ring back.   His lawyer has been instructed not to return calls or answer letters in order to keep his costs down.  This seemingly did not occur to my solicitor who has written and rung - thus running up a bill for me.   Ex further informed me that it is not 6 weeks but 3 as he cannot be expected to deal with these matters whilst on holiday and it is not really a priority for him.  If I read this on anyone else diary I'd think I had stumbled into a soap opera it is all so bizarre.

In other news the reason I'm working late is that i had a lovely afternoon yesterday. Afternoon tea at a super posh hotel locally gifted to me by a friend. I really enjoyed her company and realised we are much better friends than I thought we were.  Fabulous afternoon.    And then I took a couple of hours off today to have lunch with VNM in local village and to do a spot of shopping.  Purchased cards to support the local village church and a secret santa gift in the local shop. It was over the set budget but I absolutely loved it and I'm sure the receipt will.  Then popped into another local shop to buy card and gift wrap followed by a trip into the charity shop where a lampshade was found for £5.  Really too small but will do for now.  Happy with that little lot and so nice to support the local village.