This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Watty1

Slinky said:

With regards the animals, whose name are they registered with at the vets and on any pet insurance?

WattyDog is insured and microchipped in my name and registered with vet in my name although ex has been buying his dog food and paying his vet bills
Horses are registered and insured in my name
Cat microchip is in my name and registered at vet in my name

As regards the rest I spoke to him yesterday and suggested it was really not worth paying solicitors to sort out a few secondhand bits of furniture and if he was insisting on going that route he could have the lot other than stuff I came into the relationship with. He bluffed for a bit and then said his usual that he did not know what to do so I suggested we simply go into a room toss a coin to see who goes first and pick until everything is either gone or no one wants.

He would prefer a spreadsheet.  I might just do one. Will be easier than spending the day with him sifting through the debris of life.

There is very little I really want. I think I could replace it all easily second hand to be honest.  He did ask what I had already taken and seemed surprised that my rental furniture consists of a bed and a tiny sofa my mother once bought in Harrods for her dog to sleep on (My mother was the opposite of MSE readers     Everything else was found for me by the farm when I said I was going to buy secondhand to furnish the place.  Bless them they actually found me some very collectable furniture that apparently belonged to "granny"

ajmoney

Watty1 said:

Slinky said:

With regards the animals, whose name are they registered with at the vets and on any pet insurance?

although ex has been buying his dog food and paying his vet bills

And you were overpaying the mortgage so don't let him try and use that excuse, play him at his own game!

Slinky

Are the insurance premiums coming out of a joint account or your own? If joint, can you shift them over to your own account.  Is it worth contacting the chip companies and asking them to make a note on your account that on no account are they to transfer ownership out of your name.  The ownership of the animals may be in dispute, but you own the chips.......... so it could be construed as theft of your microchips if he tries to take the animals without your permission.

Watty1

Great comments thanks  Slinky.  Draft contract from legal chap finally arrived for the agreement on the land.  Why do lawyers use such  complex phrases?  I'm not sure I  understand all of it so will see if I can get a call booked for Monday then hopefully we can move to final draft quickly and get an offer in before he goes on holiday to Canada for a couple of weeks.
In MSE news (and I do feel I should have some as this is an MSE board after all) my credit card arrived.  Gasp.  How in the world did I spend so much?   How did the balance get so big?  Have I been in lala land?   Rhetorical questions I know but what a mess.    I need to take a firm grip of my spending and also of my weight.   I've gained over a stone mainly from drinking wine and comfort eating.   So I think an overhaul of it all is required.  

I've set myself a 12 week target of getting to a point where instead of this crushing exhaustion and tiredness I feel energised and ready to take on the world.  This 12 week target should also fit in with sorting out where I am with the ex and what if anything can be done to resolve matters.

My idea is for each week to set myself one small challenge. My wellbeing challenge for this week it actually two, one to drink more water and to eat more mindfully.  I'm not going to worry about what I eat at this point but to eat mindfully instead so instead of grabbing food and returning to a computer or zoning out in front of a screen I will actually sit down and eat without a screen.  The idea here is it is a small change but might actually start work on the weight without focusing on it and adding to my stress.

And for the water I will simply drink a mug of hot water on getting up instead of diving for the tea and needing 3 cups before I feel human.   Those will just be hot water.

Small changes.     On the MSE front I think I will start by working out what I can do about the CC bill 

Karmacat

I sympathise with the comfort eating, Watty - drinks too.  I don't think I could go straight on to hot water when I get up, if you can manage it that sounds great.  I'm better turning to water (and juice) in the afternoon.  

Good luck with understanding the legal complexities.

Watty1

Spent yesterday afternoon in a friends hot tub. Lots of fizz flowed.  Well that did little for the weight gain LOL.   Plan today is to finish the goods and chattles list. Surprising how much stuff in the house I feel no attachment for at all.  I'm glad I'm not doing it with Mr Watty though.  I think that would be sad.  
Some pieces trigger memories as of course they would. Like the door stop in the hall.  Just a rough hunk of wood stained.  Mr Watty stained and vanished it for me after I saw similar at a craft fair and admired them and gasped at the price.  £35 for a lump of wood I remember giggling.  We came home and he went to the yard, found a nice shaped lump of wood and stained and varnished it.   Happier times

Watty1

A strange mix of happiness with friends and sadness as I finished the spreadsheet of house contents. Plan is to share it as a file with the ex and he can choose what he wants.   So sad to have come to this.   I find myself blaming myself, wondering what I could have done differently and regretting leaving.  And the other side of the coin is looking online and thinking what a challenge it will be to start the house over with a new ethical mind frame.  Reuse and repurpose.   The mix of looking forwards and back at the same time is unsettling

Humdinger1

Watty this is natural.   If you suppressed it, you'd feel much worse very quickly.  I've been there; can I say that there's nothing you could have done differently that would have made any difference at all.  The bereavement brought it all out but there would have been a process before that.  It's hard to see when you're in the thick of it.  Was it the bereavement that first signalled the difference in attitudes? Not wanting to rake over the ashes but I found it helpful to look at stages where things diverged; it gave me a framework to help understand and move on.  Tell me to mind my own business! Love Humdinger xx

Watty1

Super helpful comment Humdinger! thank yo .  i started to think over and actually write down where things diverged and there were actually many points that signalled a difference in approached or attitudes.    I started to write some of them down.  Could I have done things differently all along?  Well I can see that my own side of the road needed cleaning up a long time ago.  So I take some responsibility.  

However the current mess, where we are today. Trying to resolve things.  I'm at the point where I think if I can reflect on the day when  I put my head on the pillow and know I did the best I can and I'm not ashamed of anything then that is ok.

Watty1

Not sure plans to be healthy wealthy and wise are progressing LOL.    Left my lunch at home (again) and so popped out and bought a salad and a chocolate bar.  The chocolate bar was delicious but I'm not sure it will add much to the diet plan.   Indulged in some online shopping but didn't check the basket out.  It was just a stress reaction.  I'm at work. The ex has taken the dog out and I've no idea where again.  I'm now wondering where he goes as this is very odd behaviour. The dog and he are gone by the time I get to work and they don't return until about 5.30.   Just wondering if he has found a new home which might indicate he is due to settle?  On that basis my plan today is to start reviewing finances.