This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

FloppyDisk

Does ex not remember that he is the one who cheated on you and is now trying to cheat you out of the money that you have already overpaid on the mortgage?  Does he actually want to sell the house or can you make life difficult by not agreeing and waiting until he cracks? 

Watty1

The price is what he would probably get if we sell.   But he would not get the 'overage' I am offering which is 50% of any development costs if the land can be sold for development.  There are plans afoot to build 'a garden village' over a lot of the local land.  Don't think it will amount to much but he does have an eye on that and is keen to benefit if it goes ahead.   I thought offering 50% was fair and the 'right thing to do'.  

Might even get more if we sell up to be honest but I would have the hard work of relocating business and the animals.  And I don't feel inclined to put house on market as I think it might take a while to sell and I'd be stuck with him.  I really just don't know why he can't negotiate.

During the chat yesterday he said he didn't see why he couldn't have a house like this and feels I'm not giving him enough money. I think the basic problem is he wanted the house to be worth much much  more than it is and he felt I manipulated the estate agents although one was his choice but my barrister threw that out because he threw out the lowest.    A friend has just suggested I offer to sell him my half. It would call his bluff but to no avail because I know he doesn't want this house with the land the attendant problems (it is blooming cold and damp here today) 

Ah well lovely ride on the charming cob today. Was really pleased with how he went.  Feel we have made so much progress with his schooling this year that I'm very proud of him.  Just packing up to go back to rental for the evening via a friends house to see if we can fix her smoke alarm. It apparently needs a battery and a ladder.  I'm doing the ladder bit

Watty1

Another letter from his solicitors. Says I am looking at things from a fairness point of view rather than the law.   And their client is working within the law and therefore has no worries if I take things further.  Glad we got the matter of fairness cleared up then!   Clearly the ex doesn't believe in fairness.   And I thought he was such an honourable chap.  How wrong I was.

In the last paragraph of a 3 page letter his solicitor helpfully suggests I take out a mortgage to pay him what he wants.  I wonder if they are qualified or insured to give such financial advice?   As if I hadn't already thought of that anyway (big sigh).

My solicitor informed me that my newly thought out strategy of just waiting for him to die was not an option as he will just take legal action to force me to sell the houses and likely litigation bill will be large.  Pity as I briefly thought it was a good option after all this legal wrangling which has achieved the square root of 'sod all'   My plan was just to move out, sell all the furniture I don't want disconnect what services I could all while he was on holiday and then leave the whole matter to rest until death. Apparently not an option.  I did question solicitor carefully after all he earns no more money if I take this course but I was made to realise it really isn't an option (although I could hear a smirk at the idea I was selling off the furniture whilst the ex was on holiday).

So in yet another attempt to resolve matters I have today instructed lovely property solicitor I found.  I say lovely he may not be lovely at all but he does respond promptly and efficiently to emails and I understand what he says so those are big pluses in my book.  He also assures me he has a grip of the situation and will write the "overage schedule" the ex wants so if I ever sell the land for a housing estate the ex will get 50% of said sale price.   New plan is to present that schedule to the ex and ask him to sign it while we fight about the money. If he at least signs it I only have to agree the money. My concern is if the ex does not sign he will use the overage agreement to delay matters until well into next year. 

In other news I went to Saddles Wells at the weekend to see the Akram Khan ballet Creature.    The dancing was exquisite but the plot, oh dear. Very complex and I am probably traumatised from it.  Have suggested to the dance mad friend I go with that next time I want "pink and fluffy" in my ballet.  

Slinky

How lucky you found out the true nature of this man before you wasted any more of your life on him.

Humdinger1

Watty, I know how painful this is.  Please congratulate yourself on the fact that you're grasping the nettle and not retreating into a fantasy where it's fixable.  You'll build a new life; thank God you can; you're clever, capable, fun and trustworthy and will surround yourself with similar people.  I know I've talked previously about karma and Nemesis.  I do firmly believe that both will overtake him.  Weirdly, what I found was that not holding a grudge allowed me to build a fab new life and watch with wonder as both of those things caught up with my ex.  I do actually feel sorry for him and am on friendly terms now, 10+ years on.  I know he regrets what he did and is in a very difficult place.   But this is all ahead; you're doing exactly the right thing focusing on sorting it in the here and now.  I know I've said this before but imagine if you'd retired before this happened!  You have a posse of devoted admirers here and in real life.  Keep going love Humdinger xx

FloppyDisk

"I thought offering 50% was fair and the 'right thing to do'."  I know you are cracking on with this but are you sure you want to given that he has literally said he isn't going to be fair?  If it wouldn't be including it in an open sale, why are you doing it just to benefit him, and especially to half of it when he isn't giving you 50% of future gains of his pension.  

I do very much agree with Humdinger regarding not holding a grudge and walking away knowing karma is on your side, but if it were me, I would fight just a little longer while the split is being decided.  Just so you can look back and know you fought to get as much of your money back as you could, then when the dust is settled you can ride off into the sunset on a very Charming Cob!

Glad that you are keeping busy at the weekends and getting out and about, this is a big part of your life right now but it isn't everything!

Watty1

Another email from solicitor. He wants to sort goods and chattels.  This arrived this morning and I was a bit puzzled. After all why would anyone involve a solicitor for "goods and chattels".  I thought I would just make a list of the things I want but then having researched it on google I can only conclude it is the pets he is after.  Specifically I think he wants WattyDog.

I have decided to ask to see him and say it is not worth spending money on solicitors to divide up second hand furniture and suggest we toss a coin to decide who goes first and then start in a room and pick an item each till done.

But if it is  WattyDog he wants then that is more of a challenge.  And the horses?  And the cat?  One of the horses was bought by my company so technically he is owned by the company (I've no idea what my accountant did with that probably wrote it off as a dividend).  The feral cat is just that and Most Handsome Horse is still lame but after interviewing google i understand these are all considered legally as "goods and chattels". 

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

Watty, I know how painful this is.  Please congratulate yourself on the fact that you're grasping the nettle and not retreating into a fantasy where it's fixable.  You'll build a new life; thank God you can; you're clever, capable, fun and trustworthy and will surround yourself with similar people.  I know I've talked previously about karma and Nemesis.  I do firmly believe that both will overtake him.  Weirdly, what I found was that not holding a grudge allowed me to build a fab new life and watch with wonder as both of those things caught up with my ex.  I do actually feel sorry for him and am on friendly terms now, 10+ years on.  I know he regrets what he did and is in a very difficult place.   But this is all ahead; you're doing exactly the right thing focusing on sorting it in the here and now.  I know I've said this before but imagine if you'd retired before this happened!  You have a posse of devoted admirers here and in real life.  Keep going love Humdinger xx

Well sometimes I do retreat into fantasy world if I am honest.   I do wonder why I left.  And if the relationship was fixable and if it could be fixed.  And then I imagine telling my friends that we were giving the relationship another go and how horrified they would be.  I imagine telling the people who have supported me and seeing their faces.   Now I know what others think should not define an outcome but it is enough.  He was once my world and my best friend but over the last few years that has not been the case and I know it could not be again so I shake myself down and keep on moving forwards through the quagmire.

I will trust in karma!   

Watty1

FloppyDisk said:

"I thought offering 50% was fair and the 'right thing to do'."  I know you are cracking on with this but are you sure you want to given that he has literally said he isn't going to be fair?  If it wouldn't be including it in an open sale, why are you doing it just to benefit him, and especially to half of it when he isn't giving you 50% of future gains of his pension.  

A fair point.   But dear reader I have a plan    He wasn't going to budge on the 50% so I had to give.    I have spoken with a property lawyer and I think I have a plan that might just work and perhaps gives karma a helping hand!

Slinky

With regards the animals, whose name are they registered with at the vets and on any pet insurance?