This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

maggiem

Watty,

so very sorry to read of difficult day in court although it sounds as if you impressed the judge and barrister too. I really can't use the language I'd like to to describe Mr Watty but very pleased to read of offers of help, Prosecco and chocolate and food too! 

Keep plodding as Beanie would say and I very much trust Mr Watty gets his deserved reward soon! 

Watty1

Bless you all.  I'm not so sure I've been lovely at times and there are lots I regret and I often find myself wondering if I could have made the relationship work.  There I've said it. I actually miss him.  And I'm cross with myself for that.  Gee the emotions are tough. 

Anyway with an eye to the future.  I do have plans. First plan I think I will need to let go given the result of the hearing.    I have found a  place I adore.  It is a farm house for sale.  For renovation.  With a hodge podge muddle of buildings that will make a barn conversion.  And around 7 acres.  It is in a fantastic location being next to the farm I am renting on.  I know the area well. The hacking is wonderful. As are the neighbours.  Rebuild farm house.  Convert barn. Sell one. Keep the other.

I'm not sure I could really take on such extensive work by myself.  I'm learning to do a lot without Mr Watty but taking on a project like that might be a bit beyond me but I really loved the location.  

However the outcome of the hearing is making this plan unlikely.  The more I look at the figures which I have been doing the more cautious I become.  I think that it all might be a bit much for me.   So regretfully I think I will turn that down.  I will think on over the weekend as I have to go back to the agent.

I did think about moving away completely but I would miss my pals, my running club, my neighbours.  Ohh and my sister has moved to a nearby village.  Now I'm estranged from my sister but she did ask me to have a coffee with her this week. Cynically I think that was because the village I live in is the biggest one locally and it has just about everything in it and I think she is aware that she might just bump into me and so I did wonder if the coffee was just to stop it being awkward if that happens.  I'm not sure.   I would really love to have her in my life.  But where my sister is concerned I have found her to be rather hurtful when she drops me for some supposed transgression or another. Last time a few years ago she put the phone down on me and never returned any calls or cards or anything (sigh).  Not sure but if it works out this time it would be lovely.

So I have come up with another plan.  Which is to buy this house from Mr Watty and I have what might be a very ambitions plan.  It has been on my mind for a while. I'll share more of my plan B if and when I buy the house.

Late night, just reading on here and drinking a tea (with chocolate biscuit) having finished work.  Prepping for the hearing, attending it and then the huge sense of failing to achieve anything despite huge legal bills left me feeling to sick to work. Well that and the Prosseco from last night.   However work was mounting and I need to keep going so this evening I sat and tackled the backlog and am finishing up late with a neat list for tomorrow.   

I also had a lovely lunch with 5 pals in the village cafe.  Jacket potato with prawns and a coffee.  Yum. And giggles a plenty.  In the last 18 months I have made some nice friends in the village. The sort of women I can message and just have a coffee with.  Starting over anywhere would be hard, so,I think for now it is stay in area and see if Plan B can work.   More on the plans as they unfold.

Finally car news, the very lovely man has a mother who has had a fall.  (She is ok but not driving). I sent her a pile of magazines to read as I thought she might be feeling housebound and I always think a pile of magazines is a bit of a luxury when one is stuck on the sofa.  I wasn't sure her son would have any idea what a woman in her 80s might like so I bought 5 trying really hard to think what my gran would have enjoyed.   Lady really liked them and suggested her son borrow her car as he is insured for it and I drive his thus making the temporary car share easier. Isn't that nice.  I  will have to buy a car but hopefully I can do that when the house sale is finalised.

ajmoney

Watty, what a wonderful thing to do for that lady.  Please don't take how your sister or Mr Watty have acted towards you personally, it says far more about them than it does about you.  It is really hard but do what feels right to you.

Well done for working through the backlog yesterday, baby steps and you will get on top of it all, just remember to be kind to yourself x

Watty1

Another full day in the office.   The sun is shinning and it looks a lovely day out there.    Mr Watty has taken his mum and the dog on a boat trip to look at a nearby beach.  I must admit I feel a little bit sad.   And then I'm reminding myself that for the last few years he didn't involve me in things, he just left me out and if wer were still together he would still have done the trip but without me anyway.  There is a big disconnect and just now I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

FloppyDisk

I'm just catching up and I want to send a big hug!  What an absolute end of a bell, can we get rid of the Mr and start his name with a T from now on?  It beggars belief that he actually acknowledged how unfair he had chosen to be.  And all this overage stuff - have you any energy to fight him on this?  He deliberately stole your pension and now he wants to control your future too?!  You do have so much history together but he has been so heartless and calculating, for quite some time now - do look after yourself.  Have you ,et up with the running group lately?

Humdinger1

@Watty1 I know it's painful right now but you have really dodged a big bullet here.  I know when I divorced my first husband, i was grieving for the loss of a relationship that largely existed in my head.  That hurt, but it allowed me to see the value of getting my feet on the ground; you already have this in spades so are well ahead of where I was.

Tell me to mind my own business but is it helpful to have your office in a place where you can bump into him so easily? 

You can and will rise from this.   I'm absolutely convinced that you're going to see him implore.  Love Humdinger xx 

Slinky

Watty, call me suspicious of your sister's motives, but if you've been hurt by her in the past and she's come out of the woodwork now, is it just because she wants to find out all the gory details of Mr W's betrayal of you.  Be cautious would be my advice.

FloppyDisk

Humdinger1 said:

Tell me to mind my own business but is it helpful to have your office in a place where you can bump into him so easily? 

I agree with this - if you plan to buy the house can't he shift it and leave now?  That said - I like the farm development idea.  You have coped brilliantly with so much - I'm not sure there's much that is beyond you these days!

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 I know it's painful right now but you have really dodged a big bullet here.  I know when I divorced my first husband, i was grieving for the loss of a relationship that largely existed in my head.  That hurt, but it allowed me to see the value of getting my feet on the ground; you already have this in spades so are well ahead of where I was.

I think this a great point.   I see the relationship he has with the new woman and I remember when it was like that with us and then I feel hurt.  And of course the relationship was largely in my head.  I think his admission that he spent  2 years treating me worse that the s... on his shoe simply so I would leave is very telling.

And you and Floppy are so right about having my office in a place where I bump into him most days.  I let it drift because at first I thought we would amicably work things  out, then I thought we would work it out at mediation, then I thought it would be at the hearing and so on.  Working out a solution was always just around the next corner in my mind.  I tried earlier in the year to find office space locally but failed to do so.  And I stuck with it because I didn't want to be travelling one place to work, another to look after the dog, another to look after the horses and another to live. I know most people do this but at the time it seemed overwhelming.  

Now I think the time has come to face the challenge head on and simply move everything and sort my life out so it exists totally away from the cottage.      I'll do it in baby steps.  First baby step today was to sort storage for some stuff in my rental place.  All the paints etc for the place are in the only storage cupboards so this morning I had a chat with a member of the farm's staff and if if I clear everything out and put them in an agreed place then they will be moved into storage for them.  

Second baby step is to research internet phones because if I understand correctly moving my business phone to a voice over internet protocol (VOIP) phone would mean I can keep the number but use it anywhere.  So if I move office I can keep number.

That is enough for today as I am a little behind after last week's drama and I need to write a webinar for tomorrow that somehow I forgot I was giving...

Watty1

Webinar written.   Sadly discovered "home" which is the place I rent has very poor broadband that is copper based with no fibre therefore cannot take a VOIP system.   To move the business there will means installing call forwarding.
Spoke to Solicitor and ex shows no signs of settling and his lawyer is on holiday and left instructions that there should be no without prejudice calls because of the complexity of the situation. It is not complex at all.  I feel certain this is just another attempt for them to kick it into the long grass so I pay more and go away.   Felt positive this morning. Now fed up again.