This Time I'm Really Going To Do It

Karmacat

Oh my god, Watty, that must be devastating I'm so sorry to read this   And yes, absolutely make a separate thread about the perils of divesting of a cohabitee relationship as opposed to a marriage.  The differences in rights between a cohabitee and a spouse are big, or at least they were - I'm not sure if they extend to things like who can be admitted to see them in intensive care, who arranges the funeral, all sorts of things that are completely unexpected.  Nothing to do with your situation, of course, its the ex-cohabitee that's caused all the problems.  To be betrayed like this is horrendous.  I mean, yes, you can come back from it at some stage, but if it was me, I'd almost feel like it's a physical attack.  I don't know how much admin and catchup you've got to do right now, but please take care of yourself as much as you can - even if thats an extra tablet of vitamin c.  Thinking of you.

ajmoney

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 sorry to hear that this is how it's played out.  Karma will be on the case of your ex.  Agree re cautionary tale worth posting; what all your admirers are concerned with are your next steps.  We understand that you'll need time to grieve, but you totally have the ability to turn this round.  At least you were offered a discount by the judge so that's a definite bargaining chip.  You earn good money in a field you enjoy so that is a good foundation. Hope I'm not being too infuriatingly chipper but I do really believe in your ability to recover and prosper once you've licked your wounds; the two things can go hand in hand.  Please keep posting because we all want to know how you are and be with you on your journey.   Love Humdinger xx 

I love this.  Set some small goals Watty to give you a focus, if they are easy enough I will join you in them x

Watty1

Thank you all for your lovely comments.   There are some positives. My sister has been in touch and that means the world to me.   I ate in a Vietnamese cafe after the hearing and bought the leftovers home for lunch. (I was actually too sick to eat so I think dinner was 4 mini spring rolls).   On the train on the way home my phone pinged regularly with lovely people offering support, this morning I woke up to find the neighbour I had asked to check my horses and done absolutely everything she could and another neighbour was round first thing to give me two half full cans of stuff to spray the house as feral cat (now indoor cat) has somehow managed to get fleas.  I remember many pages back admitting I had very little support in real life. How things change!

I need to think about how to turn it around.   The lovely man who has lent me his car while he is not using it made a suggestion.  (He insured his car for me as he works shift work and is sleeping when I need to drive.  My car failed the MOT and I didn't want to buy anything until my life was a little more settled so was looking for something cheap to tide me over and he made this super kind offer).

Anyway I digress back to his plan.  I initially thought it was ridiculous and impractical but I have to admit that it might just make sense for a single lady.  I still think it is a bit 'pie in the sky' but I will explore it and will share more as I go.  

In the meantime my day has been filled with much coffee and chocolate which I know is not ideal.  A friend is bring prosecco and an Indian round this evening for a gossip and I'm beginning to regroup.  

I still need to settle with Mr Watty and my first port of call was to find a specialist in property law which I did and come up with a draft overage agreement on the land.  Mr Watty wants to be sure I don't profit from buying the house off him at a later date!   My second was to increase my offer to Mr Watty slightly. Very slightly.   Hopefully I will hear back tomorrow.  Fingers crossed my lovely lot of supporters 

Watty1

Humdinger1 said:

@Watty1 sorry to hear that this is how it's played out.  Karma will be on the case of your ex.  Agree re cautionary tale worth posting; what all your admirers are concerned with are your next steps.  We understand that you'll need time to grieve, but you totally have the ability to turn this round.  At least you were offered a discount by the judge so that's a definite bargaining chip.  You earn good money in a field you enjoy so that is a good foundation. Hope I'm not being too infuriatingly chipper but I do really believe in your ability to recover and prosper once you've licked your wounds; the two things can go hand in hand.  Please keep posting because we all want to know how you are and be with you on your journey.   Love Humdinger xx 

Well I do love this post I must say.  Thank you xx

greent

So glad you have some lovely support in real life 💜 We are all here for you on here, of course - but friends with prosecco and cars and Indian food sound super lovely x

apple_muncher

Oh Watty. How carp is all that! Sending you hugs and love xxx

Watty1

I had a lovely evening and I'm sure no one is surprised to learn I drank way to much and now feel slightly squiffy this morning!

Arrived at the house slightly late on account of collecting car and then getting caught in school run traffic to find the farrier who is always late (sometimes by as much as a few days) had arrived early and was already giving their boys their pedicure.  So only time for a 5 mins catch up with him rather than usual lovely natter and I had no cash to pay him.  The boys are now going to go 8 weeks for their pedicure rather than 6 to 7 which is a small saving at least.  

Back in the house on way to office I see Mr Watty.    Feeling very sick I sit down and we had a chat.  Argh.  He kicked off saying he thought my barrister was excellent and how much he admired her and followed up by saying she had done a great job given the evidence she had.  I simply said if I had known he wanted proof of things he knew to be true he should have raised it earlier than the day before but I had to accept I maybe could have found the proof earlier although I did not know he was going to question whether I had actually owned antiquarian books when he knew I had.  I really thought he would just have accepted that as a given rather than asking the day before me to prove I had indeed owned them.    He then actually said he thought after a 25 year relationship that the pension provision and division of assets was most unfair but he had to look after himself and had done so at the cost of throwing me under the car.      I cried but not because I was hurt but more because I realised what kind of man he was. He admitted he knew all along that I was telling the truth.   Honestly I am very included to fight on because I dislike him so much  -  but  - at some point to day sense will prevail I am sure.   At least I am out and will soon be able to start over.

Humdinger1

@Watty1 you're right to let it all out.  With my relentlessly jolly hat on again, it could have been a million times worse if it had all rolled on till retirement. It won't be long before Nemesis (I hear she's lame but being the goddess of vengeance, it's futile to attempt to outrun her) catches up with him.  You can do this and you are also due a massive windfall. Sorry, I hope this isn't too 'magical thinking' but even on the time-honoured method of fiscal prudence and excellent planning, you've got this.  What do you want to do next? Are you staying in the area or would it be better to move? Love Humdinger xx

Karmacat

Good god.  He really is horrendous, isn't he - not only to do it, but admit it to your face so soon afterward.  Unbelievable.

apple_muncher

He is an utter b***ard

You, on the other hand are showing how truly lovely you are. We are all rooting for your best future.