Am I over-reacting?

aileth

Mojisola wrote: »

But a longterm relationship is all about being there whatever happens.

My OH has stuck with me despite years of poor health and me not being the active person he married.

If yours would head for the hills every time life wasn't perfect, I wouldn't waste any more time on him.

Agree. You learn someone's true colours when times become difficult, and this is one of the times where you need the full backing and support of your other half.

Errata

He's fine when the living is easy, but CBA to put in a bit of effort when the going gets hard? How old is he - 12?

marisco_2

How to put this. Your partner is basically coming across as a fair weather friend. To consider being with someone long term, you need them to be far more than this toward you. Life will throw all manner of curve balls at you as your progress through it. It should be reasonable to expect someone you share your life with, to have your back and for you to support each other through difficult times. I don't think you will ever be able to rely on this guy doing that for you.

pawsies

Maybe it hasn't hit him yet what has happened. Some people find it takes a while to sink in and by being around you it means it really has happened and this makes him upset.

He might not have gathered his thoughts yet, but that is ok. He is coping in a different way- by ignoring it.

butterflyaway

Thank you all for your advice. I am in two minds about what to do. His family keep making insensitive remarks....I think I'm just about ready to explode with anger.

Mojisola

butterflyaway wrote: »

Thank you all for your advice. I am in two minds about what to do. His family keep making insensitive remarks....I think I'm just about ready to explode with anger.

You really don't need this stress when you're dealing with grief.

Can you just not have any contact with them while you look after yourself - get among people who are supportive and caring.

butterflyaway

He's coming back in a few days (he left almost 3 weeks ago) so I'm finding it hard to avoid the situation

System

butterflyaway I'm so sorry for your loss. You are NOT over-reacting.

Is there any way you can just put OH out of your mind for now and spend time with your family who will love and support you? Not easy to do, but I think you need to be able to concentrate on yourself and your family and grieve together.
OH and is family are being completely insensitive and you shouldn't be having to deal with that at this time. The fact that you are having to deal with it says a lot about him.
Don't do or say anything rash at the moment while the loss is still raw, but when you feel able, think ahead, and wonder how he will deal with other losses further on in your joint life, and whether you want that.

I do hope he comes through for you.

Edit - bother, cross posted with you. I hope you can work things out

HPoirot

It's all too easy being caring, loving and generous when things are great, but life isn't one big party is it, we are all bound to hit the lows on more than one occasion. As aileth said, true colours do tend to show when times are difficult.

butterflyaway

Thanks guys. I think I will update again in a few days when he's back...as some people said, actions speak louder than words. We will see...