arguing over school uniform

JoW123

Brewstersmum wrote: »

no its what people under the age of 60 do when they don't really want to have a conversation but need to get a message through to someone

Agreed!! Texting has saved me from many an argument with ex and allowed me to calm down before replying which has no doubt made things easier for all of us!

Lozzy88

tell him you have no money till (when ever you get paid) but once you do you will be happy to go to the school/shop with the small people to buy the uniform, life is too short to be arguing with a ex.

I personally would never hand over cash.

marisco_2

It must drive you barmy having an ex that cannot be reasoned with. You bought brand new uniform for the children last year that he has refused to use. If he doesn't want to incur costs, then as long as that clothing still fits, that is what should be given to him. Not money so he can go out and buy what you already have.

Brewstersmum

JoW123 wrote: »

I have full-time care of my two children and get child benefit and ex pays CSA(at the moment!) Normally I would expect to pay for all the uniforms out of that 'cos I can budget all year for it but this year DS is starting senior school and uniform has cost more than double as a result. I asked ex if he would consider giving me any more (didn't ask for an amount, just a contribution). He told me he can't at the moment but will give me some when things are a bit less tight in the middle of the month.

Is your issue about buying them because you can't afford to at present rather than about contributing to unifrom in general?? If so maybe say you can't this year but next year you will be able to pay 1/2?? To be honest what he spends his money on is his business but if he's suddenly found himself short 'cos he has spent it on other things then you shouldn't be expected to make up the shortfall!! Maybe agree a plan to proceed for the future so you both know where you stand and can budget accordingly.

the issue is just been asked for a random amount when he has already bought the stuff. I am happy to go and buy them some but I wont waste my money as I know he wont use the uniform. I think he is asking as he has a shortfall of disposable income.

Brewstersmum

lozzy88 wrote: »

tell him you have no money till (when ever you get paid) but once you do you will be happy to go to the school/shop with the small people to buy the uniform, life is too short to be arguing with a ex.

I personally would never hand over cash.

yes I think I may suggest this and see if he agrees. if not then obviously he is just after cash.

LannieDuck

It seems totally unreasonable for him to claim all the CB when you have 50:50 care, and then expect you to cover school expenses such as this. Which expenses does he envision the CB is covering that you don't also have?

If you do want to contribute (and reading between the lines it sounds as if you're willing to, but have a cash short-fall right now), I think I would re-state my offer to take the children shopping for supermarket jumpers. If he chooses to buy a better quality of uniform, he needs to pay for it.

Loz01

Why in earth does he need £200 to kit out a four and five year old?? :eek: jumpers trousers and polo shirts are cheap as anything, even better brands like m&s! Ask him to itemise what he wants to buy. That seems way way too much even with shoes included.

FBaby

You are not handling this properly at all. Firstly, why is he getting all the benefits and why are you agreeable to it. Surely it should be him claiming for one child and you for the other. If he is claiming for both because he can claim more (morally wrong, but hey...), then why isn't there an agreement that either it means he pays for all extras, or he gives you half of what he gets.

How have you agreed to financially share other joint costs, ie. childcare during holidays, activities etc..?

In any case, you shouldn't have just said that you was not going to contribute because you couldn't afford it. That shouldn't be the reason. It is not HIS fault that you can't afford it, and your children still need to have uniforms. Similarly the fact that you are supporting your eldest solely is not of his concern.

Saying that, it is impossible to advise without understanding the actual arrangement you have in place and what has been agreed in the past.

Funky_Bold_Ribena

You need to have half of those benefits. Then you will go 50:50 with the uniform.

Mojisola

At most, I would offer half the cost of kitting them out at the supermarket. If he wants them to wear the posh stuff, he can fund the difference.