arguing over school uniform

Brewstersmum

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I just want to know whether im in the right or the wrong here.

I have 3 children. one a teen from a previous relationship

a 4 and 5 year old from another relationship.

my son lives with me. I have provided for him alone since he was a baby and his dad left us. he pays no CSA and I haven't seen him for 10 years. obviously due to this I pay for my sons uniform and everyday expenses.

I do work by the way, damn hard as well.

my younger 2 are shared care with me and their dad. when we split up I was working and he wasn't. he refused to leave the family home so I left (it was rented) and left everything there. he claims the child benefit and tax credits.

I moved out having the children for 3 and a half days a week at my mums to start with and gradually over the past 2 years I have got back on my feet

anyway today he has decided to ask me for money for the kids uniform. I have said no as I have to kit my son out with no help. I got made redundant not long back and have to wait another month before I get paid from my new job. I am living day to day at the moment as I have had no wages for 10 weeks and am on the very last of what I saved up.

in the past few weeks he has bought a new car and an engagement ring for his fianc!e. am I in the wrong saying no?? I don't pay CSA for the children as I look after them for half the week!!

Kayalana99

Techinally you should be paying CSA because he is classed as the full time carer for them (by getting the benifits)

Is it really 3 and a half days? Seems abit mad to be spot on...who usally pays for the extras like shoes etc? Is it mainly him?

Gigglepig

If you have split the care half and half, but he gets all the benefits, I would expect him to cover 100% up to the value of those but split anything else 50-50. Is he the one who pays for school activities, sports, clothes in general?

Your other son does not have anything to do with if/how you support your two youngest (migh be an idea to at least try raise a CSA claim though, and try to write his dad, if you are that short of money? )

Brewstersmum

its not spot on 3 and a half days it is weds, thurs, fri to Saturday afternoon or thurs, fri, sat, sun afternoon, but if im working or the kids are at school then I see them less in the day but they are the nights they are with me.

I have pay for everything they have whilst they are here.

last year I bought uniform and its never been used as he likes to take them to school and im often at work in the mornings so cant do it.

MrsE_2

Why don't you go half each.

DigForVictory

He's left it a bit late. Have either of you the time or money to check the charity shops, which are blessedly unloading acquired stock?
Some grandparents make a deal about buying uniform - how do your & his folks feel about that idea?
I'm afraid communication has gone awry somewhere - best of luck with getting it back on track & in the meantime getting the uniform issue sorted!

Brewstersmum

Gigglepig wrote: »

If you have split the care half and half, but he gets all the benefits, I would expect him to cover 100% up to the value of those but split anything else 50-50. Is he the one who pays for school activities, sports, clothes in general?

Your other son does not have anything to do with if/how you support your two youngest (migh be an idea to at least try raise a CSA claim though, and try to write his dad, if you are that short of money? )

he never tells me what they may need money for, just once a year has a rant at me for school uniform.

im just short at them moment due to redundancy. 4 weeks till pay day!

paulineb_2

I think the problem seems to be at the moment you are skint and he doesnt seem to be (car, engagement ring)

Id just be honest and say due to being made redundant you cant afford anything this month and when you do get it, you'll buy something for them out of your next wage.

paulineb_2

Brewstersmum wrote: »

he never tells me what they may need money for, just once a year has a rant at me for school uniform.

im just short at them moment due to redundancy. 4 weeks till pay day!

Thats what you need to tell him, if he knows you dont have it just now what are you expected to do?

Brewstersmum

DigForVictory wrote: »

He's left it a bit late. Have either of you the time or money to check the charity shops, which are blessedly unloading acquired stock?
Some grandparents make a deal about buying uniform - how do your & his folks feel about that idea?
I'm afraid communication has gone awry somewhere - best of luck with getting it back on track & in the meantime getting the uniform issue sorted!

yes I did offer at the beginning of the holidays to get some jumpers from the supermarket but he said no and he wants to get them embroidered school ones which cost a fortune. I really don't want to just give him £100 at the end of the holidays when he is off buying all sorts of stuff and im living on beans on toast!

Wilma33

Can't the five year old wear last years?