Please Help.

AlexLK

theoretica wrote: »

Are these the same car?

Yes. I meant the Triumph costs nothing to tax and only £100 per year to insure. I also only run it 6 months of the year and it does 27mpg. I do like to buy it treats though.

DizzyMum_2

Hello,

Are the cars paid for? Could you sell both of them and buy a cheaper two that are cheaper to run and maintain. I know they won't be as nice but something's got to give.

Quick note on school fees - I've paid them for secondary school for the last 6 years (2 more left to go) and I know junior school is cheaper but for secondary school it works out about £15k pa by the time you've added everything on.

If you want to privately educate then you both need to get serious and realistic about the budget and the debt now (I talk from experience of not doing so). Whilst your parents may be happy to pay the money they will be using is their retirement money.

DM

AlexLK

ifstar wrote: »

I think it seems like you are still in denial about your situation.
On one hand you have said you want to get stuck in and clear this but on the other hand you don't want to make much in the way of cut backs to deprive your wife.

You are overspending by £300 a month - £3600 a year. You have got credit card debts that you don't want to acknowledge and appear to think they will just go away as nothing has come from it yet. You need to get that thought out your head and include them in your debts.

Gas and electricity very high.
Groceries high - including £100 a month or £1200 a year on wine.
Fuel for cars - £450.
Road tax - £47 a month or £564 a year. (my diesel car is £35 for a year)
Clothing - £200 or £2400 a year.
Car maintenance - £100 or £1200 a year.
Other child expenses - £100 or £1200 a year.
Holiday - £250 or £3000 a year.

All the above could be cut dramatically if you really want to. You should be able to holiday abroad for the 3 of you for under £1000 a week easily.

I know you want to keep your vintage car, but you need to look at the other two as for car related stuff alone you are paying £672 a month or £8064 a year.

I've really tried to cut back as of late and thought I was doing really well.

As far as the credit card debt goes, I don't want to acknowledge it until my bank loan is paid off (I have never missed a payment on that and have 17 payments left). I am aware I owe a lot of money on the four credit cards (getting near to £20,000) but currently have no way to pay anything towards it. Not to mention the interest is ridiculous and I will end up paying back MUCH more than I spent in the first place on them.

Gas & Electricity - We live in an old house which is poorly insulated. I am home quite a lot so electricity is being used almost all the time. We have switched providers once in the last two years (with British Gas for both now).

Groceries - Trying to cut back on the alcohol consumption is on my list.

Fuel - Considering swapping the V8 Disco for a diesel one.

Road tax - it's £280 each, so I rounded up slightly when I did my monthly calculation. We cannot afford a new car which would be cheaper to tax. Also we need a Land Rover for when the winter gets bad. We also like BMWs, hence my wife's car.

Clothing - I have decided to not buy any new clothes for myself for six months and for my wife until Christmas. Of course, our son is a different matter.

Holiday - We go for two fortnights per year. The figure I put down does not include spending money.

AlexLK

DizzyMum wrote: »

Hello,

Are the cars paid for? Could you sell both of them and buy a cheaper two that are cheaper to run and maintain. I know they won't be as nice but something's got to give.

Quick note on school fees - I've paid them for secondary school for the last 6 years (2 more left to go) and I know junior school is cheaper but for secondary school it works out about £15k pa by the time you've added everything on.

If you want to privately educate then you both need to get serious and realistic about the budget and the debt now (I talk from experience of not doing so). Whilst your parents may be happy to pay the money they will be using is their retirement money.

DM

Hi,

The cars are paid for. Last year I was running a £30,000 Range Rover Sport and my wife a two year old 330D. We could not pay the finance so the something has already given. These days I have a £3000 Land Rover Discovery and my wife a £3500 BMW 530i.

I was fortunate enough to be privately educated and was on track to more than be able to afford to privately educate my (then future) son. However, I went through a very dark period in my life before he was born which resulted in me having to give up my job. Though I only pay myself a low wage from my business, things are starting to pick up meaning I should be able to contribute more in a couple of years. My parents say they want to help and I do not wish to see my son going through the state education system.

Turtle

Well done for the cut backs you've made so far. But you need to make much more dramatic ones I'm afraid. Your cars are costing a fortune and you simply can't afford them at the moment. Instead of selling a petrol discovery and swapping it for a diesel one, you should be considering swapping it for an astra or something more sensible (just seen that your cars don't have a huge value, but the day to day costs are too much for what you can afford at the moment).

You also can't afford 4 weeks holiday every year especially if the figure you quoted doesn't include spending money.

I do realise that my suggestions will seem completely out of the question and that they won't go down well with your wife. But she really has to realise your current lifestyle on the amount of money you're earning is not sustainable if you want to keep a roof over your head.

I'm really sorry if this sounds very harsh. You obviously come from a very well to do background but hopefully your parents want you to be happy first and foremost and don't care if your circumstances have changed. Hopefully your wife wants that as well? It's admirable to say you'll sacrifice your happiness for your wife, but that's not sustainable long term either, there has to be equal responsibility in living to your new budget.

Bublin1

OP, I'm going to say some stuff now........................

Unfortunately you are the family that on the outside it looks like you have it all but really you and your wife are sinking and sinking fast.

Seriously alot of your comments are, 'my wife likes this, my wife won't have any of that, my wife needs this, my wife's family won't like that'. Not living in the real world.
So is this family paying your bills? You all need to stop worrying what other people think and get your own house in order.

How can you seriously ignore your credit cards - sounds like you're not even paying the minimum balances. Do you know the consequences for this?

The sh*t is going to hit the fan for you and your family if you don't have a serious chat with your wife and put the breaks on the lifestyle you are pretending to be able to afford.
i am a woman and I tell you to step up and tell her how the household is going to run from now on.

Have you asked your parents how they gave you a comfortable upbringing? I bet they didn't put themselves in debt just to keep up with the Jones'.

tallyhoh

AlexLK wrote: »

I have been sat here writing a list of things I could do to improve the situation. One option is selling three quarters of my collection to put towards trying to pay some of the credit cards off. Another is selling the V8 Disco and buying a diesel one as the V8 one does 12mpg and a diesel one would do about 30mpg.

As far as my parents are concerned, the deal is we will pay half each but in reality, so long as they see I am trying my best, they will more or less pay for my son's school fees when he is old enough. They have already stated that they will help and that they do not want their grandchild growing up without the opportunities I had.

Oh dear, I am really going to sound horrible again here but trust me I mean it for the best.

Sell the whole of whatever collections you have, they are holding you back & putting your home & family in jeopardy.

I really don't know what a V8 is but you should sell whatever cars you don't need, they cost money even if they are paid for, tax, insurance, MOT, service etc.

Again I will sound really nasty here about your parents & the school fees: You state that: "They have already stated that they will help and that they do not want their grandchild growing up without the opportunities I had"

Sorry, but it didn't help you any did it? it just gave you a false view of the real world. You are trying to act like someone with a really good salary on a very average wage. To put it into perspective my nephew is on minimum pay in a pub & with a few hours overtime takes home more than you.

I really mean this for the best mate, honestly.

AlexLK

Turtle wrote: »

Well done for the cut backs you've made so far. But you need to make much more dramatic ones I'm afraid. Your cars are costing a fortune and you simply can't afford them at the moment. Instead of selling a petrol discovery and swapping it for a diesel one, you should be considering swapping it for an astra or something more sensible (just seen that your cars don't have a huge value, but the day to day costs are too much for what you can afford at the moment).

You also can't afford 4 weeks holiday every year especially if the figure you quoted doesn't include spending money.

I do realise that my suggestions will seem completely out of the question and that they won't go down well with your wife. But she really has to realise your current lifestyle on the amount of money you're earning is not sustainable if you want to keep a roof over your head.

I'm really sorry if this sounds very harsh. You obviously come from a very well to do background but hopefully your parents want you to be happy first and foremost and don't care if your circumstances have changed. Hopefully your wife wants that as well? It's admirable to say you'll sacrifice your happiness for your wife, but that's not sustainable long term either, there has to be equal responsibility in living to your new budget.

I live in a rural location and we need a 4x4 to get us through the winter. A diesel Discovery will do about 30mpg and cost £215 per year to tax if I get a pre-2001 model. Let's face it a Land Rover is hardly what one could call extravagant.

In my list I have considered giving up holidays though I know that will be difficult.

My parents have been wonderful and have already offered much more than I could ever accept. As I have failed I see it as up to me to suffer the consequences of my actions firstly and foremost for I promised my wife I would look after her and that she wouldn't have to work when she became a mother when we discussed marriage in the first place. However, I'm lucky that she enjoys her career and wishes to climb the ladder.

Anyhow here goes the list of savings I believe I could make:

Land line telephone: Stop making calls to mobiles and see if BT can provide a better deal, if not move.

Mobile phones: Ask to be moved down a tariff (Me, I don't use it much anyhow).

Groceries: Cut down on my alcohol consumption. Only have one takeaway per month as a treat. Start looking into saving a little on other food products.

Clothing: Not buy any new clothes for six months (me), not buy any clothes until Christmas (wife).

Petrol: Swap my V8 Disco for the diesel version.

Car Maintenance: Only buy essential items for the Triumph. Have servicing done on the Land Rover and BMW at Independents rather than main dealers.

Child related expenses: Speak to my parents.

Presents: Not sure what I can do about this but start buying less extravagant gifts.

Haircuts: See if my wife will cut down from once a month to once every six weeks.

Holidays: Give them up.

AlexLK

Bublin1 wrote: »

OP, I'm going to say some stuff now........................

Unfortunately you are the family that on the outside it looks like you have it all but really you and your wife are sinking and sinking fast.

Seriously alot of your comments are, 'my wife likes this, my wife won't have any of that, my wife needs this, my wife's family won't like that'. Not living in the real world.
So is this family paying your bills? You all need to stop worrying what other people think and get your own house in order.

How can you seriously ignore your credit cards - sounds like you're not even paying the minimum balances. Do you know the consequences for this?

The sh*t is going to hit the fan for you and your family if you don't have a serious chat with your wife and put the breaks on the lifestyle you are pretending to be able to afford.
i am a woman and I tell you to step up and tell her how the household is going to run from now on.

Have you asked your parents how they gave you a comfortable upbringing? I bet they didn't put themselves in debt just to keep up with the Jones'.

I presume they can give me a court order to pay back the money, which I don't have. Honestly, I don't think they could do a lot in my situation as I have very few assets.

I came on here hoping to get some help but now feel worse than ever, almost on the verge of tears about all of this. My parents would be rather disgusted if they found out I owed any other money than the mortgage.

Orange_Ena

Me again

Reading through some of your replies it seems quite clear that you haven't really had your lightbulb moment yet. It maybe flickering though. A tiny bit.

You and your wife are a partnership. Rough with the smooth, for better for worse. You shouldn't really buy her luxuries, that you can ill afford, to make up for a difficult few years. Treats and luxuries are lovely, but not a necessity. Keeping a roof over your head and the wolves from the door is. You buy your car treats too?! Its not a dog :rotfl::D

Other people and their lifestyles don't matter. They may earn more than you, or have won the lottery, or maybe everything is on credit and they are wondering when the house of cards is going to come crashing down around them.

I really hope that LBM hits you soon. Have a read of some diaries and see how others have managed to reduce their debt quite drastically and are now saving for a better future.

You can buy all the stuff in the world, but it won't make you happy. Not for long anyway.

Really, best of luck to you. Sorry if I've been harsh