Please Help.

yellowcrocus

Hi Alex,

I think the first step is to become much better acquainted with your financial situation. You should know exactly what's coming in and going out at all times. Try keeping a spending diary so you can see where your money is going, and make a spreadsheet that lists your regular outgoings to the penny. You can't possibly control your spending if you don't know how much there is left to spend!

You are saving 3k a year towards a holiday fund which would clear your debt in 18 months. For what it's worth my children enjoy camping just as much as foreign holidays...you could have a fortnight camping in the summer for well under 1k even if you had to buy the equipment.

On the bright side you do have a decent income and relatively little debt, so there is not too much work to be done to get things back under control. Good luck.

Orange_Ena

Just wanted to say well done for posting, its not easy facing up to things.

I agree with everyone else about your SOA. I don't think anyone has mentioned your gas and electric. Seems quite high to me. Just as a comparison, I live on my own in a 2 bed house and I pay £42 for gas AND electric. Check uSwitch for comparisons or go through cashback websites.

When I had my LBM, I went through every single expense and made it a mission to get it as low as possible, or cancel if it wasn't needed. I started with the things I had to pay like utilities, tv package, etc and worked from there. Why give these utility companies or whoever my hard earned cash? It became a bit of a game and by the time I'd finished, I was saving £180 a month and that was only on boring things, not one thing impacted my life. I did get rid of Virgin tv and went with Freeview and I have not missed it at all.

It also hit me, like a brick, that all anyone NEEDS is food and water, warmth, clothing and somewhere to live. Everything else is a WANT. Don't get me wrong, I do buy the odd nice thing, but I really appreciate what I buy and how hard I had to work to pay for it.

Little things add up to, as do little savings. You might only save £10 a month on something, but that's £120 a year to pay for your house insurance.

My friend goes to Costa Coffee 3 times a week and I worked out she spent about £720 a year..............on coffee...................she could make at home. :eek: She wasn't too happy when I pointed this out to her :rotfl:

Anyway, best of luck to you. You really have come to the right place.

AlexLK

OK I am going to try and answer all your questions.

- Do we need three cars? One of the three cars is 45 years old and costs next to nothing to keep. I've had it since I was twenty years old and do not wish to sell it.

- Presents / holidays? We don't have a fund as such but adding up what we spend over a year equates to that amount.

Nicp. Thank you for your advice. In response:
- Benefit? I've had a word with my wife who confirmed we do get child benefit but she has told me she puts it away into an account for our son.

- Landline telephone? This is for the phone, calls and internet. We are with BT.

- Mobile phone? My wife has a £40 per month contract which she claims to need for work. It has about 7 months to run. Mine is £20.

- Groceries? We spend about £300 on food / cleaning household stuff. £50 on takeaways and £100 on wine.

- Clothing? Um, no excuses there I'm afraid ... I like nice things and to be honest I'm the worst culprit for this.

- Petrol? I had to sell my previous diesel RRS because it was on finance and we couldn't afford it and I bought a LR Disco V8 to replace it which "likes to drink". The wife has a 3.0 litre petrol 5 Series which is not so bad on fuel but worse than her previous 330D.

- Maintenance? It tends to be things I buy for the Triumph. It usually ends up going on my credit card.

- Child related expenses? Money we are putting away towards school fees. My parents have stated they will pay half if we do.

- Presents / Holiday? Stated above.

- Haircuts - This is mainly for my wife.

My wife is very unhappy about how things have become and has said I need to do something about it. She is on board but wants me to deal with it.

I do kind of have other debts in the form of four credit cards I maxed out and am not repaying. This has been going on for two years and they have not sent me to court yet.

sketchingkari: Thank you for your response. I always tended to throw money at any problem and hope things will be OK. I grew up in a similar environment but now we are struggling and I don't know how to change.

Mara - Thank you

yellowcrocus - The holiday budget is a bit of a sore point, my wife works hard and expects to go on holiday. I'm positive my son would enjoy camping but my wife most certainly wouldn't.

Orange Ena - Yes I want is most certainly a problem for me. I enjoy collecting antiques (mainly fountain pens and watches), I limit myself to three of each per year but the cost still runs into the thousands. Before anyone asks, yes I do use the items I collect.

tallyhoh

I think you have had some very good suggestions here about cutting back.
While you are at liberty to ignore any that are definite no no's, you don't appear to want to make any changes at all, I apologise if this is not the case.

The whole point is that you are overspending nearly £700 a month.

While I appreciate that you like antique pens, holidays & the good things in life unfortunately you can no longer afford to maintain this lifestyle.

Something has to give, afraid there is no magic answer, just plain old fashioned cutting back.

Best of luck.

Orange_Ena

AlexLK wrote: »

OK I am going to try and answer all your questions.

- Do we need three cars? One of the three cars is 45 years old and costs next to nothing to keep. I've had it since I was twenty years old and do not wish to sell it.

- Presents / holidays? We don't have a fund as such but adding up what we spend over a year equates to that amount.

Nicp. Thank you for your advice. In response:
- Benefit? I've had a word with my wife who confirmed we do get child benefit but she has told me she puts it away into an account for our son.

- Landline telephone? This is for the phone, calls and internet. We are with BT.

- Mobile phone? My wife has a £40 per month contract which she claims to need for work. It has about 7 months to run. Mine is £20.

- Groceries? We spend about £300 on food / cleaning household stuff. £50 on takeaways and £100 on wine.

- Clothing? Um, no excuses there I'm afraid ... I like nice things and to be honest I'm the worst culprit for this.

- Petrol? I had to sell my previous diesel RRS because it was on finance and we couldn't afford it and I bought a LR Disco V8 to replace it which "likes to drink". The wife has a 3.0 litre petrol 5 Series which is not so bad on fuel but worse than her previous 330D.

- Maintenance? It tends to be things I buy for the Triumph. It usually ends up going on my credit card.

- Child related expenses? Money we are putting away towards school fees. My parents have stated they will pay half if we do.

- Presents / Holiday? Stated above.

- Haircuts - This is mainly for my wife.

My wife is very unhappy about how things have become and has said I need to do something about it. She is on board but wants me to deal with it.

I do kind of have other debts in the form of four credit cards I maxed out and am not repaying. This has been going on for two years and they have not sent me to court yet.

sketchingkari: Thank you for your response. I always tended to throw money at any problem and hope things will be OK. I grew up in a similar environment but now we are struggling and I don't know how to change.

Mara - Thank you

yellowcrocus - The holiday budget is a bit of a sore point, my wife works hard and expects to go on holiday. I'm positive my son would enjoy camping but my wife most certainly wouldn't.

Orange Ena - Yes I want is most certainly a problem for me. I enjoy collecting antiques (mainly fountain pens and watches), I limit myself to three of each per year but the cost still runs into the thousands. Before anyone asks, yes I do use the items I collect.

I know its really hard to face this, people suggesting things, and do this do that, cut this etc. Most of us have been there and obviously you can take onboard all or a little of what we say, its your life and you should live it how you see fit . I hope that didn't come across as rude, I just hope you know what I'm saying. I could be debt free a lot quicker if I cut back to the bone, but I don't want to. I've made the cuts on the boring bills and for me, that is enough. Unless I lose my job or something, then I'll be living on beans!

You say your wife is unhappy and wants you to do something about it all. Well IMO, your're in a partnership and need to deal with things together. You could start being very frugal for example, but then your wife wants to spend this much on this etc. You may need to both make sacrifices in order to become debt free and live the life you want.

As the saying goes, it seems you're living a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget.

You can really do this, get a hold of it before it spirals and a bit of short term pain, will lead to long term gain. Good luck

cwal

Contact BT and see if you can negotiate a better deal - standard line rental is about £15.45 a month, less if you pay it upfront once a year (about £144 I think then) I have broadband from them for £10.65 a month (down from £20 after negotiating) if you could get a similar deal that would save roughly £40 a month.
Good luck with cutting back, I am a bit concerned that your wife is on board but wants you to deal with it - it should really be a joint effort so you can support each other - i.e. she may like a haircut once a month but could she cut this back or go somewhere cheaper.

AlexLK

sketchingkari wrote: »

No holiday for us this year, no funds for it as we are working towards being debt free, we took them last week to the seaside, took some old garden twine, stones and bacon and took them crabbing, then for icecreams and digging/sandcastle building on the beach. We took a picnic and spent less than a tenner that day, on the way home, all they could talk about was what a wonderful day they had, best they could remember, we played, we laughed, we got mucky and we were a family, what more do they need than that?

Also, what kind of a world do you want your child to grow up in? One that has been ravaged and destroyed because of our consumerist ways, all those expensive gadgets and cars have an impact on the environment.......,maybe you could cut back on 'stuff' become more eco-friendly and teach your child the value of the world around him/her instead of just having as many things as possible?

For me, my lightbulb moment wasn't just about money, it was about why we feel so compelled to own so much useless junk, what do we really need it for, surely there is more to life than just working for stuff?

Oh and I think your wife threatening divorce was very underhanded

Your trip to the seaside sounds lovely I would love to be able to do things like that with my son. However, I know a quaint seaside holiday wouldn't go down well with my wife nor her family.

I hadn't thought about any environmental impact my lifestyle was having. I'm a car enthusiast so cutting back on cars is particularly hard for me but I would certainly not want my son growing up with his head constantly fixed to a screen!

There is more to life than working to buy stuff, I agree. By the same token I find it so difficult to get by the "I want" mentality. Especially when I see people who do "have it all".

Thank you for your support. However, I have said to my wife that I'd sacrifice my happiness for her to have hers should she want to leave because to be frank, she deserves better than I. She has been through an awful lot over these past few years, especially when I was ill.

Deep_In_Debt

AlexLK wrote: »

OK I am going to try and answer all your questions.

- Do we need three cars? One of the three cars is 45 years old and costs next to nothing to keep. I've had it since I was twenty years old and do not wish to sell it.

Do you still need 2 cars though? Can you get rid of one and you and your wife share a car?

-- Landline telephone? This is for the phone, calls and internet. We are with BT.

Can you shop around?

Goceries? We spend about £300 on food / cleaning household stuff. £50 on takeaways and £100 on wine.

You can really cut this down. Do away with takeaways for a start. As another poster has said, batch cooking and freezing.

Haircuts - This is mainly for my wife.

Does she need to have haircuts every month? Local colleges often do hair cuts for £5 as students will cut your hair - I've been down that route several times and best hair cuts I've had!

My wife is very unhappy about how things have become and has said I need to do something about it. She is on board but wants me to deal with it.

I certainly think your wife needs to help with this. Expensive hair cuts every month etc is not going to help your situation.

AlexLK

tallyhoh wrote: »

I think you have had some very good suggestions here about cutting back.
While you are at liberty to ignore any that are definite no no's, you don't appear to want to make any changes at all, I apologise if this is not the case.

The whole point is that you are overspending nearly £700 a month.

While I appreciate that you like antique pens, holidays & the good things in life unfortunately you can no longer afford to maintain this lifestyle.

Something has to give, afraid there is no magic answer, just plain old fashioned cutting back.

Best of luck.

I do wish to make changes. However, I look at what I've spent and believe I've cut back so much already. A few years back I spent a hell of a lot more than I do now.

I ought to add with regards to pens / watches when I sell the items I often end up making money. It probably sounds silly but I could start a small (pocket money) business out of watches and pens!

tiny_courageous

You say your wife is on board but it doesn't sound like she is. If this debt was racked up funding the lifestyle you both currently have, then she will need to make sacrifices in order to get rid of the debt. I know you say you're a spendaholic but you're also a partnership. There's such a thing as wilful blindness - I know I've suffered from that when my OH has been buying nice things - I knew deep down he couldn't afford it but that's where the willful blindness comes in. At some point you face the consequences - as a team.

Realistically you need to be putting your 4 maxed out credit cards on the SOA as well. They won't be silent forever.

You have lots of scope to make the £700 saving needed, but it's down to you both to choose where to make the sacrifices.