Please Help.

Granariesgirl

Hi AlexLK -

I know it's tough reading what has been posted on here but these MSE people are just trying to help you & I really think that if you want to get out of the doodoo before a phenomenal amount of it hits the fan, you should really follow their advice.

They are not in the habit of dissing people for the hell of it - many have been there, done it & got the T-shirt. Some will have been in places you can only imagine, debt-wise & have got their act together, their finances healthy & are trying to give you the benefit of their hard won experience - PLEASE take it!

One thought on reducing the serious wine & holiday expenses: have you thought of having several short holidays in France throughout the year & buying wine there? Visiting the different wine regions doesn't have to be expensive if you stay in a Chambre d’Hôtes (we use Gites de France). We've had nights in some lovely places with evening meal & breakfast for 4 for £120 all-in per night! We buy our wine in France (lots of it) & the money saved pays for the crossing & petrol for the return journey.:D

I wish you & your family all the best in your quest for a debt-free future.

AlexLK

tallyhoh wrote: »

No one is berating you for your lack of income, there are three adults in my home earning less together than you earn yourself, we do not claim any form of welfare benefit.

However what you do with that money is the question? you raised the point about your child being given the same education as yourself, not me. I merely questioned it.

At the end of the day you have been offered help & advice & you can choose to accept or ignore it.

Just don't get upset or defensive about it, it wont help.

Sorry for my earlier post, I didn't realise the context in which your comment was made.

Personally, I see education as something much greater than a ticket to a job. I loved every minute of my school and university days and would give up most things to return to academia.

AlexLK

Orange_Ena wrote: »

Nobody wants you to get upset, people just want to impart their moneysaving wisdom. I know that since I discovered MSE, I want to spread the word about how much money you can save with just a little bit of effort. Most of my friends just don't want to hear it :rotfl: I've got a friend who posts numerous times a day on FB about "I need this" or "I so need that" and usually its just some bit of tat. Everytime she does that I have to sit on my hands so I don't reply "You don't NEED it, you WANT it".

I think what I'm trying to say is, is that its a little frustrating when people don't want to take on board advice, whether its wanted or not and whether its harsh or not - when you've seen the light, you want to spread the word. So please don't be offended by anything anyone says, we are trying to help you

You may go away from here fuming about what a bunch of strangers have said to you, but if you even make a few cuts to you bills, its a step in the right direction. Like I said earlier, you take on board as much or as little of the advice as you see fit.

I don't even know what an RRS is! If anyone sneers or comments on your choice of car or whatever, then that's their lookout. You do what's right for you and your family, cause no-one else really matters

I'm actually smiling whilst imagining you sat there ready to write you don't need it, you want it on someones fb account. Honestly, if any of my friends saw me write that, they'd think my account had been hacked!

RRS- Range Rover Sport.

AlexLK

Granariesgirl wrote: »

Hi AlexLK -

I know it's tough reading what has been posted on here but these MSE people are just trying to help you & I really think that if you want to get out of the doodoo before a phenomenal amount of it hits the fan, you should really follow their advice.

They are not in the habit of dissing people for the hell of it - many have been there, done it & got the T-shirt. Some will have been in places you can only imagine, debt-wise & have got their act together, their finances healthy & are trying to give you the benefit of their hard won experience - PLEASE take it!

One thought on reducing the serious wine & holiday expenses: have you thought of having several short holidays in France throughout the year & buying wine there? Visiting the different wine regions doesn't have to be expensive if you stay in a Chambre d’Hôtes (we use Gites de France). We've had nights in some lovely places with evening meal & breakfast for 4 for £120 all-in per night! We buy our wine in France (lots of it) & the money saved pays for the crossing & petrol for the return journey.:D

I wish you & your family all the best in your quest for a debt-free future.

It kind of seems hard to believe the people who seem to be great at living frugally have ever been in a position similar to mine.

As for wine and France - I used to adore going to France when I was a child. So far as wine goes, doing the statement of affairs has made me realise I ought to cut it down, I don't need it and it's not really doing my health much good to be drinking what usually amounts to a bottle a day.

Thank you.

Orange_Ena

AlexLK wrote: »

I'm actually smiling whilst imagining you sat there ready to write you don't need it, you want it on someones fb account. Honestly, if any of my friends saw me write that, they'd think my account had been hacked!

RRS- Range Rover Sport.

Glad you're smiling :T. I'll leave you with a little joke I heard today.......

Why did the Mexican man push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila! :rotfl::rotfl:


Good luck Alex, try and have a good sleep and wake up tomorrow feeling ready to tackle whatever lies ahead. As Martin Lewis :money: says, there really is no money problem that can't be sorted out. Remember that!

FalseEconomist

Hi Alex. Although I don't know your personal experience, I understand a little about the guilt that goes with depression- watching your friends and family, and particularly partner shoulder the burden of everyday living whilst one (well, me) withdraws from it all. I understand your need to provide for your wife now, and try to protect her as perhaps she has been protecting you- but I would offer the thought that the best thing you can offer is your own - non-depressed- self. Anxiety about finances can really trigger or exacerbate depressive episodes, and equally, taking control can boost confidence and coping abilities. If your lovely wife has stuck by you through such tough times then I would think your relationship is made of strong stuff and could probably weather this storm easily. I know this is a quite a personal comment to make to a complete stranger but then the medium of an anonymous Internet forum offers us both the opportunity to give and take advice as we choose.

Good luck with it all- and good luck with BT too

(P.s -sell the pens now whilst you have time to get what they're worth, an enforced sale would maybe only raise a few hundred- again, just an opinion from an uninformed forum user . )

american_dream

Alex I have storked this board for years as I am petrified of debt, I thought I could help... when you started saying you where a big earner, but I looked at your SOA and realise you could never have been unless you have a huge amount of toot to sell? your mortage is average, your debt is something I would wince at but pay off next month, I don't think you have had your light bulb moment yet? can you elaborate? I lost my job this week I have loan but I can pay it tomorrow, I only take loans out to keep my credit up so we can buy a house when we can finally sell our house in the USA, in many ways i don't think you need a LBM, you need a reality check, I don't want you to hide in the hills, please stay, these boards have allowed me to learn this stuff,
I remember about 10 years ago my Dh's cousins other half boasting at Christmas how much he earned in his new job he said to me a female and lets face it women earn less, I am in the Big money now, turned out he at 36 was earning £17.000 he thought that was good, he earned loads more than his friends and family and indeed he should be proud, but he was talking to me and i was earning about £32,000 at the time, PT 30 hours, Dh earn about 4 times that when he is working, very specialist very spasmodic, I have watched this poor man over the years boast to us about the latest this and that he has brought, whilst we talk about our second had this and that, including children's clothes, toys and the rest, we got almost sunk in the crash losing £50,000 in the crash on our house in the UK and we are hanging in 3 years later with our house in the USA we mopved over for a job of Dh's and got caught by both crashes, but we had saved so much we wheren't, as yet, we are renting out our house in the USA and have another 3 years of mortgage saved, but it is rented so we have 7 years in all...I hope, I am not on here to glote, I just do think you can tighten those purse string some more, I wash out 100 for a £1 sanswich bags and I am going blackberry and damsom hunting tomorrow, I have a 2012 grand Cmax, I will walk my children to their state primary and keep that car for the next 10 years, just like I did it predesessor,

sorry if this makes no sence i am dyslexic but also thanks to you people on here for saving us, I lost my job this week and I have savings thanks to you and Old saving

american_dream

PS I smoke I have gieven up due to my non working status and I am a bit grumpy, sorry.

good luck OP, I hope I got across how helpful these boards are, they up to press have help me and Dh not get into debt.

John1993_2

AlexLK wrote: »

I am concerned my son will not have what I had as a child.

I thik that you shoudl try to change your perspective on this point. I had a pretty modest start in life, hand-me-down clothes, holidays in a caravan in the lakes, that sort of thing, and it was utterly idyllic, the best that I could have hoped for.

I decided after university that it would be nice to be rich, so set out to become so, and actually managed to get there. Howver, when I have children, this will disappear from view. They'll attend the local comp, holiday in a caravan, and so on. I don't think it's helpful to show them a life that they might never achieve, and to leave them with a sense of failure, or loss, if they are poorer as adults than they were as children.

You can see this already yourself. You have not been helped by being a rich child. Do you really think that you want your children to have the weight of expectations on them as you have?

I'm not sure how much you were earning in the good years, but as others have said, you've maybe always lived beyond your means. It was only when I earned seven figures that I bought brand new cars, or nice watches. Now that I'm back to mid-six figures (as is the wife), we are back to being a bit more sensible. You look to have been living a champagne lifestyle without a champagne incomme, I'm afraid.

John1993_2

AlexLK wrote: »

This really is a step too far. I have come on here for a little help and advice, not to be berated for my lack of income, which has nothing at all to do with whether or not my parents paid for my education.

No-one's berating you, but they are looking at posts by someone who's living not only a little beyond their means, but vastly beyond them, and who's pushing back against sensible suggestions to cut back.

For example, you want to maintain a collection of expensive pens and watches, as you like having them. This is crazy.

Quite a few people come on here thinking that there is a clever way to keep living the high life, and that the tips and so on will allow it, but it's not the case. For a situation such as yours, the only solution is a truly radical cut in spending.

If you don't do it, you will lose your house, be unable to get another mortgage, and will end up on a council estate waiting list.