Small MIL rant

dizziblonde

I have a narcissistic mother - best way to describe it (and it's not just annoying - it's something really different and quite slippery to define) is that she can turn any distress or trauma in my life around to be about HER... so when I confided I was being dreadfully bullied at school - she just sobbed and wailed about how I'd made her relive her own awful school days... when I asked her to stop opening my post and gave her some printed out labels to forward the odd thing on that still arrived at her house - she weeped and wailed about how she was only trying to help (she'd do things like cut up bank cards and ring places up pretending to be me) and how ungrateful I was that she'd given me my life.

That sort of thing.

Prothet_of_Doom

I wouldn't let my mother look after my dog. They live across the road from a farm, and have no fence around their garden, and I'm still getting over the fact that 18 years ago I came round after a day at work, when They'd been looking after our 2 year old, and asked where he was...No idea....He was sitting in the pond, trying to get out..had fallen in head first.

Errata

Tell your MIL the dog has had a checkup and the vet has said it needs the food you feed it on and no other type, otherwise it won't grow healthily and the vet bills will be eye watering.
Put your cloth ears on when she talks about having your DD's hair cut, don't rise to the bait.

paulineb_2

alias*alibi wrote: »

Thanks. They absolutely adore the dog but its little things they do which undermine what we do with her, I.e. what we feed her to where she sleeps. The other day it's where is the dog sleeping now you've taken down her cage; so I said the kitchen and was met with 'oh really; she slept upstairs with me when at ours'. Fine; we have laminate floor in the bedroom and the dogs claws drive me insane clip clopping about on that all night. It's just constant little niggles like I can't think for myself/parent my daughter/care for a dog type of niggles.

I hear what you're saying about kennelling the dog but then we'd get asked why we didn't leave the dog with them etc. Hard one I must admit. And DD's hair is far from straggly; MIL doesn't like it as it requires effort to look after it when with her rather than something shorter which she can manage. At the end of the day she doesn't have to manage it for more than a couple of days which is no excuse for me to go lopping off DD's hair to suit MIL.

Id be kennelling the dog as well, or employing the services of a dog walker.

I understand why you are upset, but on the flip side I assume your MIL and FIL are doing this for no money?

If Im wrong you can correct me. If they arent doing it right and its causing you problems, then move the dog to somewhere where its going to get looked after to your exact wishes.

And the comments about the hair can go in one ear and out the other.

paulineb_2

alias*alibi wrote: »

Yeah she does; well FIL does should I say and is fantastic. He idolises both DD and the dog; takes then both out and tires them out and does everything with them. MIL takes a backseat but has the most to say. Typical woman I guess!

I just wanted to know if its me being over picky or whether she was interfering in a 'friendly' way. This is the MIL who did put me through the emotional wringer abit when OH had his affair and said 'it was all in my head' and called me a bad parent during that period... so maybe I latch on to what she says more than most would.

Well yes, maybe there are unresolved issues and thats why you are getting upset about all of this.

Perhaps theres stuff you and your family need to resolve, including your husband.

maman

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Fine in your own home. But not in somebody else's.

Person_one wrote: »

She seems to disapprove of (sorry, be 'infuriated' by) both!

That's true. I don't know if it's different because it's my DD rather than my DIL (I don't have one of those). It's just that she professes to believe in not 'spoiling' her dog or DGD but gives in all the time. It's her choice of course. I suppose what really disappoints/infuriates me is that she gives in too easily IMO. But as I said, other than an occasional raised eyebrow (almost imperceptible, honest) I don't comment.

alias*alibi

fluffnutter wrote: »

My mother's mother marched me down to the hairdresser's and had all my long hair cut short when I was eight. Whilst it's not exactly the world's greatest trauma, I've never actually forgiven my mother for letting it happen.

Don't allow your MIL to bully you. Bring your child/ren up as you wish.

I must admit I had visions if her doing that whilst my DD was there last week. I would had done my nut! I know its 'old school' thinking on her part about hair etc, but the things with the dog is that she is blatantly ignoring us regarding some things. Poor FIL just keeps quiet and never interferes.

alias*alibi

Pearlstar wrote: »

I have to say I cannot believe the fuss made about dogs diets now, I was in trouble for feeding my DILs dog leftovers, seems mad to me as its a lab and everyone knows they eat anything - literally!

Maybe you should look at the cost of kennels it may change your attitude a bit!

Lamb is seriously not the food to be feeding a shihtzu; it makes them very ill. If I ask her not to feed it lamb then I expect her not to do so; not question my reasoning behind it. They offered to look after the dog, we didn't ask, and advised what she can and can't eat. I don't then expect my dog to then still be fed food that will make her ill. Will they pick up the vet bill if they make her ill?

CH27

She's doing it for free.
If you don't like it change the arrangement.

alias*alibi

CH27 wrote: »

She's doing it for free.
If you don't like it change the arrangement.

Won't be free if the dog ever has to go to the vets though will it? But thanks for your 'advice'.