Small MIL rant

alias*alibi

Arrggghh she drives me nuts sometimes. I know her intentions are good but for gods sake woman!!!

My DD has mid back length hair. All I've heard is 'get a haircut before you go back to school' and when DD says no she wants it long, MIL chips in with 'get it trimmed at least please'. Erm, no DD will not be getting it cut as she doesn't want it done and neither do I. Drives me up the wall.

The other thing is our dog; a 9 month old shihtzu. They kindly look after her for us but feed her junk. She also feeds her chicken all the time when we've said not too as it makes her fussy when she comes home. She questions our choices on what we feed her (no bloody lamb for gods knows how many times) etc, thinking we make up half the stuff to annoy her but have researched it; they let her out in their dog/child unfriendly backyard to eat soil then when she gets filthy they shower her with her leather collar on.

She means well but I always feel like a child when she 'dictates' stuff in front of me.

Is this narcisstic?

geri1965_2

It doesn't sound narcissitic to me, just mildly annoying.

If you don't like the way she looks after your dog, give it to someone else to look after.

As for the hair thing, just ignore her. My mum is always making remarks about mine, why don't I grow it? Why don't I cut it? Why don't I go to a decent hairdresser? I just let it roll over me like water off a duck's back.

LisaLou1982

No.

Its simply a difference in opinion.

Sorry to be blunt but if she looks after your dog for you then either put up with it or make alternative arrangements to have the dog looked after.

And tbh i with your MIL - why isnt your daughter having a regular trim on her hair? Nothing worse than a child with long straggly hair.

Alikay

alias*alibi wrote: »

Is this narcisstic?

No, it's just flaming annoying, and from my experience totally par-for-the-course for MIL's

Try putting the dog in kennels when you go away, and leave DD to fight her own battles with her granny re haircuts. Betcha it won't take long for your MIL to find something else to needle you about .

tanith

As you say she probably means well , if she's not looking after your dog to your standard and won't do what you say as regards feeding the dog etc, then don't ask her to look after it again that way she won't annoy you. Mothers always see their offspring and their spouses as 'children' no matter their age or family status and just can't help giving 'helpful' advice I'm afraid. Things could be a whole lot worse.

alias*alibi

geri1965 wrote: »

It doesn't sound narcissitic to me, just mildly annoying.

If you don't like the way she looks after your dog, give it to someone else to look after.

As for the hair thing, just ignore her. My mum is always making remarks about mine, why don't I grow it? Why don't I cut it? Why don't I go to a decent hairdresser? I just let it roll over me like water off a duck's back.

Thanks. They absolutely adore the dog but its little things they do which undermine what we do with her, I.e. what we feed her to where she sleeps. The other day it's where is the dog sleeping now you've taken down her cage; so I said the kitchen and was met with 'oh really; she slept upstairs with me when at ours'. Fine; we have laminate floor in the bedroom and the dogs claws drive me insane clip clopping about on that all night. It's just constant little niggles like I can't think for myself/parent my daughter/care for a dog type of niggles.

I hear what you're saying about kennelling the dog but then we'd get asked why we didn't leave the dog with them etc. Hard one I must admit. And DD's hair is far from straggly; MIL doesn't like it as it requires effort to look after it when with her rather than something shorter which she can manage. At the end of the day she doesn't have to manage it for more than a couple of days which is no excuse for me to go lopping off DD's hair to suit MIL.

chris_n_tj

Lol sounds to me like your MIL does a fair bit for you. Dog sitting, Child minding. Of course us MIL's are usually free as well lol.
I am a great MIL, my SIL tells everyone and he rings me most days to ask if we, (hubby and I) are ok. xxx

KxMx

alias*alibi wrote: »

I hear what you're saying about kennelling the dog but then we'd get asked why we didn't leave the dog with them etc. Hard one I must admit.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but with this issue there isn't a perfect solution so choose the lesser evil. Only you know whether that is accepting how MIL cares for the dog or being asked/guilted/huffed at for putting him in a kennel and not with them.

Yes MIL does appear to do alot for you but that doesn't excuse interfering! Always some who think otherwise though!

chris_n_tj

KxMx wrote: »

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic but with this issue there isn't a perfect solution so choose the lesser evil. Only you know whether that is accepting how MIL cares for the dog or being asked/guilted/huffed at for putting him in a kennel and not with them.

Yes MIL does appear to do alot for you but that doesn't excuse interfering! Always some who think otherwise though!

Lol not me for one, I never ever interfear. If I am asked my oppinion I give it, my Granddaughter has the same rules at our home, as does the dog, that way there is no misunderstanding, thats not good for either kids or animals. I vowed never ever to be like other MIL's and I think its paid off. There should be a booklet for new MIL's to follow lol.

alias*alibi

chris_n_tj wrote: »

Lol sounds to me like your MIL does a fair bit for you. Dog sitting, Child minding. Of course us MIL's are usually free as well lol.
I am a great MIL, my SIL tells everyone and he rings me most days to ask if we, (hubby and I) are ok. xxx

Yeah she does; well FIL does should I say and is fantastic. He idolises both DD and the dog; takes then both out and tires them out and does everything with them. MIL takes a backseat but has the most to say. Typical woman I guess!

I just wanted to know if its me being over picky or whether she was interfering in a 'friendly' way. This is the MIL who did put me through the emotional wringer abit when OH had his affair and said 'it was all in my head' and called me a bad parent during that period... so maybe I latch on to what she says more than most would.

Person_one

Dogs are supposed to be a bit spoiled when they go to 'Grandma's house'.

The last bit of your most recent post is far more of an issue than hair or dog food! Did you ever discuss this with her?