Freeloading friend!

double_mummy

i have a friend who i love dearly but is in quite a lot of debt if i offer to take her out for a coffee i know im paying for it but she repays me in other ways at the end of the month she always asks how much i would like for diesel from that month she babysits my kids so i can have a relaxed night out (not worrying about them) inviting my family over for a sunday dinner doing a little picnic when we take the kids to the park, she will repair and adjust the kids clothes for me

i think overall we are about even even though in monetary terms at the time i spend more money but she also saves me lots of money so i think if its more of do you get anything else out of this friendship that makes up for the monetary loss and is it done honestly or deceptively

prowla

My ex and me have a friend who borrowed some money from us in hard times.

She paid most of it back, apart from £300.

We hit hard times, and the friend went on holiday whilst we couldn't afford to.

If the situation arises again, I won't be offering assistance.

CKhalvashi

double_mummy wrote: »

i have a friend who i love dearly but is in quite a lot of debt if i offer to take her out for a coffee i know im paying for it but she repays me in other ways at the end of the month she always asks how much i would like for diesel from that month she babysits my kids so i can have a relaxed night out (not worrying about them) inviting my family over for a sunday dinner doing a little picnic when we take the kids to the park, she will repair and adjust the kids clothes for me

i think overall we are about even even though in monetary terms at the time i spend more money but she also saves me lots of money so i think if its more of do you get anything else out of this friendship that makes up for the monetary loss and is it done honestly or deceptively

This is what I was thinking, but in the case, it doesn't seem to be happening.

We have a saying in Georgia; 'If you want to lose a friend, lend them money', and whilst I'll do a round of drinks often, I know that I'll get it back later on, but at the same time, this 'friend' (in the OP) does seem to be freeloading.

CK

RuthnJasper

bestpud wrote: »

... I messed up a few weeks back and she saw me paying for our drinks with a £10 note. We were at a railway station and her daughter was saying she was thirsty but they didn't take cards.

She borrowed a couple of pound and there was no mention of it until I said she could buy my coffee next time we were going for one.

She said, 'oh yeah' but then ordered just hers so I had to remind her at the counter that she was buying mine.

She did it but I felt awful - it makes me feel ill.

I couldn't let it go though as I know it would bother me to be had again.

She almost let another friend pay for a meal a few weeks back too and I was sat there feeling horrible because I knew she had the money to pay but she was saying she'd just have a coffee because she didn't have much money.

Luckily the other friend gave in quickly when she protested and she ended up paying for her own food!

She's very good at it - she really has the knack!

She even reported her bank card stolen once, so I ended up paying for her daughter to go to the cinema and them for her breakfast as she'd not eaten, and I'm convinced she knew where it was all along.

I got £5 back to cover the cinema and food...?

I could go on all night about the stunts she has pulled!

OK - you didn't "mess up". This person clearly has eyes like a hungry vulture on the hunt for prey where money is concerned. Normal people don't see a person take £10 from their purse and think "How much of that can I sting 'em for...?"

Secondly - it is making you feel wretched and distressed and there's no way you deserve that. Obviously I can only see what you have posted on this thread, but from what I've read this is only going to go one way; and that's not going to be good for you. Do you really want to be reduced to tears by her actions?

The incident you mention with your other friend - where she leeched despite having money to pay disgusts me. And what sort of example is she setting to her child?!? Revolting.

Sorry - but drop her. She's toxic and she's not going to get any better. And if she questions why you don't go out with her any more - tell her. You can't afford her company (financially and otherwise) and it's clearly making you desperately unhappy.

Wishing you better times with genuine friends. xx

andygb

RuthnJasper wrote: »

OK - you didn't "mess up". This person clearly has eyes like a hungry vulture on the hunt for prey where money is concerned. Normal people don't see a person take £10 from their purse and think "How much of that can I sting 'em for...?"

:beer:
Exactly this. The OP has been more than generous with a person who does not deserve a good friend.
The actions of this person go beyond freeloading, and in the words of Sir Alan Sugar, they should be "FIRED!".

prowla

You've got to wonder if she is genuinely your "friend", or you are just someone who is an easy touch...

bestpud

RuthnJasper wrote: »

OK - you didn't "mess up". This person clearly has eyes like a hungry vulture on the hunt for prey where money is concerned. Normal people don't see a person take £10 from their purse and think "How much of that can I sting 'em for...?"

Secondly - it is making you feel wretched and distressed and there's no way you deserve that. Obviously I can only see what you have posted on this thread, but from what I've read this is only going to go one way; and that's not going to be good for you. Do you really want to be reduced to tears by her actions?

The incident you mention with your other friend - where she leeched despite having money to pay disgusts me. And what sort of example is she setting to her child?!? Revolting.

Sorry - but drop her. She's toxic and she's not going to get any better. And if she questions why you don't go out with her any more - tell her. You can't afford her company (financially and otherwise) and it's clearly making you desperately unhappy.

Wishing you better times with genuine friends. xx

Funny you should say about her daughter.

I was talking some more with my husband last night and our daughter said this woman's daughter is the same.

She said she lends her money for the locker when they go swimming and then has to ask her several times to get it back - she said she ignores her the first few times and then says,' oh, sorry, I didn't hear you / I forgot about it.'

Hmm! Luckily my daughter isn't backward at coming forward and she's never got away with it!

Trazy

notanewuser wrote: »

I have friends who ALWAYS order the most expensive items on the menu, plus lots of booze, and then want to split the bill equally. We called them on it years ago. Bloody !!!!!!!!!!s.

I know somebody like this, I refuse to play her games now and I pay for what I order.

The breaking point was when she ordered lobster and steak and sat drinking cocktails all evening, I refused to fund her choices and thankfully everybody else backed me up.

She ended up with a large bill that evening.:beer:

starlight29

Oh dear not good maybe your daughter should start saying she hasnt got any money for her locker as well ? Might be easier than your daughter having to keep asking for it back ?


Starlight

paulineb_2

starlight29 wrote: »

Oh dear not good maybe your daughter should start saying she hasnt got any money for her locker as well ? Might be easier than your daughter having to keep asking for it back ?


Starlight

Or find a new friend. One thats not a tight !!!!.