Freeloading friend!

bestpud

Does anyone else have a friend who has no conscience when it comes to money?

I really like her and we share many values, but she is a complete pain in the rear when it comes to money!

She avoids paying at all costs and I have to repeatedly ask her if she owes money. She makes out she forgets but I can't see that as she is so on the ball in every other area!

I refuse to pay for anything now - if we are paying jointly for something then I make sure I have cash for my part and she uses her card. I take just enough cash for us so I can't be conned into lending money too.

The other day though, we did that and I gave her my half of the fee in cash but then found we had to pay less as someone with us had a card that covered part of our fee and she didn't mention the money I'd already given her at all!

In the end, after mentioning it twice and being ignored, I pinned her in the reception area, got some change from my bag and said, 'right, if I give you this and you give me my £5 back then we are quits.' She replied, 'oh, I have no idea what you are doing - I did have £5.' I didn't reply as I was just pleased to get my money back!

The bit that narks me more is she never offers petrol money and it would have cost her twice the entrance fee to use the bus. Would it hurt her to pay part of our entrance fee? Is that unreasonable of me?

She will pay it if I'm really blunt and ask several times, but I really don't want the hassle.

Honestly, she's perfected it to an art! It took me ages to see what was happening and she's so clever at it that I still question myself sometimes!

Lately I've been saying I will pick them up from somewhere near me as I can cope with no petrol contribution as long as I'm not going out of my way to provide a door to door service.

The problem with this is other friends sometimes ask if I'm dropping them home (last time was because they had a bulky item they needed to return to her) and I feel mean when I say no. Plus the other friends don't know the background so probably think I'm mean too.

Other than tell the others why I come cross as a b****h, what can I do?

Please tell me I'm not alone!

Galaxy1987

I had a friend like this once. All she wanted was me paying for everything with the promise of paying back. I had enough and told her in passing that with the rise in cost of things I was barely keeping my head above water. When she wanted to do something/go somewhere I declined saying I had no money and we could do something else but she would find someone else. It showed a true friend.

Also with driving people about I would explain that fuel is costing you more than ever and that you cant afford to take them to their door unless it was on your way. People who dont drive dont realise the cost of fuel, and think an extra 15 miles wont cost much but it all adds up.

Time to sit down and talk money.

DUTR

If you are a bloke it's called having a GF :lol
years ago we used to have the free loads but they have dwindled out now, it's not really the part of being tight, but just being fair.
Holidays were bad as in some would miss the deposit date and end up paying for the holiday when it was nearly time for the next, now it's just this is the date for the deposit, those that are in are in, those that miss the date make your own arrangements, all peacefull now :cool:

marisco_2

No, you are not alone. One of my friends often tried to mess people around over money. All she achieved by this was to slowly isolate herself. It all came to a head when we were out celebrating my birthday a few months back. It had been agreed that we would each pay our way as it was an expensive restaurant. Lo and behold the bill comes up and she starts making excuses. One of the party had some Dutch courage as she'd got over friendly with Mr G&T, and told her to cough up or she'd be doing the dishes. I swear when she took some ten pound notes from her wallet the queen was blinking in the light. She hasn't tried it on since with any of us

bestpud

I have spoken to her about it but she just said she didn't have money for a long time (that is true and the reason she got away with it for as long as she did!) and she still thinks she doesn't have any.

That just told me that it is deliberate and she can't get out of the habit.

She's better off than I am now.

I really like her otherwise and wish we didn't have this wedge between us.

marisco_2

bestpud wrote: »

I have spoken to her about it but she just said she didn't have money for a long time

For her own sake she needs to sort out how she handles her finances. Has anyone ever explained to her how to budget properly? If she knew how to set up her bills and expenses on direct debit, and to work out how much she needed to live on month to month, then she could feel confident about what her free spends were. Perhaps she is one of those people who is in chaos with their income and doesn't know where they are at!

Or she could of course be really on the ball, have loads squirrelled away and be trying her luck. You know her best and which scenario is most likely to apply. Either way I wouldn't be subbing her or letting her take the mick any more if I was you. Meet her at places rather than ferrying her around and only carry enough cash to cover yourself. She will soon get the message if you stand firm with her.

bestpud

marisco wrote: »

For her own sake she needs to sort out how she handles her finances. Has anyone ever explained to her how to budget properly? If she knew how to set up her bills and expenses on direct debit, and to work out how much she needed to live on month to month, then she could feel confident about what her free spends were. Perhaps she is one of those people who is in chaos with their income and doesn't know where they are at!

Or she could of course be really on the ball, have loads squirrelled away and be trying her luck. You know her best and which scenario is most likely to apply. Either way I wouldn't be subbing her or letting her take the mick any more if I was you. Meet her at places rather than ferrying her around and only carry enough cash to cover yourself. She will soon get the message if you stand firm with her.

She's saving an awful lot at the moment.

She had the cheek to suggest I help her out because she'd put too much into her savings account and not left enough in her current account to live on.

She has had debt problems but they were cleared with a debt relief order and she now has plenty of money.

BitterAndTwisted

I used to have a friend like this but I wised up in the end and got rid. If I wanted to support someone I would have had a child and done it properly.

The problem with people like this is that they are brutally and brazenly exploitative and there's nothing you can do to shame them into behaving like a decent person because they are not and will never be one. Meanwhile they are pleading poverty but have more money stashed away than ruddy Croesus.

Do not be treated like a mug or you will become one.

Treevo

I had a friend exactly like this - always 'forgetting' and leaving the table at just the wrong (right for her!) time.

In the end it didn't matter how much we got on - I wasn't willing to be friends with a thief because that's what she was. That's what your friend is. Don't sugarcoat it. Get rid and save yourself a fortune.

paulineb_2

Thats not a friend, sorry, you are being used and shes making you look bad to other people when you get upset and shes trying to make a few extra quid, such as the other day

Who needs the hassle. I wouldnt call that a friend.

BitterAndTwisted

Some people say "it's not easy to put a value on friendship" but it's fairly straightforward to put a cash-value on this one, isn't it?

Everything depends on how desperate you are to hang onto this friend but of one thing you must be absolutely certain: your importance to them goes only as far as they are able to exploit you and no further. If you confessed to suddenly finding yourself a pauper and needing their help you know that you would not see them for dust.