Freeloading friend!

Just_Plain_Jane

Call her and say you've had your purse/wallet nicked with the housekeeping money in it. You've got 50p until payday and could she see her way clear to lending you twenty quid to tide you over?

You'll get a barrow load of excuses and she'll almost certainly never darken your door again.

brightonman123

why not go out, and 'forget' your wallet.. time to see how good your friendship really is.

carefullycautious

I know someone who was caught out like this and the money ran nearly into the thousands when they added up all the outings they had paid for and drinks etc. It was a very upsetting learning curve and the friendship died a death.

bestpud

Thanks all.

My husband has suggested I get some distance between us since we spent a few days with them and he could see how she manages to take more than give.

Another friend, who is very generous as a rule, also refused to 'share' provisions one day and my husband and I both thought she has obviously started to feel put on too.

I'm going to start telling her how much she needs to pay if she wants to go somewhere with us and see how it goes.

I wish it didn't annoy me but it does and I hate feeling resentful. I can't afford to sub her but I think I'd feel the same if I could - it's just not nice to feel used.

RuthnJasper

bestpud wrote: »

Thanks all.

My husband has suggested I get some distance between us since we spent a few days with them and he could see how she manages to take more than give.

Another friend, who is very generous as a rule, also refused to 'share' provisions one day and my husband and I both thought she has obviously started to feel put on too.

I'm going to start telling her how much she needs to pay if she wants to go somewhere with us and see how it goes.

I wish it didn't annoy me but it does and I hate feeling resentful. I can't afford to sub her but I think I'd feel the same if I could - it's just not nice to feel used.

Your husband sounds like a smart man. You mustn't feel bad. It is not YOUR fault that your friend is a cheapskate. You're obviously a very lovely individual and your friend's penny-pinching is absolutely no reflection on you as a person.

I guess one other way around the issue might be to go out with only enough cash for your own expenses and no cards. Pay your own way and, if she doesn't have enough cash to cover her own expenses let her explain herself to the landlord/waiter/etc. But - again - doing this does not make you a bad friend or human being. xx

WolfSong2000

My best friend has a habit of doing the same thing, though I am still trying to work out if it's deliberate. Latest incident, we went to the cinema and I bought both our tickets online to save 10% - friend never paid me for her ticket. Will bring it up next time I see her. I also had to kick up a fuss when we were living together as she didn't always contribute to bills. Some things I let slide, others I take her up on...if your friendship is strong, then hopefully she wont take offence at a polite reminder.

paulineb_2

If someone cant pay their own way or makes such a fuss that its embarassing, Id find other people to spend my time with socially

Im skint most of the time and people know this, if I cant afford to go somewhere, I stay in and cook a meal in the house or I go to the gym, something thats already paid for

No way would I go out for a night out if I didnt have the money

But the OPs friend does have cash, no excuse for the way shes behaving, its mean, its ridiculous and no wonder the friendship is wobbling

Shes a user, thats how I see it.

bestpud

RuthnJasper wrote: »

Your husband sounds like a smart man. You mustn't feel bad. It is not YOUR fault that your friend is a cheapskate. You're obviously a very lovely individual and your friend's penny-pinching is absolutely no reflection on you as a person.

I guess one other way around the issue might be to go out with only enough cash for your own expenses and no cards. Pay your own way and, if she doesn't have enough cash to cover her own expenses let her explain herself to the landlord/waiter/etc. But - again - doing this does not make you a bad friend or human being. xx

I've been doing that for a while but I didn't foresee the latest issue I mentioned above.

Also, I messed up a few weeks back and she saw me paying for our drinks with a £10 note. We were at a railway station and her daughter was saying she was thirsty but they didn't take cards.

She borrowed a couple of pound and there was no mention of it until I said she could buy my coffee next time we were going for one.

She said, 'oh yeah' but then ordered just hers so I had to remind her at the counter that she was buying mine.

She did it but I felt awful - it makes me feel ill.

I couldn't let it go though as I know it would bother me to be had again.

She almost let another friend pay for a meal a few weeks back too and I was sat there feeling horrible because I knew she had the money to pay but she was saying she'd just have a coffee because she didn't have much money.

Luckily the other friend gave in quickly when she protested and she ended up paying for her own food!

She's very good at it - she really has the knack!

She even reported her bank card stolen once, so I ended up paying for her daughter to go to the cinema and them for her breakfast as she'd not eaten, and I'm convinced she knew where it was all along.

I got £5 back to cover the cinema and food...?

I could go on all night about the stunts she has pulled!

paulineb_2

bestpud wrote: »

I've been doing that for a while but I didn't foresee the latest issue I mentioned above.

Also, I messed up a few weeks back and she saw me paying for our drinks with a £10 note. We were at a railway station and her daughter was saying she was thirsty but they didn't take cards.

She borrowed a couple of pound and there was no mention of it until I said she could buy my coffee next time we were going for one.

She said, 'oh yeah' but then ordered just hers so I had to remind her at the counter that she was buying mine.

She did it but I felt awful - it makes me feel ill.

I couldn't let it go though as I know it would bother me to be had again.

She almost let another friend pay for a meal a few weeks back too and I was sat there feeling horrible because I knew she had the money to pay but she was saying she'd just have a coffee because she didn't have much money.

Luckily the other friend gave in quickly when she protested and she ended up paying for her own food!

She's very good at it - she really has the knack!

She even reported her bank card stolen once, so I ended up paying for her daughter to go to the cinema and them for her breakfast as she'd not eaten, and I'm convinced she knew where it was all along.

I got £5 back to cover the cinema and food...?

I could go on all night about the stunts she has pulled!

Why do you bother with someone like this. I understand shes a friend but come on

She is at it. Shes using you, shes trying to use other people too, she has cash

She may have a fear of getting into debt again but its not on. Id rather die of shame than report a card stolen so someone could pay for me

And rather than pay you back the money she owes you, you have to make yourself ill challenging this idiot so you arent "had" again

If it were me, Id be sending a text or an email saying, I'll be socialising with you when you can pay your own way and stop pulling stunts to try and get other people to pay for you.

And if thats never, then so be it.

bestpud

This thread has helped a lot - sometimes I just need people to say what I'm thinking!