Moral dilemma estranged family

ska_lover

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think User will do something that a poster says just because a poster says it!

If you're unsure of what to do, it can be very useful to hear what others will do. Your own reaction to the suggestions can guide you towards what's right for you.

LOL!!! Do you know the OP? You cannot know what they would do.

None of us can say what we would do in this situation, none of us have walked a mile in the OPs shoes, or have to live with the consequences of such actions

marisco_2

Someone would have to be very young and naïve, to be easily influenced by anything others write on an internet forum, and for this to quickly determine what they ultimately do. Most sensible people would ask for perspective on their situation, take from the advice given what they feel applies, and then give some more considered thought before making a decision.

pmlindyloo

User999 wrote: »

I think I'm in 2 minds about going because I'm feeling compassion. I don't dislike my family anymore but I don't feel love at all.

I hope you don't mind my highlighting this part but I suspect that this is why you should postpone your retreat.

No matter how much you dislike your mother I think you can regret the life that she and you could have had. That it no way prevents anyone stopping all contact whilst they are alive. Sometimes that is the only way that you can continue with your own life.

However, when their time comes I think we all think of what could have been. She is no longer in a position to 'hurt you' and so you can start on the journey of what could have been and how sad it is that she could not have made a proper relationship with you.

For this reason alone I think you should stay at home and reflect on what could have been and perhaps, if it doesn't sound too sentimental, shed a few tears.

It isn't about what others think but (as many posters have already said) how you live with yourself. Staying at home will give you time to bring closure and then to move on with no regrets.

paulineb_2

marisco wrote: »

Someone would have to be very young and naïve, to be easily influenced by anything others write on an internet forum, and for this to quickly determine what they ultimately do. Most sensible people would ask for perspective on their situation, take from the advice given what they feel applies, and then give some more considered thought before making a decision.

Some people have made quite radical decisions from threads on here and not that young either.

I think sometimes we underestimate the effect our advice can have on other people.

southoftheriver

I don't think blood is thicker than water. I have friends who have been more like family to me than anyone i'm related too. I've also distanced myself from family who like to play games and manipulate so I understand your dilemma OP.

If you are only staying around so that you appease the rest of your family who have hurt you, then go. But if your retreat will be spoiled by thoughts of what is happening then stay. The retreat can be done at another time if needed.

I wish I had a family where this sort of thing was never an issue either, but some of us aren't that lucky.

Fishingtime

Go on holiday and have a lovely time.

sukysue

Yes, go and have a great time . Your family may stop bothering with you after your mum's funeral sadly. I can't see anything changing in all honesty so you may as well do what will make you happiest. Sorry about your past problems and your mum's imminent death it's not easy for you Good luck my dear.

ska_lover

marisco wrote: »

Someone would have to be very young and naïve, to be easily influenced by anything others write on an internet forum, and for this to quickly determine what they ultimately do. Most sensible people would ask for perspective on their situation, take from the advice given what they feel applies, and then give some more considered thought before making a decision.

If you read the news, you will see the people DO do what internet forums tell them to do. With sometimes tragic consequences.

I have no more to add to this as you clearly have some issue but I find you repetitive - and this thread isn't about you trying to prove some point

Mojisola

Mojisola wrote: »

I don't think User will do something that a poster says just because a poster says it!

If you're unsure of what to do, it can be very useful to hear what others will do. Your own reaction to the suggestions can guide you towards what's right for you.

ska_lover wrote: »

LOL!!! Do you know the OP? You cannot know what they would do.

None of us can say what we would do in this situation, none of us have walked a mile in the OPs shoes, or have to live with the consequences of such actions

And I haven't said what she should or would do. I've said that by hearing other people's opinions, the OP could get a better idea of what will be right for her.

eskimo26

Will it give you closure to stay at home and go through the process? That's the only reason i would do it, if you feel you have already said your goodbyes and don't need closure go to your retreat.

You talk about compassion but remember at these times people will be very stressed and over emotional so some may ignore you, others may say horrible things to you and some may bond with you. People will be making their feelings very clear.

It may be a barrage so be prepared and best wishes to you.