How can I help them...

seven-day-weekend

I'm pretty sure that if they tried they could get a sheltered flat based on the f-i-l's health.

They have spent money given a Housing Benefit on other stuff, after moving into a flat they could not afford. I don't know what they could have been thinking of.

If they didn't like the children having to give up their bedrooms, when they all lived together, they could have slept on a sofa bed/air bed in the sitting room. It's not the childrens' fault they are in this mess.

TBH, and I don't like to be nasty, they appear to have been pretty irresponsible and in denial all the way through.

I hope however that they get something sorted soon, but more importantly, learn from the experience.

Errata

Marisco - You forgot the m a f i a bit.

nimbo

esmy wrote: »

'..... social services would have to be involved, as it is a form of private fostering (incidentally with no form of payment attached - so don't be getting your hopes up there). If a case like this crossed my desk on placement I would be despairing. Also this will be another form of stress for Granny, and the children as SS will be speaking to them all...

Granny and Grandpa need to speak to social services - call them on Tuesday. They need to be assessed, they need to put their name on the council house waiting list, and they need to gather evidence of Grandpa's issues, as well as any Granny can bring to the table.'

Although I agree this isn't a good idea, it is not correct that this would be a private fostering placement - close relatives are not considered to be private foster carers and no assessment would be needed from Social Services.

since Victoria Climbe all children who are not living with their immediate parents are considered to be privately fostered, and at least in the beginning of the situation they will be checked up on by SS to ensure their safety.

Many of these cases are then allowed to continue and thrive, if they are in the best interest of the child - but they SHOULD be initially monitored to ensure the best for the child/children involved. (as well as in this case the best for the older people who would be gaining a child to look after)...

Below is what SHOULD happen - with the slight difference of the assessment panel - as the child would not be a looked after child - but I can only assume ss were at some point involved in the process of removing the children of the home of the natural mother, as she would have failed to protect them... They would need to be notified of any changes in the caring for the child (when they are as massive as changing who is doing the caring).
The Assessment Process

• You will be required to complete a Family and Friends Application Form
• You will be expected to have full medical checks with your GP. This will be paid for by the Children & Young People’s Service
• Provide 2 personal referees who can comment on your suitability as a prospective carer. Referees will also be interviewed by the social worker
• Agree for Criminal Records Bureau (CRB) forms to be completed and provide relevant ID
• A social worker would then prepare a report about you which would be presented to the Fostering Panel who would give their views on whether you should be a Family and Friends Carer for a particular child

Dunroamin

Marisco wrote: »

I've read this thread with incredulity!!! :eek: To sum up, parents in law sold their house here, bought a place in Turkey, then pi**ed the rest of the money up the wall, came back broke and expect all sorts of benefits. FIL is on his way to full blown dementia, and MIL is stressed to hell and cannot cope, hence trashed flat. Benefits are not forthcoming so the OP then wants a disturbed 9 year old to go and live with them, so they can claim the child related benefits. Is that a fair summation of the story so far?

Unbelievable!!

Got it in one!

nimbo

margaretclare wrote: »

Incidentally, in response to nimbo: 'anyone over 50 is classified as an older person'. You surely must have a proportion of mature students? In my group at university years ago, several of us were around 50, and some were considerably over that.

Sorry, doesn't help the OP. In fact, I'm not sure at all that there is any way out of this impasse.

http://www.eastsussex.gov.uk/community/over50s/olderpeoplesday.htm

Hi I'm not trying to be ageist - or facetious, according to definition in this country anyone over 50 is classed as an 'older person' - I did go on to say we find this to be ludicrous. HOWEVER it does mean 'older people's' services will be available to the Grandfather. (my mother is 64, and she would still happily put salt in the coffee of anyone who said it to her face - however in this case the idiosyncrasy of the UK definition works in the favor of the OP's FIL)...

we worked with an 'older people's group' around how to work with older people, and terminology etc - we had a 51 year old, and one of the students is convinced she dated him in high school... We were all joking that we wanted to work with someone older, because he just didn't seem to be old, he was a really active guy, who was fitter than me at 30...

ab.da54

sovilla wrote: »

I've said we will try and pay some of their rent for them in return for them picking our kids up from school.

My concern here is with regards to father-in-law's memory loss and mother-in-law's current mental state.

Will that be good for the children?

ab.da54

sovilla wrote: »

They got it for a short while of £15 a week but it stopped when MIL started work.

Because
FIL had already took some money out of his pension he doesn't get the rest till pensionable age which is 66.

The apartments in them links are fine and not bad areas but they still need bond, admin fee and first months rent. And it's still more than the £69 they get in housing benefit.

How did they get discretionary housing payments whilst not paying any rent?

Was the housing authority told that the rent had been paid up front?

ab.da54

Errata wrote: »

A child is not a cashpoint.

Apparently so :eek:

ab.da54

sovilla wrote: »

She trashed the house because she was upset and frustrated. It's not something she does regular. Do you think I would let her look after my children if I thought she would hurt them.

My 9 year old has an extremely good relationship with her grandparents, just because they have lived in another country doesn't mean they don't know here. We have visited a few times and they spoke over Skype nearly every night.

They have both looked after all 5 children for 2 weeks while we were on honeymoon at the beginning of August. So I have no worries in that sense.

Sending the 9 year old to live with them was hopefully going to kill 2 birds with one stone. She gets the peace and ability to have time on her own and my parents in law get a little bit more help.

I guess they are just going to have to move in with us in October and we just see what happens from there.

So this will be the third set of adults taking on parental responsibility for the girl, as if she hasn't been through enough already.

This whole mess belies credulity.

margaretclare

As for FIL's illness it's more than likely "wet brain" due to the drink they consumed over there as there was nothing else to do. They are not drinking now but the damage is done. Hopefully with treatment it will be stopped in its tracks and get a bit of improvement.

'More than likely'. So in other words, no proper diagnosis as yet, just what you think it might be?

Notwithstanding what nimbo writes about older people (and I'm glad our contribution is being appreciated, not only our past contribution but our present and future one too) these folk are - from my perspective - spring chickens. At that age I was widowed, redundant, struggling to keep the roof over my head by paying a mortgage, and remarried a few years later. The OP is to be commended for trying to help, but seems to be going about it in a cockamamie fashion which may damage a vulnerable child. What are MIL and FIL doing about their own situation, given that they got themselves into this mess through their own incautious and over-optimistic plans and lifestyle?